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A Letter In My Stead

Updated on January 8, 2020
djsky24 profile image

Just a guy trying to make sense of a life, memories, and emotions that do not...and in no particular order. The somber side of my mind.

Part I, for her

I do not write non-stop
Not for years or practice
I write in cemetery plots
All to an end...short stories of thoughts
Sometimes it rhymes but most often not
Knots of feelings
Jumbled time
A beer in my hand smoke rolling past my eyes
Struggling with a world that is still blurry after all these years
Passions so strong and flowing with tears
Understand me my Love
Understand my fears
Understand what I write
Understand the mere

Fact that I write what I cannot express in the everyday
life bills and money time restrictions...
on emotions it takes a lifetime to build

I died at a young age, thirty-three in fact
Out of date like the bakelites of Past...
Blue eyes bring me back.....Years after trying
Existing in the cold
A man in a van
My pros on paper
Are the cons people don't understand
Yet I spill it out to you
The only way I understand
An unnormal man
Whose only way of being is the way I feel and can
I fear I will die penniless
I feared I would die alone
Without being Loved
This is my first letter to you
With only ink and Love in my crude hands
This is all that I am
Inspired by the nature of the earth
The oddballs it brings
Platypuses and Thompsons giving birth
Board is the creator...a paper full of nothing
Except I Love You at the end

Part II, for me

Excep...tionshine down on my pen
Touch her soul through my hand
Let her see what I really am
A man that walks around with his heart in his hands
Time spinning him in spirals of trials with miles behind his eyes
Nothing more than the wrong end of a one way street

My head was down
I should have been looking around
I.....should have been
Strong enough to take three lefts and a right
But I just couldn't see an end in sight
So I made one of my own
Giving up on the every day
Giving up on what people say
Giving up on the lie that I was okay
I gave up
Fell down
Went for a ride
And my soul came back around
The corner.....I couldn't turn before
I was gone lost dark washed up and returned to shore

Part III, for them

Now all they can see are my tracks in the sand
I look like an ant so far ahead of them
Stomping their feet at me
Refusing to believe what they can be
Spiteful sad...drunk....angry

I remember this song
And I don't want to repeat it
Blind to the wrong
Sad you can't see it

So here we are again once more
Spilling my heart with my pen as before
Good luck chewing on this and swallowing down
Your conscience is what goes bump in the night
Can't look in the mirror and no sleep in sight
Perhaps you need to disappear and be reborn
Perhaps under all your hats there's just scorn
Perhaps you should just pick up a pen
Write it all down and see what kind of man
You really are and accept where you've fallen short
I know because I found my pen when I was lying face down on the floor
Accept just one
Accept the sun I know is inside
It's the light you let easy choices bury and hide
It's the light you decided to leave behind

The doors you closed and locked in your mind
Take off your hat and put it on the ground
Sit in silence you are lost in your own sound
Too loud
Too proud
Too crowded a place
You smile big but that is not your true face
I've seen what you did
I've heard your words
We've all had to dig
It could have meant five less in this world

I sit here now writing in silence
In hopes your mind opens not looking for your penance
I sit here and write
I sit here and write
In spite
I sit here and write
Getting over it all
Moving on from what is no longer my fight

© 2014 Nowhere Man


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