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A Sneak Preview of the First Chapter of My Novel: The 12/59 Shuttle From Yesterday To Today

Updated on January 5, 2013

INTRODUCTION

Join me on a tour of the 1st chapter of my novel. For many of you this is a style of writing you have never seen from me; it is, in fact, my alter-ego and billybuc never really wrote this. We just let this jerk out from time to time so he won’t become too obnoxious. J

The finished product
The finished product | Source

Thoughts about the book

CHAPTER ONE

I have delayed writing this book long enough. If not for overwhelming guilt because I haven’t acted sooner and a strong sense of foreboding I would be perfectly happy eating Cheetos and listening to the boys of summer chase the elusive white orb for the next six months. I mean, it’s not like anyone is going to pay attention anyway. They haven’t so far and there have been some pretty damn strong clues for all to notice. But when Lady Lard declares that I write or else she will sit on my Cheeto-stained face and put me out of my misery, well, then it’s time to write. Besides, the Mariners suck again this year so what am I really missing?

The Princess of Plump (aka Pauline) has once again reminded me that the events of last year need to be recorded for posterity. She has made it clear that those events will eventually change existence as we know it. How she came to this conclusion will be the subject of this book. She is in no way psychic. It could be that enlightenment was found by her while in a self-induced stupor after consuming forty-six blueberry muffins. It could be she saw the light while listening to Country Joe and the Fish from the comforts of her lilac-scented bathtub, a ceramic monster of the approximate size of Vermont. It could be…..well, you’ll just have to read on and find out. All I know is if I don’t write this damn book I’ll feel guilty for the rest of my life every single time something happens to upset the natural order of things. And I don’t handle guilt well. In fact, it gets downright ugly when I’m in the throes of guilt. But let’s not go there; what purpose would it serve to tell you about the time I wiped out a seven year old on the bunny slope, spraining his ankle, probably scarring him for life, and causing me to trip the light fantastic with a cross-dressing truck driver from Skokie after drinking ten shots of Jack Daniels? It wouldn’t have been so bad if he/she had any fashion sense at all but alas, she/he thought.....see, let’s not go there.

If a simple skiing accident could send me to the brink of depravity, imagine how I would react if, say, the birds stopped flying or the fish quit swimming or the stock market dropped a thousand points overnight or ranchers in Montana voted Democratic in the next election.. I mean, there is no way I want that shit on my conscience. So write I shall, a simple narrative explaining what it was like, what happened and what will happen. You can take it seriously or you can go back to whatever it is you do when you aren’t reading…. park another rusty car in your front yard....do the nasty dance with your third cousin from a second marriage.....pound some brewskies while hunting by searchlight at night....I don’t much care, just don’t come running to me and say you weren’t warned, okay?

More thoughts on writing a novel

ARE YOU STILL READING? GLAD YOU HAVEN’T LEFT YET…KEEP GOING

So I’m placing the Cheetos in the cupboard so you can have my undivided attention. Seattle’s sorry excuse for a baseball team will have to lose without my support, which shouldn’t be a problem. I don’t want to leave out even a single detail of the events that transpired, but I will keep this as short as possible since the attention span of the average American reader is about equal to the attention span of an athlete on steroids. My new life and the way I view reality started twelve months ago in a field of lavender with Sheila straddling my loins while voyeur ants crawled along my ass looking for a cheap thrill.

I had met Sheila a couple weeks earlier at a "Save Our Northwest Tree Frog" protest gathering on the campus of Evergreen State College in Olympia, Washington. Quite frankly I doubted at the time if tree frogs needed saving and I sure as hell didn’t give a rat’s ass if they did, but I figured it was a great place to meet women so I attended. I wasn’t wrong. There were women everywhere and most of them looked like extras in a Woody Allen movie: hairy underarms, ratty hair, garlic cloves hanging around their neck, like they were guarding against a sudden vampire invasion. Maybe they were. I didn’t care. They were women and that met my one and only requirement on that blistering-hot Saturday morning. There were tall ones, short ones, fat ones, ones that looked like men, some that probably were men, all genres of women were in attendance. I hadn’t had a date for months and I wasn’t about to let a little thing like personal hygiene or a heat wave or general appearance stand in my way. We were in the fifth consecutive day with temperatures hovering near one hundred, certainly a rarity for Olympia, but warm temps only make me hornier than usual and that’s saying quite a bit. Besides, if you live in Olympia long enough you get quite accustomed to bizarre-looking men and women, and I’d been there twenty years. And hey, I always had a soft spot in my heart for Woody Allen, and Diane Keaton was kind of hot if you like your women skinnier than a pipe cleaner with breasts that resemble cats-eye marbles.

Evergreen State College is a throwback to the Sixties, or at least it makes every attempt to be. “Raise your awareness” meetings on every conceivable subject can be found on any given day; thus the tree frog was front and center on this day. The protest, aka “Excuse-to-get-high,” had drawn maybe one hundred people by the time I arrived. I'll tell you what pisses me off about this day and Age. Okay, just one of the many things that piss me off. The kids today have no damn idea how to protest. They pass out pamphlets, speak into a bullhorn to the small gatherings and go home feeling as though they accomplished something. Truth be known about all they accomplish at most of those gatherings is an exchange of phone numbers so they can get laid later in the evening. If you want someone at the school to really give a shit about the tree frog, collect about a thousand of the little bastards and release them in the Dean's office. That will raise the consciousness level considerably. Back in the Sixties we regularly pissed people off. Close down the school with sit-ins; walk along the freeway with signs; fire bomb the friggin’ ROTC building. That kind of shit gets attention. But today all we see is candy-assed over-privileged kids playing at protest. It makes me want to stick Abby Hoffman buttons up their asses and see if they can muster up a real protest about their sudden inability to fart.

Okay, I have anger-management issues, but I think we’ll talk about those at a later date if you don’t mind. We aren’t here to discuss my personal issues; that would require me writing another book and I’m just not up to that challenge right now. Maybe Ken Burns can make a mini-series about the American male and anger issues inherent in the species, with me as the leading subject. He could call it something like “The Eagle Flies Over Assholes” or “Red, White and Blue Pricks.” I know about 200 million women who would buy it the first day it hits the store shelves. But, as is my habit, I digress from the task at hand.

Evergreen is a college cleverly disguised as a forest, or maybe a forest cleverly disguised as a college. It really is quite beautiful and for this cynic that’s saying quite a bit. Huge evergreens (hence the college name) surround the campus, and if you aren’t a student there or you don’t have a GPS unit you have an excellent chance of becoming hopelessly lost in no time at all. Luckily I had good friends who attended there during the Love Decade and I was quite familiar with the campus layout. In fact, as I recall I got laid on the second floor of the library many years ago, but you don’t need the details of that little foray. Just let me say that all those fantasies you have had about librarians are absolutely spot-on! Surround those trollops with “how to” books and they manage to learn a lot about a variety of subjects.

As I was walking across the main campus I saw the most beautiful creature I had ever seen, kneeling on the lawn with something cupped in her hand. Her black hair flowed over her shoulders to the small of her back, her impressive breasts almost touching the ground as she studied whatever she held in her right hand. She had the kindest eyes I had ever seen, jade green in color, and there was a peace in her manner that I had never seen in a woman before. It was impossible for me to determine her age; she was one of those women who don’t seem to age, but the small lines near her eyes made me guess she was close to forty. Imagine, if you will, Julia Roberts with large, authentic breasts and jet-black hair, dressed like a Russian peasant, and you will have an adequate picture of Sheila. She also had a somewhat crooked smile, slightly off-kilter, which she was gracing me with as I approached. A cloth necklace of some sort hung around her neck, giving off the scent of lavender. I don’t know about all of you but the smell of lavender is a huge turn on for me. Come to think of it, the smell of lavender leaves me quite horny. But then so does asparagus! I had the strangest feeling I had seen her before, but then I feel that way quite often when faced with a beautiful woman. It's called living in a dream world or at the very least wishful thinking. She was definitely someone I needed to know. Somehow I found the courage to say hi and asked her name.

"My name is Sheila, Goddess of the Insignificant and Guardian of All That is Miniature."

TO BE CONTINUED

Well, not really. You’ll have to buy it to find out what happens in the next 250 pages. Thanks for visiting. We are now locking up that "Bad Boy Bill" and will allow billybuc to return.

2013 William D. Holland (aka billybuc)

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    • aviannovice profile image

      Deb Hirt 4 years ago from Stillwater, OK

      Superb. This is smooth, flows well, and I'm sure, will be of great interest to those that lived during the 60's.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Deb; I had fun writing it!

    • whonunuwho profile image

      whonunuwho 4 years ago from United States

      Bill, I find that in writing, be it poetry or a novel, we may express ourselves and expose the hidden from the depths of darkness to bright sunlight's day. We may take on a different personality or remain the same that we intend to show our inner souls. Writing is a delight and a rare gift to be shared by us all. Thanks for sharing my friend, whonu.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Whonu, you are so correct. I know a woman, the sweetest person you would ever want to know, who wrote a horror novel about child torture.....where it came from is anyone's guess, but it certainly wasn't a reflection of who she was as a human being. We writers are interesting people for sure. :)

    • JimTxMiller profile image

      Jim Miller 4 years ago from Wichita Falls, Texas

      Ya know, I like wild Bill, and I can't help but wonder what might happen if he ever connected with my own David Forest. Not all together sure the world is ready for that (heavy sigh).

    • Radcliff profile image

      Liz Davis 4 years ago from Hudson, FL

      Who is this Lady Lard and why is she sitting on your face? Does Bev know about this?

      I feel like I should address this issue since I am the #2 and all.

      Wait . . . what?

      I love it. The comment about skinny women cut to the quick a little bit, but I'll let that one go :D

    • Janine Huldie profile image

      Janine Huldie 4 years ago from New York, New York

      Awesome Bill and loved getting a sneak peak into your novel. You really did yourself justice here and loved it. I can tell this one must have been a blast to write and you really nailed it from what I got to read. Have of course voted up and shared all over the place!!!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Jim....I think the world needs Wild bill and David Forest....how boring would it be without them? LOL Thank you Sir!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Liz my dear, welcome back! I've missed you, and I love skinny women! LOL Remember this is fiction....all bets are off when my imagination is let loose.

      Have a great weekend my perfectly proportioned friend.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Janine, it was all about having fun...I allowed myself to toss away the rules with this one, and I have no regrets.

      Thank you of course....you are great!

    • farmloft profile image

      farmloft 4 years ago from Michigan

      I bought this for my Kindle app last year and found it witty and fascinating - a good mystery with much food for thought. The main characters are believable though out of the ordinary; doing something together that seems impossible, because of real love -- I still keep listening for a whistle whenever I see a ladybug. Great writing!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Awww. thank you farmloft...that was so kind of you! Much appreciated my friend. I had a ton of fun writing it.

    • shiningirisheyes profile image

      Shining Irish Eyes 4 years ago from Upstate, New York

      Billy - I am standing up and clapping - well, not now as I need my hands to type. How much fun did you have writing this!!!!! I am truly impressed and so glad you shared this with us.

      Very creative cast of characters my friend. You are a wonderful writer with a great imagination.

    • Laurinzo Scott profile image

      Live To Write 4 years ago from Phoenix, Az.

      This is really a great hub, and I love this video even more than some of your others iv'e seen because you really realisticly address the art of writing, and I think people in Dakota WILL read it

      and I certainly can't wait too

      and to think your book wasn't Realistic enought???!!! Wow

      and CrappymovieWood just released a movie titled Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter???

      No justice in the world!

      Wonderful read and video to follow Bill!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Well Beckie, I'm glad you like it; now you can look forward to the rest of it when it arrives in the mail. Thank you my dear; enjoy your weekend.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Laurinzo, it really highlights how much of this business is being in the right place at the right time.....sometimes there is no logic involved in being discovered. Hope for us all! Thank you my friend!

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      Bill I want the first copy of the book.. pleaessssss I want the link.. sounds awesome my friend.. of course I know everything you write is excellent.. What a beautiful woman Shelia is.. I love it when you talk about her..

      congratulations my friend

      Debbie

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Debbie! Sheila is pretty darn special to me and always will be. She managed to save me from myself; no easy task. LOL

      love,

      bill

    • mary615 profile image

      Mary Hyatt 4 years ago from Florida

      Congratulations, Bill. I am so honored to know a published writer. I know a lot of "wanna-be" writers!

      I do hope the book is a big success for you. You deserve it cause you work so hard to write.

      My best, Mary

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 4 years ago from Singapore

      All the best on getting this published, Bill, off to a good start, all the best in getting in published!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you so much, Mary! I greatly appreciate your support. Blessings to you and have a wonderful weekend.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thanks Michelle! It's already published but thank you all the same. :)

    • Vinaya Ghimire profile image

      Vinaya Ghimire 4 years ago from Nepal

      Hi Billy, one day I will love to see myself as a published novelist. I look upon you as an inspiration. Thanks for sharing your writing life.

    • lrc7815 profile image

      Linda Crist 4 years ago from Central Virginia

      Ha! I knew he was in there. Lock him up if you will but he'll just find another way out. That's how it is with you bad, bad boys. I can't wait to read your book and find out just how bad your alter ego is. :-)

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 4 years ago from San Francisco

      best of luck on this. I am on 2 of 10.

    • old albion profile image

      Graham Lee 4 years ago from Lancashire. England.

      Hi Bill. Your usual excellent ability and depth is displayed yet again, though I have to say I feel a little unsure..... This is such a departure.

      Graham.

    • DabbleYou profile image

      DabbleYou 4 years ago

      Nice chapter. :)

    • tobusiness profile image

      Jo Alexis-Hagues 4 years ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

      Billy, the look on Bev's face says it all. She looks so darn proud, and rightly so, well done. I don't know about everyone else but I thoroughly enjoyed this little teaser. How do I get my signed copy? :)). A chap who gets turned on by the scent of Lavender!!......oh yes, this I've got to read. Seriously, I'm loving it so far.

    • phoenix2327 profile image

      Zulma Burgos-Dudgeon 4 years ago from United Kingdom

      Ooo...this other Bill is intriguing. You should let him out more often.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Vinaya, I hope that you realize your dream. It really is a thrill to hold your own book. Thank you!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Linda, he is in there for sure, and he comes out more often than most people would believe. I just keep him hidden from my writings most times. :) Thanks Kindred! I hope you are well.

      hugs and love,

      bill

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Martin! Much appreciated.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Graham, it is my only attempt at fiction....and it is quite a departure for sure. Thanks my friend!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Dabble!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Jo, you are sweet....thank you! If you seriously want one of the hard copies, go to The1259shuttle.com and you can order it there and I will make sure it is signed.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Phoenix, that might be a bit scary if we let him loose too often. LOL There was another Bill decades ago, a sarcastic, somewhat depressed, negative mess......that's the Bill you see in this book...tons of sarcasm. It is not for everyone for sure. :) Thank you Ms. Faithful!

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Wow, If i can get my mouth closed..WOOAH..Great start to an adventure into ( I'm not sure, but i bet it will be a ronchi read. ) Best wishes...

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Ruby, in truth it isn't raunchy....it gets rather sublime after the first chapter. :) Thank you for taking the time to read it....blessings on this Sunday!

    • phoenix2327 profile image

      Zulma Burgos-Dudgeon 4 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hmm...reminds me of someone I used to know. And not that long ago either.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Well, phoenix, I hope that isn't a horrible memory. :) I always have to remind people that this is fiction...I'm afraid they will think that I am actually like this.

    • phoenix2327 profile image

      Zulma Burgos-Dudgeon 4 years ago from United Kingdom

      While not a pleasant memory, it does serve to remind me that no matter how bad things can get, with determination and self-belief it can get better.

      And I never once thought you are actually like this. I think you're a well-lived person with much wisdom to share. So please do, I'm all ears. :)

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Phoenix, I will keep speaking the truth as I know it, and hopefully it will help others. Actually, your comment about determination and self-belief are themes of this book....that and love of course. :)

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      I Like it...I Like it!! Thanks for the teaser, bill....does this mad man alter ego of yours have a name? I can suggest a few, but I'd have to send them to you in a plain brown wrapper.

      GO BILL!!!! Guess I need to crack open the piggy bank and get my hands on that book of yours.....UP+++

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Paula....his name is Bill! LOL Go figure! If we let him out too often we would risk arrest, and that would not be good for the H.O.W. movement now would it?

      Thanks buddy; have a great Sunday! Go walk by that stream I am so jealous of.

    • slackermom profile image

      Lisa Palmer 4 years ago from Attapulgus GA

      Well I'm hooked....You never cease to surprise me... because of you I have obligated myself to do good deeds, walk everyday and now I'm buying a book... Thanks! I hope you're happy.

      Anyway, great job as usual... Happy New Year to you and good luck with the book I'm sure it'll be a success.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Slackermom, I am happy indeed. LOL Thank you so much and Happy New Year to you as well. You are appreciated.

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 4 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      Voted up and interesting. This is one fascinating book. Your have the mind of a creative genius. Wish you lots of luck with your book and I hope no rather I know it will be a great success. Passing this on.

    • Mr Archer profile image

      Mr Archer 4 years ago from Missouri

      Voyeur ants??? Wow, I have to read the whole thing now! I think I saw that someone said it is on Kindle, but how do we get a copy for ourselves? Is it on Amazon? Great job Bill. I will be purchasing a copy for myself, no doubt!! We are proud of you William!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Gypsy, thank you! This book wrote itself and I had a ton of fun writing it.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Mike, thank you my friend. If you want to buy a hard copy you can find it on "the 1259shuttle.com.....if you can't, drop me a line...and yes, it's also on Kindle.

    • mpropp profile image

      Melissa Propp 4 years ago from Minnesota

      I like Bad Boy Bill! Let him come out and play!

      Now I'm even more determined to read this book! I love your writing style (and your sense of humor). Keep up the great job and don't get side-tracked!

      Have you started reading book 2 yet?

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Hey Melissa...do you mean have I started writing book 2 yet? If so, yes, I started last week, but it's slow going....but I am working on it.

      I'm glad you like Bad Boy Bill. LOL He has mellowed a bit for book 2.

    • mpropp profile image

      Melissa Propp 4 years ago from Minnesota

      Hi Bill, yes I meant had you started writing book 2...I'm glad to hear you have!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thanks Melissa! I hope you and your family are well in Minnesota!

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 4 years ago

      Your opening pulls a reader in and opens the door to adventure. I can see your hand at work here, even though it is a bit different from most of your hub posts. You are inspiring and have given many of us courage to pursue our dreams.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Well then, Dianna, I have done my job as a writer. Thank you kind lady; I hope you are well and happy.

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 4 years ago from Central Florida

      OMG, this is hilarious! I love this side of you, Bill! You need to let him come out and play more often. This makes for great reading and invokes laughter and sets wonderful, positive emotions free. I, personally, would like to see a whole lot more of this side of you!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Sha, I'll try to let this guy out more often. He gets a little testy if he doesn't see the light of day every so often. :) Thank you my dear; I hope you are well.

      love,

      bill

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 4 years ago from Central Florida

      Add that to your 2013 resolutions. Consider it a challenge!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Sha, I'll see what I can do. :)

    • annart profile image

      Ann Carr 4 years ago from SW England

      We all have many personalities inside us, bursting to resurface or even emerge for the first time. It gives one freedom to use the ones we don't depend on in real life, maybe the ones we shouldn't depend on! Interesting to read your alta ego and style to match. Well done, for the writing and for publishing. Up etc. Ann

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thanks Ann. Fiction does give us a chance to be a person we never will be in real life, and that's the fun of it. I can be whomever I want to be and it causes no angst or harm to anyone. That's pretty cool!

    • Kathryn Stratford profile image

      Kathryn 4 years ago from Manchester, Connecticut

      I like it! Sometimes it's nice to take on a different personality when you're writing.

      Beautiful description. But it is such a tease!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Kathryn, thank you so much! I'm proud of this book, not necessarily because of its quality, because I am a better writer today, but because it was my first. :)

    • Kathryn Stratford profile image

      Kathryn 4 years ago from Manchester, Connecticut

      Nice! This year I hope to finish the fourth draft of a book I have been writing for quite a while. I know that it will be a first big step for me if I get it completed. I can only imagine how nice it must feel to have a first novel published.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Good luck Kathryn! It took me three years to write this. I got about halfway through and then lost the thread in my brain. I took about three months off and it came back to me. When I finished it it then took another year or year and a half before I was satisfied with it. It is a long process and I wish you well.

    • JayeWisdom profile image

      Jaye Denman 4 years ago from Deep South, USA

      Your fiction definitely shows a different side of Bill (that "bad boy Bill, as you call him), as it should. Fiction is where we let our imagination take the reins.

      Congratulations for publishing your novel, which reads well. This excerpt hooked me, and I don't wish to be left hanging in suspense, so I will follow the link to the e-book.

      Voted Up+

      Jaye

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you so much, Jaye! It is definitely a side of me few people see on a daily basis. :) I appreciate it my friend and I hope you enjoy it.

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