A Tale Of Two Idiots-A Poem By 50 Caliber & Micky Dee

This collaboration is between two old Marines who have been too close to the edge and looked in. They can’t deny who they’ve been but they aren’t quite what they were.

You might want to have a Sailor read this to you and tell him to leave out the bad parts.

Micky Dee: I just want to say that it’s been a pleasure working with 50 Caliber on this poem. It's really nice to see that people can leave egos at the door and work together in harmony. If there is anything offensive to anyone I am deeply sorry and it was 50 Caliber that insisted that we put all the lewd stuff in. It was all his idea. I did everything I could to keep this a very nice poem.

50 Caliber: I’d just like to add that everything that Micky Dee said was a lie!

Micky Dee: Was not!

50 Caliber: Was too!

Mary had a little lamb;

Its fleece was white as snow.

I never cared about the lamb

But I think Mary had a beau.

My heart was full of hope

And thought love would ensue

But everywhere that Mary went,

50 Caliber went there too.

I broke up with Mary,

And Dinah I came to know.

Soon we two were one,

Or at least I sure thought so.

I strolled into Dinah’s kitchen

And here they were toe to toe!

There was 50 Caliber

And he was strumming on her old banjo.

I headed toward Alabama

Without a banjo on my knee.

Met a gal named Susanna

Who said she’d marry me.

Here was 50 Caliber, again,

But she said he was just a friend.

I was riding my bike in the mountains

And climbing around a bend.

She was coming around the mountain

Doing 90 miles an hour.

What I saw made my heart break

And it made my love go sour.

All down my bearded face,

The tears began to trickle.

She and 50 Caliber were

Riding his Harley Motorsickle.

Their hair was flying in the wind.

They were naked as Jaybirds.

And at the speed of loneliness

She shouted out these words:

“I love you Micky Dee but as you can see,

A bicycle is just too slow.

50 Caliber has a bigger bike and gun-

And a whole lot more ammo.”

I was working on the rail-road,

All the live long day.

I’d work my fingers to the bone

For a measly bit of pay.

I ran all the way home at night

To be with my sweet-heart Rose.

I was so in love with Rose

I thought I would propose.

As I was working on the railroad

All day long one day,

I saw a freight train coming

Down the tracks our way.

Up on top of an empty box car

I saw my beautiful Rose.

My heart dropped and stopped

When I saw she had no clothes.

There was something about her

That seemed so out of place.

It was then that I saw 50 Caliber

And she was sitting on his face.

I don’t know women.

I can’t “really pick ‘em” I suppose.

As anyone can plainly see

I’ve now lost my Second Hand Rose!

So I gave up on people.

I spend more time down on my knees.

Besides, who needs friends

When you can have enemas like these.

Back then I was green.

You might say I was just a pigeon.

But 50 Caliber and I have come around

And found us some religion!

I forgave 50 Caliber

That long haired, Jarhead, Hog riding freak.

I found the Lord and decided

That I would turn the other cheek.

I asked God for forgiveness

And I lost all carnal desire.

After I had to hit 50 with a stick

And set his beard on fire.

I stopped running as I knew

There were facts that I’d be facing.

Of course this would be right after

50 Caliber stopped his chasing.

We agreed to be friends,

Be fair, and never tell any lies,

No matter what pretty filly

Could seem pleasing to our eyes.

That was so long ago.

Then was then and now is now.

50 Caliber and I are friends turned gray

With wrinkles on our brow.

He and I gave up on love

And sure nuff watch our Ps & Qs.

We can’t use and downright refuse,

A woman lighting our fuse.

If we see a pretty filly

Sauntering over our way,

Neither one of the two of us

Will have two things to say.

Yep, we’re on the straight and narrow

And really flying right.

But there was one poster girl

We saw, just the other night.

50 Caliber could see too easily

In more than a single glance,

Now his eyes were popping out

As he watched that hind end dance.

And Micky Dee was an eager beaver

And getting ants in his pants.

Hypnotized and stunned

By the dance of the breast implants.

Micky Dee reached really hard

And came up with a story.

He pushed his eyes back in.

Said he was just taking inventory.

He never saw another woman

That had quite so much glory.

50 Caliber rolled his eyes and said-

That's a pretty strange allegory.

Micky Dee said well 50 Caliber

What would be your excuse?

I saw your horns enlarge

While you were checking out her caboose.

Sure those jeans were painted on

And she was busting out of her seams.

But if you think she would look your way

You’re living in your dreams.

There may not be any women now

That can drive us both insane.

But we still strut like chickens

That won’t come out of the rain.

Though the sky is turning orange

And the sun is starting to set.

It looks like neither 50 Caliber nor Micky Dee

Is really dead-not yet!

Micky Dee endears spandex at an early age.

50 Caliber's love for motorcycles begins early.

___________________________50 Caliber___________________________

__________________________Micky Dee____________________________

I'd like to make a little "disclaimer". 50 Caliber and I wrote this in fun. It's in Marine Corps fun but fun anyway.

I don't approve of womanizing or some other negatives this may imply. Fact is I have a female repellent that has worked all my life. I'm just not what women want. So-I don't "look" (much) and I don't want (much). I don't want this to take anyone down a path that shouldn't be traveled. We're just a couple of old soldiers getting ready to change our permanent addresses. Have fun with this hub. It's fiction- as for as you know.

The real deal is we're going to practice the GOLDEN RULE!