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A humorous tale about my new gadget, An international cell phone, written in rhyming fashion.

Updated on February 6, 2016
always exploring profile image

I am a writer of poetry and fiction. I especially love flash fiction. My name is Ruby, and I live in Southern Illinois. I am a retired R.N.

Please believe me, I'm not brain dead. I took the state board exam for nursing and thankfully passed

Please will someone explain why I'm unable to use this apparatus I hold in my shaking hand so tightly grasped?

I tap the cell phone icon and safe mode comes up, what do I do? I only wanted to place a call

That's all

The phones irritating voice tells me to " swipe an icon " I swipe until my finger turns blue

I noticed my third finger has risen in defiance. Do you get the subtle clue?

Funny how our psyche takes over our body part's

Causing me to make finger jesters and my teary eye's shooting poison darts

Once again I attempt to make a now desperate call

The phone rings, a voice answers in German dia duit. I almost fainted averting a crippling fall

I tap contacts, trying to add phone numbers of my friend's and family

They all disappear, the voice says, " unsuccessful, let's try again, and please tap save after each entry. A bit too patient to suit me!

That's when the phone went blank

Suddenly I get a burning pain in my right flank

My head hurts. My neck is stiff and shooting pains down both arms

I cautiously find a chair. My knees are weak signaling more body alarms

Finally I throw my hands up engulfed with acute despair

I was physically exhausted and truthfully I just didn't care

I then used my land phone to call my son, he's laughing so hard he's unable to communicate

Finally when he stops making a fool of himself, he says " Please mom take it easy and wait.

Why do you keep on trying new gadgets? You know you always get uptight and upset "

I started to spit and stammer, finally lashing out, " Oh just forget I called, and if you put this on face book I'll disown you, on that boy you can place a hefty bet. "



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    • Deborah Demander profile image

      Deborah Demander 13 months ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      Awesome! I find nothing more frustrating than technology.

      Except men, and children.

      Namaste

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 18 months ago from Southern Illinois

      OMG, you too? I finally got through to my son yesterday and when he said " Hello " I almost dropped the phone. The phone didn't ring on my end. How can this be? I've got my old cell phone charging as I type. I've had it.I soo love your comment. Hee..Thank you

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 18 months ago from Nashville Tn.

      Oh, Ruby, this is hysterical! I get frustrated when a call comes in and I "swipe and swipe...tap and tap" again and again trying first normal finger pressure followed by harder then softer pressure ...swipe and swipe. By the time the swiping does take...the caller hangs up. Urgggg!

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 18 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Martie. I hate to admit it but I'm sooo ready to toss it away. I took it up to the beauty shop where I go and a teenager was setting there and took my phone and swiped one time for each thing she wanted to do, and I understood perfectly. When I got home I swiped it and it died, black as coal. About my picture, I've been getting emails from younger men wanting to meet me, so I took this picture with my laptop a few days ago. This is how I look today. The picture I was using with the braid was taken when I was 47 ( a few years ago! ) Hee. Thank you for your support. Hugs my friend.

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 18 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Shyron. Trump couldn't use this phone of mine, he's too dumb, like me. Hee I still can't make a call. Every time I swipe the phone goes black. I HATE it. I'm going back to my little cell phone that does nothing but place a call. Thank you dear one. Hugs.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 18 months ago from South Africa

      I love your new profile picture!

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 18 months ago from South Africa

      Oh, dear Ruby, I can so relate. Every time I upgrade, either computer, cellphone or tablet, I go through a kind of hell, frustrated and angry, because I don't get it... until I get it.

      And here comes the kids of the day and they just know exactly what to do, as if they were trained in the womb. I find this totally awesome.

      Have patience, Ruby! Don't let an electronic gadget get the better of you. It doesn't have a mother or father. You are its master :)

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 18 months ago from Texas

      Ruby, my gem of a friend

      If we were tech smart

      We would get rid of him

      We could saw it off when

      Trump goes out on the limb.

      But, I would bet that both our phones

      Are smarter than him

      Shauna, I did not know that, got to call my smart phone and try it, that would be better than chasing that stupid icon all over the place.

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 18 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Shauna I'm cracking up here, put your ear on the phone, hilarious! I wonder why they are called smart phones? I bet Einstein couldn't use mine. lol Maybe my nails are the problem? Who knows? I will see. Thank you much.

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 18 months ago from Central Florida

      Too funny, Ruby! I have a smartphone that's a whole lot smarter than I am when it comes to knowing how to use it. It doesn't respond to fingernails so I have to use my stylus. It's the only way I can get the durn thing to work. And talk about swiping. I'm supposed to swipe when I get a call. Swipe as I may, I can never get to it before it stops ringing. Then my son told me all I have to do is put the phone to my ear when it rings and it'll automatically answer. Who knew it would respond to such a logical move!

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 18 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello m Abdullah. So nice to see you. I'm happy that you enjoyed this. I had a blast writing it. Thank you much..

    • m abdullah javed profile image

      muhammad abdullah javed 18 months ago

      I really appreciate the fun filled rhymes. What an innocence it reflects....The phones irritating voice tells me to " swipe an icon " I swipe until my finger turns blue..... Thanks for the share Ruby.

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 18 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Hi Tammy. You of all people know how tech. dead I am. What would I do if you didn't live close? You have helped me so many times. Thank you for coming. I'm happy I made your day! Hugs.

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 18 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Rasma. I will never understand why they call them a smartphone? It would take a Master's degree. lol. Thank you much..

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 18 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Frank. I'm glad you laughed out loud. Mission accomplished! Thank you..

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      Tammy 18 months ago

      Ruby that just made my day. Love the way you write.

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 18 months ago from Riga, Latvia

      Love this Ruby. Still chuckling. Hubby got us each an iPhone. I won't touch mine I don't need all that stuff plus Internet. I just love my regular phone just to put me in touch. Since I am against it he listens to the radio on his. lol

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 18 months ago from Shelton

      funnier than those party lines when you pick up in fall right into other people's conversations.. this was so entertaining .. sorry for laughing out loud... always

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 18 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Nell. I've learned my lesson, never again! I have a little cell phone that does nothing but call, and I love it. I wanted one with a camera, I haven't a clue how to use it. Do you ever wonder what kind of gadgets will be around the next hundred years? I'm glad I won't be here. LOL. Thank you..

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 18 months ago from England

      lol! oh how I agree with you about cell phones! I hate the darn stupid useless things! I remember years ago well before they hit the shops that I had a dream, it was me, standing in a phone box, staring at the dials and digits and not knowing how to do it! then years later, same thing with those darn stupid cell phones! swipe this, touch that, for goodness sake! what if you fell on your face, needed an ambulance and needed help? lol! I have a tiny cell phone, mobile phone we call them over here, and its just a plane old press buttons, dial numbers!

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 18 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Ann. Anything technical blows my mind at first, then when I learn the correct use, I'm embarrassed. This was so much fun to write. I was hoping all my little white lies would make people laugh. I'm happy I made you smile. Cheers.

    • annart profile image

      Ann Carr 18 months ago from SW England

      I think most of us can identify with this. You made me smile and sympathise! Once we get the hang of it, though, we become smug don't we?! I must admit I don't have much patience with anything technical if it rebels against me.

      Great humorous poem, Ruby.

      Ann

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 18 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Oh Genna, I wonder how I've made it this far. I am just now getting used to my laptop. I didn't know it had a camera until I accidently touched it, and my face appeared on the screen. Talk about shock! My son asked, " didn't you read the directions and see what was on the computer? I had to tell him that I did look at it, but I didn't understand it. When I think about your three year old grandchild using a phone, I am amazed at how smart they are. But you are right, we did teach them how to tie their shoes and ride a bike. Hee. You made my day with your story. Thank you so much..Hugs..

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 18 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Nadine. I am thrilled you were entertained reading this. That's what I was hoping for. Thank you...

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 18 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Mar. Just think of it this way, if I was smart I wouldn't have the fun I had writing this. LOL. I'm happy that you love me just the way I am. Bless you. I love you too! Thank you. Hugs...

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 18 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      "I noticed my third finger has risen in defiance. Do you get the subtle clue?" Lol! Yes, I certainly do, Ruby. I recently switched from a Samsung Android to the IPhone. Facetime is important for me to see my family in Colorado, and brand new baby grandson. Both my son and daughter-in-law use the Apple version of "how do I get this thing blankety-blank thing to work." It's the next best thing to being there. IPhone is more user friendly than the Android versions. When I switched, I wanted to throw the Samsung on the floor and stomp it out of commission. Best Buy now offers classes on any phone, and supposedly there are "how-to use this blankey-blank thing" tips on the Net and YouTube. But who has the time for this?? As I type this, I'm sitting here, red-faced, as my granddaughter figured out how to use her Momma's IPhone when she was 2 and 1/2. She is now 3, and sails through it. I guess I'm from the wrong mind-set generation. When my son chuckled over my frustration with the Samsung, I reminded him who taught him how to tie his shoes, ride a bike and roller skate, and use a computer. :-) Good luck! Looooooved this adorable hub, my friend. Hugs and more hugs. :-)

    • Nadine May profile image

      Nadine May 18 months ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

      That was really a funny and entertaining read Ruby. I can relate to the : 'swipe an icon " I swipe until my finger turns blue' Well done!

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 18 months ago from Jeffersonville PA

      You are a gem, dear Ruby - love you 'just the way you are...'

      ,..adorable expressions, hitting me 'close to home'.

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 18 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello John. I'm sure if I tried to find GPS I would be hospitalized and put on a respirator! lol. I have it charging at the moment. I don't know why. I still can't place a call, but I'm going to learn if it kills me. Hee. Thanks for coming...

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 18 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello tirelesstraveler. HaHa, cold blooded! That's a perfect metaphor for my phone. Thank you, I'm still laughing. Hee.

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 18 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Clive. Swipe my finger! It's already purple and I wouldn't be surprised if it falls off. lol Thank you for the advice....Hee

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 18 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Randa. Now, I'm cracking up again. Smart phones indeed! Hee. Thank you for making me chuckle....

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 18 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Perspycacyous. You can bet your boots that I will not be buying another one. lol. You're right though, they'll have a new one out before I learn this one. Hee. Thank you..

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 18 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Will. You started me laughing again. lol The dang thing is sure enough smarted than I am. I'm glad to see you. I thought you'd left HP, happy you are still here. Now, write a story, you're one of the best. Thank you..

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 18 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Very funny Ruby, I can so relate. I usually get my wife's hand me down iPhones when she upgrades because I won't spend a fortune on something I won't use to advantage. I keep telling people "I only want a phone for emergencies when I am driving places and that makes and receive calls." They think I am weird. I don't use the Internet on it or watch videos etc. oh I may use it as a GPS if I have to go to the city to find a location..but that's it. I don't even know how to use most features.

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 18 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Venkatachari. That sounds like a good idea, get rid of it. The cell phone I have suits me just fine. I wanted a new one that takes pictures. I'm glad you were entertained with my nutty tale. Thank you for coming..

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 18 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello manatita. Oh no, $ 150.00, what a shame. I am still working with my phone and I'm clueless still. I have a friend who has a beauty shop just up the street from me, and she said that she will help me. My son lives in Ark. 300 miles away. I'm pretty sure he couldn't stop laughing long enough to help me. lol. Thank you..

    • tirelesstraveler profile image

      Judy Specht 18 months ago from California

      Snicker, snicker. Same thing happened to me when I got my smart phone. The harder I hit the thing the fewer results. Everyone in the store was showing me how it was done. Then I warmed my hands. Smart phones lend a whole new meaning to cold blooded.

    • clivewilliams profile image

      Clive Williams 18 months ago from Nibiru

      alwaysexploring.....you need to stick to technology from i the 90's LOL. Take your time and swipe your finger....you will get it soon

    • RandaHandler profile image

      Randa Awn Handler 18 months ago from USA

      You made me smile! I was so reluctant to switch to mine for years. Sometimes, I wonder why they called them smart phones! Were they looking at anyone over the age of twelve?

    • Perspycacious profile image

      Demas W Jasper 18 months ago from Today's America and The World Beyond

      Ah well, there's always the future. All you have to do is wait for that gadget to be replaced by a new one.

    • WillStarr profile image

      WillStarr 18 months ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      I hate it when my phone is smarter than I am!

      Great Hub, Ruby Jean!

    • Venkatachari M profile image

      Venkatachari M 18 months ago from Hyderabad, India

      Very much amusing, Ruby. But, I also underwent something similar like that with one touch screen phone gifted to me by my 2nd son. I was unable to cope with it and luckily got rid of it by gifting it to my elder son who lost his phone. I am enjoying my own old phone of Nokia 200.

      You have presented all this in such a humorous style entertaining all of us and at the same time reminding our own embarrassing moments. Thanks a lot.

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 18 months ago from london

      Great Ruby! Me to a 't.' Cost me some money, though. It was my first fancy phone and I didn't have a clue, so I pressed a few things. $150 dollars in two days through trial and error. Still don't know why.

      Well, I'm RGN and RMN with the 254 (specialist in CCU). Still didn't have a clue. Ha ha. Your son will help you.

      You showed the frustration and anxiety quite well. Ha ha.

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 18 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello again Shyron. I'm glad your hubby got a good laugh. I love the way you help him, that's love. Take care my pearl friend...

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 18 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Bill. Your comment cracked me up! iPhone I know nothing about, but that's no mystery. If it involves technology, I'm out...Thank you..

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 18 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Shyron.

      If I'm a gem

      You're a pearl

      You vote right

      That's my girl

      If only I were tech smart

      We'd run for office

      and beat Trump, the old fart

      My problem is I like Hillary and Bernie both

      Either one could share my broth

      I can't quit watching CNN

      I'm hooked to see whose gonna win

      Bernie is gonna be on SNL

      In a way I hope he takes a dive

      Tell your hubby I understand

      These fricken gadgets should be banned.

      LOL

      Love and blessings galore!

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 18 months ago from Texas

      Hubby is still laughing, he would tell you himself he loves it, but he does not do computers either, but the smart phone, it is so funny, I have to show him how to do things. The mic is his friend, he turns it on swipes the screen to get to main page taps the mic and I want to make a call and it goes to his phone listing and he taps on who he wants to call. ROLTLMAO.

      Blessings my gem of a friend

      You are a Gem.

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 18 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello rebeccamealey. I must admit that I'm glad you can relate, That means the phone companies need to make a phone that normal people can use like us! Hee. My son is still shaking his head in disbelief. Hee. Thank you..

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 18 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Mike. How you do go on, more please! I'm glad it made you smile. I could hardly write it for laughing at my lies, but I told the truth about not being able to place a call. I've got to take it to a four year old to learn. Hee. Thank you much...

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 18 months ago from Olympia, WA

      Love it! I'm laughing along with you and I totally understand. Bev wants me to get an iPhone....just shoot me now and end my misery. :)

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 18 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Eric. I'm still laughing and you made me lol. Really I wanted to put my heel into the face of the phone and grind. Hee. Of course I exaggerated a bit. I didn't call Germany. Hee. Thank you for understanding. At least I'm not the only person who is brain dead with new gadgets.

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 18 months ago from Texas

      Ruby, Ruby, My gem of a friend

      I'll write you a poem or verse

      But, I will have to think about it long and hard

      I have been so busy out in the yard

      My brain is in a whirl

      I'm so involved in this crazy world

      After I attack the P&Z

      And yell at the mayor

      For allowing the cutting of the 100 year old tree

      My Muse is reeling -but not with glee

      She can't think right not about this smart phone spree

      So I will print this for my hubby

      He will love this hub you see

      I just ordered him a smart one MotoG

      I love this, Blessings and hugs.

    • rebeccamealey profile image

      Rebecca Mealey 18 months ago from Northeastern Georgia, USA

      I can SO relate to this, R.J. Thanks for the chuckle.

    • mckbirdbks profile image

      mckbirdbks 18 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hi Ruby - Some people are technical. Some people are beautiful, creative, talented, charming, humorous, artistic and warm hearted. Thanks for the smile.

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 18 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Delicious in humor and a bit to close to my experiences. I hope writing about it help shake that exasperating feeling at least a little bit. I do note with pleasure that you did not lose it so much as to throw the darn thing, or did you just leave that part out?