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A humorous tale about my new laptop computer, written in rhyming fashion

Updated on August 2, 2015
always exploring profile image

I am a writer of poetry and fiction. I especially love flash fiction. My name is Ruby, and I live in Southern Illinois. I am a retired R.N.

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You're a good computer man.

Well I guess I'll try a new laptop computer again

Since I switched internet service with satellite high-speed, my old desktop can't stand the warp speed pain

So good-bye my old trusty friend

I'll miss you but all good things must surely come to an end

The computer man got all excited when I called him requesting he come to my home

I swear I heard a pitiful sigh on the phone

He knows me ' cos he's worked with me several times before

I swear the last time he got fightin' mad and abruptly left slamming the front door

I ' ain't complain' he's a top-notch computer man

It's just that he sweats when I ask a question he's already answered a hundred times in his detailed plan

I told him Shawneelink ( my old service ) is still trying to send email when my new address is now gmail

He scratched his head and uttered, " I'm afraid for the very first time I may fail "

I reassured him telling him, " If anyone can do it, you can. "

After all you're a good computer man

He dabbed his forehead and prayed out loud

" Lord help me get through this. Thank God there's no crowd "

I asked him if I could move my new laptop to any room

He answered sarcastically, " It sits on a table or in your lap or you can take it to the moon "

I looked at him knowing he was jousting just a tiny bit

I swear I saw a drop of blood form on his upper lip

Finally my new laptop computer was ready to use

When I asked him which icon to click to get on the internet, he turned bright red and possibly blew a fuse

He reminded me that he was retiring next week

I told him, " I'm sure ' gonna miss you " and lovingly kised his flushed cheek.


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    • always exploring profile imageAUTHOR

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Elena. Happy this was a fun read for you. I still can't put a video on this LAPTOP!!!!

    • Lady_E profile image

      Elena 

      2 years ago from London, UK

      Lol. That was a fun read.

      I love your sense of humour, Ruby. :-)

    • always exploring profile imageAUTHOR

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Vellur. It's just a fun piece highly exaggerated. Thank you for the awesome vote

    • Vellur profile image

      Nithya Venkat 

      3 years ago from Dubai

      Awesome, loved the way you have expressed what went on! That man was being rude.

    • always exploring profile imageAUTHOR

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello DDE. Always good to see you on my page. Thank you again...

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 

      3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Awesome! I amazed by how put all of this together in such comedy.

    • always exploring profile imageAUTHOR

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Charito. Nice to meet you. Happy you enjoyed this piece and the cartoons...

    • Charito1962 profile image

      Charito Maranan-Montecillo 

      3 years ago from Manila, Philippines

      What a comic tale, Ms. Ruby! I sure enjoyed it!

      Funny cartoons, too.

    • always exploring profile imageAUTHOR

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Nadine. HaHa..He probably thought that was where he was supposed to put his cup. OMG that is too funny. Thanks for a good laugh...

    • always exploring profile imageAUTHOR

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Patricia. I'm finding out that I am not alone in my nontechie status. I wrote this to be funny and from your comment I succeeded. lol Thanks so much for coming by...Blessings my friend.

    • Nadine May profile image

      Nadine May 

      3 years ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

      Very funny Ruby. Your hub reminded me of an old advert on our TV . Must have been around 1995.. when the CD ROM would open and the man put his coffee mug on it!

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 

      3 years ago from sunny Florida

      O Ruby...I so love this. I know know know that my precious nephew who patiently told me the same thing over and over and over surely must have felt as your computer man !!!! How funny..laughing laughing laughing.

      Angels are headed your way this evening and to all computer techs who come across folks like us.

      ps

    • always exploring profile imageAUTHOR

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Audrey. Oh no not you too? I knew I felt close to you. Hee..So glad you enjoyed..

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 

      3 years ago from California

      Hi Ruby! I loved this! I know this bit of pain well--too well!

    • always exploring profile imageAUTHOR

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Gals. Happy you thought it was funny, that's what I was hoping for. Thank you..

    • KoffeeKlatch Gals profile image

      Susan Hazelton 

      3 years ago from Sunny Florida

      That was funny. I liked the blood drop on his lip.

    • always exploring profile imageAUTHOR

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Blossom. So many can relate. I don't feel quite so badly now. Thank you for coming by...

    • always exploring profile imageAUTHOR

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Shauna. I've never heard of uncle google. I will check it out. Thank's for the info.....

    • always exploring profile imageAUTHOR

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Ann. Thank you for coming back. I'm glad you got a good laugh....

    • always exploring profile imageAUTHOR

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Venkatachari. So glad you enjoyed. Thank you for coming by...Cheers..

    • always exploring profile imageAUTHOR

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Peggy. This is my second laptop. I bought one and hated it, took it back to the store and got a refund. People keep telling me that I will love the laptop if I give it a chance. No wires! Maybe so, we'll see. Thank you so much.....

    • BlossomSB profile image

      Bronwen Scott-Branagan 

      3 years ago from Victoria, Australia

      I can relate to this so well! It's good to see the funny side when it can all become so frustrating. Thanks for the smile!

    • always exploring profile imageAUTHOR

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello CrisSp. Thank you for coming to read my highly exaggerated piece. I had a ball writing it. Glad you enjoyed. Thank you...

    • always exploring profile imageAUTHOR

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Genna. You too huh? I am sorry you had so much trouble but can't deny my happiness of not being the only ' nontechie ' So glad you could relate. Thank you..Hugs...

    • always exploring profile imageAUTHOR

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello drbj. A ' techie ' I am not

      I'm living in a world with an unloaded cart

      My brain struggles to keep up

      But my mouth keeps saying, " I forgot "

      Sometimes I want to toss the towel in

      But I would miss my witty friend

      M'luv.....

    • always exploring profile imageAUTHOR

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Paula. I'm so glad I cracked you up. Hee..Mission accomplished! Thank you...Hugs..

    • always exploring profile imageAUTHOR

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Oh Shyron you made me lol. Your hubby must of gone to the same school as me. lol My computer is now showing an arrow and saying click to download abs. ? I may not survive this trauma..Hee..Hugs.

    • always exploring profile imageAUTHOR

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Clive. Hee. I'm glad it touched your funny bone. The poor computer guy is now in therapy. lol..Thank you....

    • always exploring profile imageAUTHOR

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Martie. I can see the headlines, " Old woman found in bathtub with laptop computer, hub pages flashing sparks " . Hee..Hugs...

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 

      3 years ago from Central Florida

      Ruby, we didn't have computers when I was in school. I use Uncle Google when I need to learn tech stuff. It helps to download user manuals for our tech products if they're not included.

    • annart profile image

      Ann Carr 

      3 years ago from SW England

      Yes, I did realise! I had a good laugh.

      Hope you have a good Monday.

      Ann

    • Venkatachari M profile image

      Venkatachari M 

      3 years ago from Hyderabad, India

      Very interesting and funny read. Enjoyed a lot. Thanks for sharing it. Voted up.

    • Peggy W profile image

      Peggy Woods 

      3 years ago from Houston, Texas

      You are one step ahead of me Ruby...that is in getting a laptop. I just have my desktop computer and one of these days may venture into the great beyond...away from the desk, that is. Ha! Loved the humor in this hub. :))

    • CrisSp profile image

      CrisSp 

      3 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      Ha..ha..too funny!

      I remember long ago when I used to sit in the office and we just acquired a new software called "Windows", my boss' brother (in his senior years) came to my desk and asked me, "Tell me, what's the difference between this window and that window (pointing to an actual window)?" I thought he was joking until I realized he was waiting for my answer. :)

      Good enjoyable hub!

    • always exploring profile imageAUTHOR

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Faith. I'm just as dumb with a phone! My grandson tries to explain things to me and will finally get a confused look on his face before throwing up his hands. lol..You're lucky to have a savvy hubby. I need to take another class, I just hope it's not the same instructor..Wow that's another hub.lol

    • always exploring profile imageAUTHOR

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Shauna. You ' youngins ' are so cool. You must have ' learnt ' it in school. Heck I thought I was soo cool when I typed on the typewriter. No kidding, it must be great to be tech savvy, I'm trying and learning as I go. I think my computer man took an early retirement, he's only 25..lol..Thank you,,Hugs...

    • always exploring profile imageAUTHOR

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Bill. We have one good excuse, computers were not invented when we were young. Heck a TV was like a miracle. lol..I'm glad I made you laugh.......

    • always exploring profile imageAUTHOR

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello John. Smart phone! I won't even go there, they are worse than a computer. I was sitting in the Dr. office and watched a little four year old text and operate a smart phone, he was so fast it blew my mind. Thank's for reading my rant....

    • always exploring profile imageAUTHOR

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Ann. I hope you realize that this piece is highly exaggerated. Hee..I know that a four year old could've set it up for me. But you're correct, computer people should know that. Thank's for coming by.....

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 

      3 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Ohhhh...can I relate to this one! My computer took a metaphorical swan dive several weeks ago, and it was a nail biting experience to have it replaced. I loved this one, Ruby, Touché! Hugs. :-)

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 

      3 years ago from south Florida

      Very clever, m'luv.

      Have you noticed, Ruby, how many of us can relate to your tale?

      When it comes to computer savvy too often we non-techies fail.

      So before this computer guy says goodbye and leaves the premises,

      Get the name of his replacement hoping he will not be your nemesis.

    • always exploring profile imageAUTHOR

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Frank. I thought you might get a kick out of this nutty piece. lol..I'm glad you thought it was witty....

    • always exploring profile imageAUTHOR

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Jonas. Nice to meet you. Happy you enjoyed. Thank you....

    • always exploring profile imageAUTHOR

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Mike. How many times have you told me you can do it Ruby? I can't count the times. Five years of ' how to ' emails and here I go again! I can't say that I like my laptop as well as my desktop but maybe it will get better with time. I had a blast writing this, somewhat exaggerated and a bunch of fibs..Hee..Thank you for all the support you've given me along our journey. Hugs my friend...

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 

      3 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      LOL!!! Ruby..you crack me up! and your timing is perfect!...Peace, Paula

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 

      3 years ago from Texas

      This is so funny, I know how you feel this is something I can definitely relate to. I am sitting here chuckling.

      My old computer use to turn itself on and one day I was at work and my husband called and he said "your computer came on" and I told him well turn it off and talked him through how to. He told me that it was off and we hung up, in a few minutes he called back and "your computer came back on" again I talked him through how to turn it off" and then finally told his UNPLUG IT! This thought comes to me when I think of computer problems: To err is human, but to really screw up, it takes a computer.

      Thumb-up UFABI and shared.

    • clivewilliams profile image

      Clive Williams 

      3 years ago from Jamaica

      This one really touches the funny bone...poor computer guy!

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 

      3 years ago from South Africa

      Everything new is such a vexation, but as soon as we understand it, everything seems to be easy. Enjoy your new laptop, Ruby. Just don't use it in the bath tub....

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 

      3 years ago from southern USA

      Hahahaha I hear you and I feel so bad for my hubby, as he is my computer man LOL.

      This reminds me when I first tried a smart phone, and I gave up and told my husband I wanted my dumb phone back, and I got it. Turns out we did order a terrible Smart Phone initially, but now I have a good one and am happy and still learning : ) It may have been me who was the dumb one and not the phone ...

      Clever and witty one here, dear Ruby!

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 

      3 years ago from Central Florida

      AToo funny, Ruby. At least you have a computer man to turn to (for the time being anyway); I do all my own set up, transfers, etc.

      I'll bet your computer guy will miss you as much as you miss him when he retires.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      That's what my son is for. New computer means a visit from my son. No hesitation. I know nothing about how they work....I'm with you all the way, Ruby, and you had me laughing out loud.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 

      3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      This was funny Ruby. Thanks for sharing. My wife is even less techy than I when it comes to the computer and gets upset when things go wrong and especially if I try yo give her advice. She's much smarter with a smart phone than me though..with them I am hopeless. Voted up....poor computer man.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 

      3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      This was funny Ruby. Thanks for sharing. My wife is even less techy than I when it comes to the computer and gets upset when things go wrong and especially if I try yo give her advice. She's much smarter with a smart phone than me though..with them I am hopeless. Voted up....poor computer man.

    • annart profile image

      Ann Carr 

      3 years ago from SW England

      I'm no techie either! As long as it works I'm fine; if it doesn't I get really stressed. Just bought a new desktop but because my laptop is too old I have to transfer using a separate hard drive - ugh! I'll be bald by the time I've finished doing that!

      Great poem! I didn't feel sorry for the guy at all; people shouldn't assume we are all 'up to speed' with this stuff and that's what they're there for, to help.

      Ann

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 

      3 years ago from Shelton

      very clever.. witty .. and entertaining.. love the quote I can't fix stupid LOL

    • Jonas Rodrigo profile image

      Jonas Rodrigo 

      3 years ago

      This was very humorous! Good hub!

    • mckbirdbks profile image

      mckbirdbks 

      3 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha - You can do it you can. You can. Desktop, lap top, not like out of the frying pan into the flame. Or so I hear.

    • always exploring profile imageAUTHOR

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello DJ. My son asks me questions like, you don't know how to do that? It's easy just do this? I haven't a clue. I'm glad I'm not alone. Hee..Thank you...

    • always exploring profile imageAUTHOR

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Cam. I am brain dead when it involves technology. Just a fun write. Thank's for coming by....

    • profile image

      DJ Anderson 

      3 years ago

      Great story, Ruby.

      I have no computer skills. My son is an IT for a large firm.

      When I ask for help his first question is, "Mom, what did you do to the computer?" I don't know enough to even get into trouble.

      A nice tribute to your old computer and a warm welcome to your

      new PC.

      DJ.

    • cam8510 profile image

      Chris Mills 

      3 years ago from Missoula, Montana through August 2018

      Very funny, Ruby. Don't feel too sorry for him, he's retiring.

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