AM STILL WAITING.
In my head have already moved on like millions of years ago but my heart is still fragile, still healing.
It's confusing how I try hard not to think about what we were while that's the only thing that runs my through my head whenever I see people holding hands. It's easy to remember how I could just fall asleep in your arms and how different it is right now. Sometimes I have to take pills just so I can sleep.
I still feed the birds on the weekends. Sometimes hoping that you'd just magically appear and just hold me one last time, and probably say goodbye.
Am still scared of loving. Am scared of lending my heart to someone else . Am scared it's gonna end up like the last time and the time before that. Am scared that I'll end up having to stay locked up in my room crying myself out. Am scared that maybe it won't be the same. Amen scared that it's gonna hurt a little bit more than the last time.
I know I have a problem talking to strangers. And I know I commit fully at everything. I know I have a problem in letting go, I really don't forget. I know I can be a pain, I know I can be childish and silly at times. I know I can be a nightmare. I know I can be a lot of things people don't like, a lot of things I don't even like.
I have bruises I am trying to tend to.
I have a heart that am still trying to stitch back together. I have memories am trying to burry. Am still undecided whether I should give love a second chance.
Am still trying to figure out if moving on is a thing in my world.
Am still trying to deal with some pain I caused to myself. Am trying to learn from the mistakes I made.
Am still here waiting for a stranger whose gonna see me like you did..
Am still waiting for a stranger to come rekindle the hope I still have.
© 2019 Amani Utembu