Answering Questions About My Life (Prose & Poetry)

Recently, I was having a conversation with a friend of mine. And like all conversations, we talked about life, and we pondered why our lives had gone the way they have. This friend and I are very similar in a lot of ways. Although I am much older with more experiences of life and love under my belt, this person has also had some failed attempts at life and love that can leave one crushed with no answers. And in that way, I respect this friend and trust their advice.

Anyway, we got on the subject of why love has been so hard for us. Then we talked about me, specifically. We started talking about the reasons why I am still single after all these years. It was a normal conversation to have after I just had another birthday that has brought to my reality my escalating age. My friend had a very interesting answer for me. Probably one I have thought of myself through the years. Let me explain.

You see; I had several long-term relationships through my life; from the time, I was 18 until the age of 34. I was single only for about a year in between two relationships. Both were long and trying times for me. Both were very different, but hurtful in so many ways. Needless to say, I have become definitely and permanently scarred by what I went through with both.

Even though these relationships played a big part of ruining my hopes to find a true love, I am a hopeless romantic, and even to this day I secretly hope for a turn around. However, I made a mistake after the last relationship broke up, and loneliness led me to a rebound relationship. I recognized this and ended the relationship soon after I had my son. I was 35 at this time, and I felt so lost. I had two kids; one with whom I thought was the love of my life, and the other with the rebound relationship. I was purely devastated with life at this point. As it goes, I shut myself off and decided to concentrate on raising my kids, and that’s what I have been doing ever since. I am now 44, so, you can add up how long it’s been since I have gone out or tried to get to know someone to have another true and steady relationship.

This brings me back to what my friend told me and the reason I wrote this poem. As I stated earlier, he told me something that I knew was the truth, and I felt like it was maybe time to explain my story so people would get a better understanding of why I live this way, and why I don’t venture out more.

My friend said; You know Missy...everyone sees you the way you are, and that, I think, is what confuses them the most. They don't understand why you are still single. So, they start to assume that there has to be something else to you, something may be wrong with you.. And that is when I really realized it was time to share.

Over the years, I have attempted to be more open. It has been a therapy type of thing for me. It’s helped me understand myself even more. I found my niche in poetry to do this, and as I lay my story out in my own words, I hope everyone will see me. I hope people realize everyone has their reasons for being the way they are.

I decided to write this poem in the narrative form like a part of a chapter of my life. I don’t want to be looked at as something being wrong with me as the reason I have not settled down. I mean, I am unique, but I am fully capable of being loved in a normal way. I haven’t found that yet. I have attempted just recently to love someone, but it was long-distance, and it ended. It was again an inevitable love loss.

At this point in my life, I’m still trying to keep believing, but with an optimistic manner of being single for the rest of my life is also fine as well. I don’t know why my life has gone the way it has, but I hope this poem shows others that, again, everyone has a story. Judgments toward others and assumptions are going to be wrong unless you know that person in a personal way. You just cannot know another person’s life of struggle. So please, take that to heart as you think of others, as you think of me and why I’m single while reading a part of my history. There are so many stories to me that I cannot possibly express them in one single poem, or even several, but I’m going to keep trying. No, not for others so much, but for me; for the need to set myself free.