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Answering Questions About My Life (Prose & Poetry)

Updated on November 30, 2016
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What's My Story...

Recently, I was having a conversation with a friend of mine. And like all conversations, we talked about life, and we pondered why our lives had gone the way they have. This friend and I are very similar in a lot of ways. Although I am much older with more experiences of life and love under my belt, this person has also had some failed attempts at life and love that can leave one crushed with no answers. And in that way, I respect this friend and trust their advice.

Anyway, we got on the subject of why love has been so hard for us. Then we talked about me, specifically. We started talking about the reasons why I am still single after all these years. It was a normal conversation to have after I just had another birthday that has brought to my reality my escalating age. My friend had a very interesting answer for me. Probably one I have thought of myself through the years. Let me explain.

You see; I had several long-term relationships through my life; from the time, I was 18 until the age of 34. I was single only for about a year in between two relationships. Both were long and trying times for me. Both were very different, but hurtful in so many ways. Needless to say, I have become definitely and permanently scarred by what I went through with both.

Even though these relationships played a big part of ruining my hopes to find a true love, I am a hopeless romantic, and even to this day I secretly hope for a turn around. However, I made a mistake after the last relationship broke up, and loneliness led me to a rebound relationship. I recognized this and ended the relationship soon after I had my son. I was 35 at this time, and I felt so lost. I had two kids; one with whom I thought was the love of my life, and the other with the rebound relationship. I was purely devastated with life at this point. As it goes, I shut myself off and decided to concentrate on raising my kids, and that’s what I have been doing ever since. I am now 44, so, you can add up how long it’s been since I have gone out or tried to get to know someone to have another true and steady relationship.

This brings me back to what my friend told me and the reason I wrote this poem. As I stated earlier, he told me something that I knew was the truth, and I felt like it was maybe time to explain my story so people would get a better understanding of why I live this way, and why I don’t venture out more.

My friend said; You know Missy...everyone sees you the way you are, and that, I think, is what confuses them the most. They don't understand why you are still single. So, they start to assume that there has to be something else to you, something may be wrong with you.. And that is when I really realized it was time to share.


And Here's the Rest of the Story...

Over the years, I have attempted to be more open. It has been a therapy type of thing for me. It’s helped me understand myself even more. I found my niche in poetry to do this, and as I lay my story out in my own words, I hope everyone will see me. I hope people realize everyone has their reasons for being the way they are.

I decided to write this poem in the narrative form like a part of a chapter of my life. I don’t want to be looked at as something being wrong with me as the reason I have not settled down. I mean, I am unique, but I am fully capable of being loved in a normal way. I haven’t found that yet. I have attempted just recently to love someone, but it was long-distance, and it ended. It was again an inevitable love loss.

At this point in my life, I’m still trying to keep believing, but with an optimistic manner of being single for the rest of my life is also fine as well. I don’t know why my life has gone the way it has, but I hope this poem shows others that, again, everyone has a story. Judgments toward others and assumptions are going to be wrong unless you know that person in a personal way. You just cannot know another person’s life of struggle. So please, take that to heart as you think of others, as you think of me and why I’m single while reading a part of my history. There are so many stories to me that I cannot possibly express them in one single poem, or even several, but I’m going to keep trying. No, not for others so much, but for me; for the need to set myself free.

A meaningful life is not being rich, being popular, being highly educated or being perfect. It is about being real, being humble, being able to share ourselves and touch the lives of others. It is only then that we could have a full, happy and contented life.

— author unknown

Looking Back And Asking Why.....© 2015 Missy Smith

Seven Years of Bad Luck...

An Evil Awaits...

Nobody Will Ever Break My Pride...

Moral...

I made the theme of this hub butterflies. Butterflies symbolize a pure spirit. A butterfly goes through a realm of changes to reach it's final beauty. I like the symbolism in this thought. I look at my life in a similar manner. I have grown and changed so much through my life experiences, and I hope in the end that I will be seen as someone who became exactly who she was suppose to be.

© 2015 Missy Smith

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    • Missy Smith profile image
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      Missy Smith 22 months ago from Florida

      Enthralled is a good word Surabhi. I like that my words captivate you like that. I'm glad you took the time to read my poem and comment. It really means so much to me. :)

    • profile image

      Surabhi Kaura 22 months ago

      Wow! Missy! I am enthralled. You are very creative and your poetry depicts Love; an innocent Love. I am totally drawn. Keep this spirit high and let the butterflies fly. Lots of love, my friend. God bless.

    • Missy Smith profile image
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      Missy Smith 22 months ago from Florida

      I am really glad you like this hub Chitrangada. It does help lighten the load on our hearts and mind when we can release, and writing, to me, is the best outlet to do that. Thanks again!

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image

      Chitrangada Sharan 22 months ago from New Delhi, India

      Extremely absorbing and heart touching if I talk about the hub! You have almost poured your heart out and I am sure you must be feeling lighter. So many of us who read this can relate to this.

      Relationships sometimes are hurtful and this happens with all of us. It is however wise to move forward and not keep on thinking about such hurtful instances. Easier said than done but wise to follow the policy of forget and forgive.

      Lovely presentation and I liked the symbolism of butterflies in your hub.

      Thanks for sharing your story in this beautiful hub!

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 22 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      I merely respond to what I receive from the words of others...with my heart. You have an innate talent of expressing the rawness of our deepest thoughts. At that level, we become one in spirit.

    • Missy Smith profile image
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      Missy Smith 22 months ago from Florida

      I wonder that myself, Paula. And I love how you word your wisdom; It's Beautiful and Inspiring! I have met a few people here on hubpages that really inspire me and whom I enjoy every comment I get. You are definitely one of those people. Thanks for always sending such uplifting comments my way. :)

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 22 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Missy.....Powerful. I felt every word. I often wonder, if we had the ability to see into the future, would we heed the warnings or ignore? Would we doubt that pain & heartbreak could dare mar our love?

      But the reality is that our lives go on one day, one moment at a time and none of us possess the magic to change what's meant to be...no matter how we ache for the love of our life. Ultimately, it all becomes a test. A test of our heart & strength and a test of survival, while protecting ourselves yet nursing our hopes.

      Just know that whatever ways you choose to go on.....it is all the way it should be. Peace, Paula

    • Missy Smith profile image
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      Missy Smith 22 months ago from Florida

      Yes, Aviannovice. I believe threatened is a good word. It's sad, but many men cannot deal with being comfortable, or someone being comfortable in their own skin for that matter. At least the ones I have chosen. They seem to think improvements can always be made, even if life is damn near perfect! idiots!! lol... Thanks for stopping by.:)

    • Missy Smith profile image
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      Missy Smith 22 months ago from Florida

      Thank you Dana. I think you are right, and I'm really glad you have found someone now and there is nothing what-so-ever wrong with taking things slow. If he is the right man for you, he will understand, right? :) I still have hope something good will come my way. Take care and thanks again.

    • aviannovice profile image

      Deb Hirt 22 months ago from Stillwater, OK

      Perhaps those chosen people fear your changing, which is something that we ALL do. A changing spirit evolves to a higher plane and if someone else feels threatened by it, it was not a good choice of partnership. Changes signifies growth, and not everyone is capable of growth. The trick is to be able to grow TOGETHER.

    • Dana Tate profile image

      Dana Tate 22 months ago from LOS ANGELES

      I loved the presentation of this hub. Our stories are very similar. I also had two very long term relationships that broke my heart. I have been dating a wonderful guy, but I am taking things very slow. Just keep living life, he will find you when you least expect it.

    • Missy Smith profile image
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      Missy Smith 22 months ago from Florida

      I've heard that saying as well through my life Gypsy. I don't know how I feel about that. Some days I'm sure I agree, and others, I'm sure I don't. I don't know if I will ever find someone, and like your friend, my parents are getting up there in age, and they are really the only ones I have ever turned to, so I can relate to how frightened she must be. I do have my children, which I'm extremely grateful for. I would never dream of hindering their growth though. I know they will set off for their own dreams and family one day. I will not expect them to cater to mom. I want them to live a life I didn't find.

      I hope your friend finds true love as well. There's also another saying I hear a lot....There is someone for everyone you just have to be patient, and they will come along. Again, I'm divided on if I believe it to be true or not, but I hope so. Thanks for your comment Gypsy! :)

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 22 months ago from Riga, Latvia

      You still have a lot of life ahead of you and I sure hope you find the true love you seek. Lovely and emotional poetry. The saying is it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. I am mentioning this because you also got two wonderful children out of your relationships. That is great but I know a very sad young woman in her 40s too who not only does not have a true love but has never had anyone to love at all and now she is terrified of being alone since her mom is in her 70s and not having anyone ever.

    • Missy Smith profile image
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      Missy Smith 22 months ago from Florida

      You are so right, Frank. It does help me to express myself through what I write. I would like to thank you for taking the time to read what I write here, and also, for taking the time to really get my purpose. Many blessings to you! :)

    • Missy Smith profile image
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      Missy Smith 22 months ago from Florida

      Yes, Manatita, I do know that I possess my own unique beauty. It keeps me going most days, but I will admit, some days I feel the loneliness that my life has left me with. It's funny, some say; how can you be lonely? You have those two beautiful children? Yes, this is true, and I can't tell you how thankful I am for them. However, there are different levels of pain and loneliness that as individuals, we deal with. I know the key is to try to keep a focus on all the good in my life and not trail off to the bad too much. When I do find myself doing this, I try to write; writing is my way of getting the dreadful thoughts out of me and continuing on my journey. :) And I would like to thank you Manatita; you are a great advisor to help me do so.

    • Missy Smith profile image
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      Missy Smith 22 months ago from Florida

      I'm with you Swalia; we should never give up on love. It doesn't matter what has happened to us in the past. We need to remember that there is still good somewhere, and we could be lucky enough to find it one day. :)

      I know you have expressed that you are like me when it comes to this subject, and I do know there are others who have suffered betrayal. It's great for me to know that I have found some who are open enough to say they know what I have gone through, and that they relate to my story.

      Indeed, you also deserve much happiness as well Swalia!! I think we both will find it one day!! :)

    • Missy Smith profile image
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      Missy Smith 22 months ago from Florida

      I'm glad you like the butterflies Jodah. It was weird that I picked the theme of butterflies. As I was writing, I just said to myself; I don't want a lot of pictures, for some reason. I want butterflies. So, I went with it. I found the butterfly parchment paper, and I thought it was beautiful, I then decided to place the poetry on it.

      Yes, no one is perfect; I'm certainly not. That's why I do forgive everyone. I know we make mistakes, and sometimes I think the ones that have hurt me regret it. Actually, some have already expressed their regret to me. It's just...I think, sadly, the damage is already done most of the time.

      Like I told Manatita, this was the hardest one I've written yet. I don't know exactly why, but I just struggled through it. I hoped it read well, and I hoped everyone understood my point of it. Needless to say, I am never disappointed here on hubpages, there are so many wonderful people who, if they don't get me totally, certainly still get me in some way. That's all I could ask for.

      Thanks for your kind words Jodah. They always lift my spirits! :)

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 22 months ago from Shelton

      Missy, sometimes when you express yourself in whatever format it seems to help.. I hope this hub helped you a bit.. and the poetry too seem ripe and raw.. bless you :)

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 22 months ago from london

      Hi Again,

      I note and wanted to highlight your second paragraph. Yes, we already know. There is really nothing that others can tell us that we do not know. We are of God and She burns brightly in each and every Heart, singing Her message of Love and beauty as well as darkness and shadows.

      "Both Light and Shadow, are the dance of Love." -Rumi.

      Anyway, we simply remind each other, of what is already known. You are an extremely beautiful Pearl, but tell me that you know this. Right? Love, my Sweet Friend.

    • swalia profile image

      Shaloo Walia 22 months ago

      I really like the way you share your story with all honesty and no inhibitions. Like I'd told you before, I relate to your story at so many levels. In fact, we have more or less the same story when it comes to love. I have been single for so many years now and yet, I have not given up on love. I aspire the higher form of love now- Divine love. Surrendering to the divine has transformed me and rescued me from falling into the chasm of despair and depression.

      I wish you all the happiness that you deserve!

    • Missy Smith profile image
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      Missy Smith 23 months ago from Florida

      Well, thank you so much Limpet. It really makes me happy when my poetry means something to someone else, or someone else can relate to it. I'm so glad you ran across my poem. :)

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 23 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Hi Missy my sweet friend. This is a stunningly beautiful hub. The setting out of the poem on the fragile parchment with the butterflies..beautiful. Thank you for attempting to explain your life and relationships through both prose and poetry. I really think I do get you and where you are coming from. Whether they are bad or good our past relationships do affect us and how we handle future ones, though when things go wrong and they don't work out it is so easy to question.."What did I do wrong?" or "What's wrong with me?" Sometimes we just make bad decisions, and we need to realize that other people aren't perfect. Sometimes they will hurt us. I think the butterfly symbolizes you well. A beautiful creature that means no harm to anyone but is also fragile and can be crushed by the unthinking or cruel. You express yourself well in your poetry and there is never a need to apologize for what you write. Bless you.

    • limpet profile image

      Ian Stuart Robertson 23 months ago from London England

      I've just finished reading this poem and i certainly shall be looking at it again perhaps to even learn by heart the verses. I can definately relate to the scenario presented but i'm older and wiser now!

    • Missy Smith profile image
      Author

      Missy Smith 23 months ago from Florida

      This one was really hard for me to share Manatita. I'm not sure if it was because I started writing it when I was so ill or what, but it was a back and forth process.

      I started it right after I had the conversation with my friend. I mean what my friend said is nothing I hadn't thought was true; however, actually hearing someone say it meant I knew it was definitely real then. I was viewed as damaged in some way.

      The thing is; it took me so long to put this together, way longer than anything else I've written here. I would stop and ponder if I wanted to delete it, then I would try some more to finish it. I would think it doesn't make sense; people will not get it, because it was hard for me to express what I was trying to get across. I didn't even think anyone would care to read this, and I apparently still don't.

      However, I continued to write this poem, and realized I was probably trying to make sense out of it more for myself than wanting others to understand my journey. After all, I've never been one to care if people get me or not, and I certainly never cared about what they think of me.

      I had to ask myself; was this something I really cared to share or would I regret it? And, as I'm still not so confident about this poem, or this hub in a whole, I just took the chance and published it.

      I was sincerely glad to see such a long and thought-provoking response from you. You honestly do get the inner souls of others Manatita and what I was trying to accomplish here. That made me feel better. Thank You! :)

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 23 months ago from london

      You told your story well, Missy. Believe me, each Soul has its own story, and its thought turns largely around itself. Yours is unique, of course, but many of us humans see only ours.

      My message is the same, about being free now (I know it's not easy, yes).

      Acceptance and moving forward helps in so many ways. Dance, swim, enjoy your hobbies; go to a comedy stand-up, anything that will keep the Spirit happy. People who hurt us are also going through their own baggage. Each Soul has its own troubles, and its thought are largely around itself.

      I like your butterflies. Fly with them. Don't be like anyone, unless they seek Freedom; can add Light to your Soul. Offer this Light to the children, and receive like the maestro who gives, but is filled with adulation at the loud applause, the 'more, more' feeling; the standing ovation ...he receives well.

      Good to hear your story. 44 you say? Give yourself something with vision to live for; offer the prayer of surrender and shed all the past experiences, in Silence. So many have seen dark times! Ours is a struggle to have an easier, more fulfilled life: You, me ...all. Much Love, my sweet Friend

      You presented the story well, and you showed no bitterness. Nice!