As I Live And Breathe
"Life is amazing. And then it's awful. And then it's amazing again. And in between the amazing and the awful it's ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary. That's just living heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life. And it's breathtakingly beautiful." L.R.Knost
How do we face stressful, hectic, traumatic, panicky, upsetting (the list is endless) times? Best advice, "Just Breathe."
How do we accept serenity, poise, restraint, love (the list is endless) times? Best advice, "Just Breathe."
Disharmony and harmony both require breathing, but what a vast difference in our breaths. With one we take deep calculated and intentional breaths on command and with purpose. The other we take slow, composed, tranquil breaths with freedom and enjoyment. Our breathing controls our feelings and emotions. We control our feelings and emotions with our breathing. We learn to breathe in and hold it or to just breathe it in and enjoy it. I tried to count how many times I had to "Just Breathe" in my lifetime. Naturally, thus far it's endless.
Times I had to be impelled or instructed to take intentional breaths.
When I was born -I've heard and even repeated, this is the hardest thing you will have to do in your lifetime. That is wrong, it's the first of provoked breaths from annoyance and suffering you will take in a lifetime and it's the first that gives pleasure and happiness to those who witness the miracle of that first breath. A breath we don't remember taking. One breath two reactions
When I had to take painful treatments and of course I remember polio shots (everyone, every time repeating the same instruction) - "take a deep breath and hold it."
When you hear- "This is going to hurt" ( emotionally or physically) - "but just, take a deep breath."
When I fell on a board with nails and they had to pull the nails from my knee - "take a deep breath and look the other way."
When I had x-rays taken - Again, "take a deep breath and hold it."
When I had radiation treatments (this to a 5yr old who had to remain in a dark room while covered with a black thick mat covering everything but one exposed place - "take slow breaths and try not to move. Your mommy is right by the door."
When I had a MRI - "don't panic, breathe slowly and don't move."
When I panicked because my mother was taken from a car accident by ambulance - "just calm down and take a deep breath."
When we had family or school pictures (explains that frozen look when I look at some of those photos - "everyone look this way, take a deep breath and hold it."
After I had emergency surgery while I was half awake and they were pushing a tube down my nose and throat into my stomach - "Sharon take a deep breath and swallow. Sharon take another."
When my brothers talked me into holding onto the electric fence with both hands while standing on damp ground - "you're alright, just take a deep breath and don't tell Mom."
When I was walking down the aisle -"take deep breaths, walk a little faster, keep step to the music."
When I was giving birth (three times) - "concentrate on your breathing, don't hold your breath."
When there were times I was faced with the reality of danger or harm that involved my children- "take deep breaths and pace with me or sit with me and pray,it helps."
When I would panic with the trials of raising children (I mean the real trouble)- take a deep breath and try not to lose your tempter." or "take a deep breath and count to ten."
When I struggled with Bill's health issues - "just calm down and take a deep breath."
When I faced friends and family at Bill's memorial - "remember stop and take a deep breath when you think you'll breakdown."
Times when I didn't need instruction and my breaths came with ease and pleasure (sighs).
Our first passionate kiss - a sigh of total ecstasy.
Our every kiss - breaths of complete ecstasy.
Your gentle touch - breaths of anticipation.
Whenever I was with you - sighs of comfort.
When we would dance - breaths of joie de vivre.
When you would smile at me - breaths of delight.
When you would whistle - breaths of cheerfulness.
When we made love for the first time - breaths of united passionate splendor.
Whenever we made love - united breaths of passionate splendor.
Being your wife - breaths of fulfillment.
Giving birth - a breath taking miracle.
When my babies cried with their first breath - sighs of relief and joy.
Getting thru all the growing pains - a breath of victory.
Every whisper of love - breaths filled with enchantment.
As I would breathe in your scent - breaths of desire.
As I would breathe in the scent of our babies - breaths of wonder.
When we married - breaths full of trust and faithfulness.
When we became a family of three, four, five - breaths of responsibility and devotion.
When I would experience the pleasures of being a parent - sighs of gratification and deep pride.
When I would lose my temper and know I was forgiven - breaths of deep regret and gratitude.
When I would experience the trials of being a parent - breaths of mediation.
While watching our children - breaths of pure tranquillity.
When I would see you - breaths full of thrill and excitement.
When I needed you close - breaths of relief.
When I gave you my heart - a breath of completion.
When you would hold me - sighs of contentment.
When our children hugged me around the neck with all their strength - breaths of amusement.
Now, if my children hug me - breaths of extra enjoyment.
When I knew my children were at peace in their beds - sighs of relief.
When I would fall asleep next to you - breaths of peaceful bliss.
Waking up next to you - sighs of pleasure.
Seeing your children as responsible adults - breath of accomplishment.
Grandchildren - breaths of hope.
Remembering - sighs of thankfulness.
All these experiences were part of breathing in and breathing out. It's natural and easy or forced and controlled. And, sometimes it leaves you breathless. I will never tell anyone again the hardest thing they will do is to take that first breath. It's something we don't even remember. It may be true, I can't prove or disprove it. But, the hardest thing I will always remember is watching someone you love take that last breath and wishing them to "Just Breathe". Watching my husband take that last breath took my contentment and desire with it. All was gone in just a breath and in that short instant of a breath, a life becomes a memory.
When I try to hold back the tears - impossible as I fight for every breath.