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My First Attempt At Haiku

Updated on June 10, 2012

Freeze

My first and only Ice Storm - harbinger of things to come.
My first and only Ice Storm - harbinger of things to come. | Source

Empty Nest

Life is gone.
Life is gone. | Source



Winter - Death parts us -

more bonds broken too... fly to

sweaty Summer nightmares



┬ęSue-Lynn Grace-All Rights Reserved.

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    • Suelynn profile image
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      Suelynn 5 years ago from Manitoba, Canada

      Sunshine! Lovely to see you here again! Thanks for your encouragement, and I will work on it - such a new form of writing for me. :)

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Fabulous Haiku Sue! I'm looking forward to more, many more!:)

    • Suelynn profile image
      Author

      Suelynn 5 years ago from Manitoba, Canada

      Dear Lesley, High praise indeed and I thank you greatly! :) Hugs to you, my friend.

    • Movie Master profile image

      Movie Master 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hi Sue, a beautiful subject and a beautiful haiku - well done, voting up and looking forward to more!

      Best wishes my friend, Lesley

    • Suelynn profile image
      Author

      Suelynn 5 years ago from Manitoba, Canada

      BeyondMax: Thank you for the understanding response! Hugs gratefully received and thankfully given.

      Hyphenbird, there is none so powerful as those who have walked in the same shoes! Thank you for your loving response - it brings great relief. I appreciate your invite and will find the group. xx

    • Hyphenbird profile image

      Brenda Barnes 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful

      Suelynn, I understand. That happened to me when my mother died. A brother was incredibly rude, ugly and hurtful toward me. So nightmare does describe that.

      You will break free. Those chains have no power over real love and the love of Christ makes them like gossamer.

      I also am glad to meet you here on HP. It is a wonderful community. Come visit me and the gang at The Emerald Wells Cafe by mckbirdbks. I hesitate to post a link but you can find it easily. It is a popular series here on HP. Regards, Hyph.

    • BeyondMax profile image

      BeyondMax 5 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Deep thoughtful Haiku, I like it how your made it an emotional seesaw with the reference to seasons, clever! Sorry for your loss, it's a tough time, hugs!

    • Suelynn profile image
      Author

      Suelynn 5 years ago from Manitoba, Canada

      Hyphenbird, I so greatly appreciate your interest and comments. Thank you. I have had several troubled relationships over a rather extended period and it has worn me down. The loss of my last (and loving) parent and then my in-laws, was almost the last straw. I was verbally bullied when I needed emotional support most and I think it is bothering me deeply - thus the nightmares. I struggle to break free of chains and bonds so that I can fly. I am so glad to meet you. xx

    • Hyphenbird profile image

      Brenda Barnes 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful

      The Haiku meaning is clear. The reference to the seasons makes the Haiku adhere to the traditional natural element. Personally, I do not think you should add more to the poem. The clear, concise 5-7-5, three line Haiku is what makes it so lovely in my opinion. I did write one Gunsaku type poem and it was a success I suppose because it received many positive comments. Since then though, I stick with the minimal words and syllables of Haiku.

      I do love your subject. Why nightmares in the last line (six syllables BTW)? That is the beauty of every person's testimony. I would have chosen regrets. It is a lovely poem.

    • Suelynn profile image
      Author

      Suelynn 5 years ago from Manitoba, Canada

      Deep Metaphysical: I thank you! The haiku has a far more physical meaning too... I just buried my Dad in the southern hemisphere and the day after my return in the northern hemisphere, buried my brother-in-law and father-in-law. It's all been a bit much. In this instance, the less spoken, the deeper the feeling of loss.

      Aviannovice: Thank you so much for appreciating.

      Recappers delight: As you see above, it is more than just winter, but I feel that winter keenly when awake, and sweat it out when I try to rest. Perhaps I needed to add more to the haiku to make it clearer, but somehow, I do think the words speak well enough for themselves. Thank you so much for your comments - I do appreciate your feedback greatly.

    • recappers delight profile image

      recappers delight 5 years ago

      Your gentle haiku

      Winter brings us death, sorrow

      Thank you for sharing

    • aviannovice profile image

      Deb Hirt 5 years ago from Stillwater, OK

      You said that quite succinctly! Well done.

    • Deep Metaphysical profile image

      Deep Biswas 5 years ago from India

      Love the chiaroscuro created with the death cold winters and summer sweat. Nice.

    • Suelynn profile image
      Author

      Suelynn 5 years ago from Manitoba, Canada

      Thank you so much for your encouragement, Billybuc. It is much appreciated.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Very nice for a first attempt. Keep at it and I look forward to more.

    • Suelynn profile image
      Author

      Suelynn 5 years ago from Manitoba, Canada

      Winphatak: Thank you so much for saying!

      Win-winresources: I appreciate your input greatly. I read up about it but was a little confused regarding the East and the West and haven't done so before but was compelled to try. I love what you said, and it's true: "Gotta write what's within..."

      Thanks so much for taking the time to educate.

      Have a superb Sunday.

      Sue-Lynn

    • profile image

      win-winresources 5 years ago from Colorado

      Hi Suelynn-

      Compelling thoughts and striking pictures. The empty house is quite an image.

      Traditional haiku is 5-7-5. The Japanese use sounds whereas Western writers tend to use syllables. That said, famous writers from both side of the world have noted that the 5-7-5 is the carcass of the poem and the image or essence is more highly valued even at the cost of the count.

      Guess the most important point is to write what feels good. Whenever I write gunsaku (a group of related haiku or tanka) I usually manage to find one or two that don't count out right. Oh, well...

      Gotta write what's within...

      -DW

    • winphatak profile image

      winphatak 5 years ago from Pune,India

      Nice. More of it please.

    • Suelynn profile image
      Author

      Suelynn 5 years ago from Manitoba, Canada

      Angelme566, thank you so much for your feedback. I am a little unsure as to style - Western Haiku is different to Eastern and I need to find out more,but I so appreciate your encouragement!! Thank you. xx

      Vellur: Thank you so much for saying!!

    • Vellur profile image

      Nithya Venkat 5 years ago from Dubai

      Beautiful!! Keep writing.

    • Angelme566 profile image

      Angelme566 5 years ago

      Oh , a beautiful free style haiku..love this! Keep writing haiku !