Because You're Worth It
This is a poem I wrote for my boyfriend Jason, whom I love with all my heart :)
I know that we argue,
I know that we fight.
And some days we wonder,
If all this is right.
We ponder and question the whys and the what
Convinced of our fate but unsure of the cost.
We love and we think and we strive and we try
But somehow we just can’t seem to know.
My eyes are all blurry. I’m crying again.
It seems that this thing is a common event.
I don’t mean to hurt you, upset you, at all.
I guess that’s the reason my tears start to fall.
I say that I’m sorry; I know it gets old.
To mean what I say is to do what I said.
I’m not the best person; I know that it’s true
But all love in my heart is for you…only you.
And even if my selfishness and paranoia rule
And turn me into someone that I never want to be
I just want you to know that underneath the fangs and thorns
I love you more than you could ever dream that it could be.
Don’t want to take for granted all the things I love in you
Don’t want to let my fears control my every waking move.
And if I have to give them up, and fight my demons more,
I’ll do it so our lives can be refreshed, renewed, restored.
Because you’re worth it J
Believe in us again, please don’t give up on me today.
I wish I was the woman that you’re wanting me to be.
I never meant to make you mad, or make you lose your mind.
I never meant to put a gap between your soul and mine.
I want to laugh, to cry with you. Where did we go so wrong?
How did we wind up here, in pain, frustrated, angry, sad?
There’s more to us, there’s more to this, I must believe it’s so.
I want to make you happy more than you could ever know.
I fail. Oh God I fail so many times I feel ashamed;
God gave me you; I let you down. I can’t forgive myself.
What do I do? I tear us down, instead of build us up?
It’s foolish; crazy; idiotic fear. I want to scream!
I want to scream my rage that all my fear controls me so.
I want to scream my rage that we could be so,so much more!
No pain, no tears, no drama and no fear to tear us down…
Just love, and peace, and joy and laughter—no one else, just us.
I know my jealous streak and all the shit my past has done,
Has caused me to become and act in ways I am ashamed.
I hope you know I feel you’re worth the pain of giving up
The strongholds in my mind that have imprisoned me so long.
Because you’re worth it, more than worth it; Hon I love you so;
More than you could ever dream, or feel, or even really know.
I don’t know if you think I’m being cheesy or extreme;
These words come from my heart; they aren’t for eloquence or show.
Do you know how much you mean to me? Do you really even know?
Do I forget to tell you day by day, just how I feel?
Do you know how much my heart feels pain when you are feeling sad
Do you know how happy all our plans together make me smile?
Cuz if you knew how much my heart connects and feels for you
Then maybe all these “problems” we encounter, wouldn’t be.
For where there’s love, true love, the strife—it has no place to roam.
And where’s there’s peace, respect, the “problems” vanish on their own.
I love you Jason, please believe my words come from my heart.
It’s not because I’m scared, dramatic—no. I speak the truth.
These feelings always beat inside the heart which beats for you;
Oh, God how much my heart is overflowing in these words….
You ask me if I’m happy. Yes, and more and more each day.
The arguments have no effect on what I have to say:
My love is yours; my soul is yours; my feelings, always true.
I’ve never felt for anyone the love I feel for you.
I don’t know why you love me, Jason; Don’t know what you see.
And even though I freak out, scared, I truly do believe
You love me, want me, care for me; I’m sorry that sometimes,
I let my drama, fear, and pain to dupe my mind, to blind my eyes.
I feel that when I touch your face, I touch your very soul.
And when we kiss, our hearts, connect; a love so powerful.
And when I look into your eyes, my heart—it rests in peace.
And when we touch, our hearts are one, our spirits have release.
My heart can sing; my spirit, fly, I’m happiest with you.
And when I’m in your arms I’m in such perfect, blessed peace.
You asked me why I cried? Because I’m blessed to have such love.
We have a bond, a special love, no one can tear apart.