Being Heartbroken, How Would You Describe It?

This hub was created in response to the question "If you were heart-broken, how would you explain it?" by wearenotthesame00.

Here is a true story..............

In 1997 she met a young man from church whom she fell in love with and he said he loved her too. The relationships was great, or so she thought. They were both young and in love but the church frowned on extra-marital relationships.

They kept their relationship a secret all the while planning their "marriage talk" with the pastor. Both Carolee and Greg were uncomfortable with the secret so when the oppointment with Pastor was not forthcoming the next best thing was to speak to Carolee's granddad.

Greg came to see Granddad on a Sunday afternoon and he admitted that his intentions were to marry Carolee. Granddad advised them to try to make another appointment to speak with Pastor.

Carolee was leaving the whole thing up to Greg as he was the man and by tradition, it was the man's duty to make the appointment. Carolee had no idea that Greg had never made the first appointment and the only reason he came to see her grandfather was to please her.

Pastor traveled that month and they never spoke with him.

The relationship grew and blossomed into something very powerful and out of control. Greg was the one, Carolee thought and she honestly believed she was the one for him.

The Church

Before you know what happened you need to understand the Jamaican beliefs and church customs. Young people aren't really free to date. No church brother is allowed to go visit a church sister alone, especially at her home. A couple who start to see each other must have plans to get married. There are so many rules that people are scared and end up marrying people that they think the church will approve instead of people they are in love with.

Greg was scared and he did tell her he wanted to marry her but he wasn't ready because he needed to get a better job and have a place of his own. She believed him and she believed the reason why he never made that appointment to see pastor was because of who he knew pastor to be and that's exactly what happened.

Pastors return and the deacon nosiness

Greg and Carolee made love and that was definitely not allowed in the church. They decided that it must never happen again, but Greg said he could not get it off his mind. He was with deacon he trusted when he told him what happened.

This deacon came to Carolee's house and read her the riot act, then he proceeded to announce the whole thing to Pastor.

What Pastor then did was totally wrong, uncalled for and embarrassing. He called a meeting of all the church members and announced it in church, then proceeded to ask Greg what he was doing at Carolee's house, if he was her husband. That was very embarrassing for him and he told her that he couldn't go through with the relationship.

He further told pastor, to get into pastor's good graces, that he had no intention of marrying her. He later apologized and wanted to get back together but here is what happened when he broke her heart.

Her heart

She felt a sense of loss, like someone had died. She also felt lost as if she had no direction. A heaviness remained in her chest for a long time and occasionally she felt like something was piercing her where her heart was supposed to be. Every time she though about Greg she felt that pain and that was constantly.

Carolee had gone to the Cayman Islands shortly afterward and she thought that being away from the turmoil would make her feel better but it didn't. As a matter of fact it was probably worse because she felt she needed to fix things but couldn't.

Carolee often felt a sense of despair, as if she was going crazy. That lost feeling would overcome her and she would walk and walk, to nowhere in particular. She would stand on the pier in Elizabethan Square and wished she would be swallowed up by the ocean.

Her devastation was great as she often felt like she was a part of a wasteland. The misery overtook her and she found herself being nasty to people. She wanted to talk to no one and wanted to hear no voices. Music was like noise to her and food was like powder.

For Carolee, every waking moment was misery and every sleeping moment was a nightmare. There was no life or passion in whatever she did. Her misery then became anger and the anger became pain again. Then the pain made her numb and she stayed in that numb state for a few years.

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In answer to the question, it's really hard to define heartbreak in one sentence. It's a process for me and it happens in waves.Heart break happens when expectations aren't realized. If I had expected that Greg would have chickened out then I would probably not have been so hurt, because I expected it. Some people live to expect the worse to circumvent the pain and heartbreak that comes with disappointment.

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