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Benson's Back From His Abduction

Updated on May 28, 2009

Dear Fellow Hubbers,

I need your help. I have just returned after a long absence. Why such a long absence? Some of you might have heard but I am telling this for the records (and, yes, may be, a few clicks). After I posted my last hub, I was abducted by a gang of four men and a woman who alleged to be some “hup-mop”, or something that sounded similar. I believed they addressed themselves as Christoph, Cris, Shades, CW and Shirley. They were always wearing Disney Character masks and not for once showed their faces. They were also applying voice deformers on their necks when they talked to cover up their real voices. The woman seemed to have a strong Canadian accent though. However, I was drugged and might not be lucid throughout to get the names right. I was tortured four times daily, each lasting to what seemed like hours. They almost drove me insane, taking turns to read out loud my worst writing to a back-ground music of “the Walk of the Baby Elephant”. I finally cracked up, broke down in tears and promised to learn grammar and improve my writing. They appeared satisfied and promised to release me. However, they also warned me that I could expect to be abducted again, should my writing show lack of respect for this learning experience. Only that the next time round they would start chopping out my ears and fingers, and a body part most intimate to me and my wife. They reassured me that experiences of losses like these, especially the loss of the latter, are associated with a good chance of turning me into one of the world’s greatest writers. Failing that, these will at least make me one of the world’s greatest writers without balls. They even mentioned the name of an ancient Chinese historian by the name of Sze-ma Qian, who transformed from good to great when this specific torture hit him.

Since my release, I have been trying to sleep without much success. I have at times tried to write, with even less success. The thought of bad writing courting misfortune to return haunts me. Every time I dozed off from profound somnolence, I startled and woke up in fright, trembling but still finding my own hand on my private part, ascertaining its small, but significant presence.

I have thought this over and decided that I can’t stay silent and put up with these terrible crimes, tortures and threats any more. Dear friends, I am begging for your help. Can someone please help and turn in this perverted “hup-mop” consisting members nick-named Christoph, Cris, Shades, CW and Shirley? The FBI has my case in their files and they can be reached here: infoaboutbensonabduction@fbi.org. Many thanks for saving my ears, fingers and uh… . Thanks any way.


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    • Benson Yeung profile imageAUTHOR

      Benson Yeung 

      8 years ago from Hong Kong

      Hi Jufi,

      thanks for commenting. Good to see you.

    • Jufi profile image

      Jufi 

      8 years ago from USA

      Hi Benson,

      That was so funny! Thanks for the laugh. Your posts are always so entertaining, informative and so well-thought out. And your grammar is excellent.

      If my grammar teacher were to see my blogs, she seriously would have a heartache. I got a million errors on it. Perhaps I was sleeping during class when she talked about past/present tense. YIKES.

      Anyhow, love your work. Keep on posting. ;)

    • Benson Yeung profile imageAUTHOR

      Benson Yeung 

      8 years ago from Hong Kong

      Hi Sally's Trove,

      thanks for commenting. Hope all's well on your side now.

    • Sally's Trove profile image

      Sherri 

      8 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

      I've been a little out of touch myself, but sadly my story is not nearly as funny and engrossing as yours. Somehow I knew instinctively to hide from that hub-mop thing, and it looks like it was the right thing to do. Hands down, The Walk of the Baby Elephant is the worst torture! Thanks for a great laugh.

    • Benson Yeung profile imageAUTHOR

      Benson Yeung 

      9 years ago from Hong Kong

      Hi salmanali123,

      Thanks for commenting.

    • salmanali123 profile image

      salmanali123 

      9 years ago

      lol funny nice taddy like me:)

    • blondepoet profile image

      blondepoet 

      9 years ago from australia

      Good point doc that makes sense I would lose my head if it were possible ROFL

    • Benson Yeung profile imageAUTHOR

      Benson Yeung 

      9 years ago from Hong Kong

      Hi Christoph,

      of course it wasn't you. Even if it were you, I would have forgiven you, all for the sake of better writing.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 

      9 years ago from St. Louis

      It wasn't me, Benson, I swear! I was no where near the place. No way! And we wouldn't really chop your fingers off. Geez!

    • Benson Yeung profile imageAUTHOR

      Benson Yeung 

      9 years ago from Hong Kong

      OK. Where did you put your cell phone? I'd have you find it first.

    • blondepoet profile image

      blondepoet 

      9 years ago from australia

      If they ever do it again call me on my cell phone and I will turn into the Catwoman and come save you. Just hit the button. (hugs)

    • Benson Yeung profile imageAUTHOR

      Benson Yeung 

      9 years ago from Hong Kong

      Hi BP,

      don't worry. Your writing is great. I don't think you'll be after you.

    • blondepoet profile image

      blondepoet 

      9 years ago from australia

      Oh no Benson what trauma you have been through I am going after the mob. It is just as I suspected. When you were gone so long I feared the worst. I am just going to arm myself with my paint gun and seek revenge for these hideous crimes......

    • Benson Yeung profile imageAUTHOR

      Benson Yeung 

      9 years ago from Hong Kong

      hi einron,

      thanks for dropping by. I also look forward to resuming my writing.

    • einron profile image

      einron 

      9 years ago from Toronto, Ontario, CANADA

      You are very creative in your writing. Hope you are recovering from your phobia or whatever it is. May you regale us with the next episode.

    • Benson Yeung profile imageAUTHOR

      Benson Yeung 

      9 years ago from Hong Kong

      Hi Cris,

      I must have mistaken the song. Were you playing something else while you tortured me?

    • Cris A profile image

      Cris A 

      9 years ago from Manila, Philippines

      Wattup, Doc?

      There should be another Cris on HP for I surely would never torture anyone with "The Walk of the Baby Elephant" playing in the background!

      Nice to see you back! :D

    • Benson Yeung profile imageAUTHOR

      Benson Yeung 

      9 years ago from Hong Kong

      hi anglnwu,

      thanks for dropping by. good to see you getting more involved with HP.

    • anglnwu profile image

      anglnwu 

      9 years ago

      Good to see you're alive and well...as far as I can tell from your thumbnail pic. Maybe, you're missing parts, but it's all good sacrifice in the quest for better writing.

      Anyway, good humor and it sure reminds me of Jackie Chang and all the Cantonese Cops drama.

    • Benson Yeung profile imageAUTHOR

      Benson Yeung 

      9 years ago from Hong Kong

      Am I dead, yet?

      thanks for commenting. Good to see you.

    • Benson Yeung profile imageAUTHOR

      Benson Yeung 

      9 years ago from Hong Kong

      Hi VioletSun,

      thanks for dropping by. Good to see you again after all these weeks.

    • profile image

      Am I dead, yet? 

      9 years ago

      you scared the bejeezus outta me! Glad you made it out ok! -phew-

    • VioletSun profile image

      VioletSun 

      9 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

      LOL!!! Welcome back! Guess the culprits have some explaining to do. :)

    • Benson Yeung profile imageAUTHOR

      Benson Yeung 

      9 years ago from Hong Kong

      Hi KH,

      thanks for commenting. It's good to be back.

    • profile image

      K H Chan 

      9 years ago

      Dear Benson

      I don't know you had been kidnapped, I thought you were on long vacation. Anyway, welcome back.

    • Benson Yeung profile imageAUTHOR

      Benson Yeung 

      9 years ago from Hong Kong

      Hi John Z,

      thanks for the suggestion. I am using one right now.

    • Benson Yeung profile imageAUTHOR

      Benson Yeung 

      9 years ago from Hong Kong

      Hi Dagmar,

      good to see you.

    • Benson Yeung profile imageAUTHOR

      Benson Yeung 

      9 years ago from Hong Kong

      Hi Hawkesdream,

      thanks for commenting but I don't think you are taking me serious.

      Sigh.

    • John Z profile image

      John Z 

      9 years ago from Midwest

      Welcome back Benson. That was a hoot! Have you thought about a chastity belt? They're made of metal and without a key.......

    • profile image

      dagmar 

      9 years ago

      My gosh Benson, I almost wanted to call 911 after I read it!

    • Hawkesdream profile image

      Hawkesdream 

      9 years ago from Cornwall

      very funny Benson, keep a hold on your,'small but significant' and good luck with your learning curve.

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