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Funny Quotes About the Bible

Updated on October 4, 2008

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they're cramming for their final exam.

-George Carlin


Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.

-Mark Twain


The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.

-Gilbert K. Chesterton


The Bible's full of wine. God ain't got nothing against a little drink to celebrate His Son's birthday with.

- Archie Bunker (Carroll O'Connor)


It's going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth after they inherit it.

-Kin Hubbard


More people are troubled by what is plain in Scripture than by what is obscure.

-Roy L. Smith


If God had been a liberal, we wouldn't have had the Ten Commandments-we'd have the Ten Suggestions.

-Sir Malcolm Bradbury


My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for 40 years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.

-Elayne Boosler


Why do they put the Gideon bibles only in the bedrooms, where it's usually too late?

-Christopher Morley


The Bible and several other self help or enlightenment books cite the Seven Deadly Sins. They are: pride, greed, lust, envy, wrath, sloth, and gluttony. That pretty much covers everything that we do, that is sinful... or fun for that matter.

-Dave Mustaine


Submit a Comment

  • profile image

    stifny 7 years ago

    shame on u. how dare u right such a shit about HOLY BIBLE.

  • profile image

    lord lahj 7 years ago

    real fun, please keep uploading more

  • profile image

    Cyprian Kisopia 7 years ago

    Good Stuff!!! Absolutely true

  • Jean's Corner profile image

    Jean's Corner 9 years ago from Harrisburg North Carolina

    This is funny stuff!

  • t.keeley profile image

    Tim 9 years ago from Seattle, WA