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My Big Brother

Updated on March 3, 2012

relationships are fuzzy

 I Believe my brother is
out of his mind
he is buzzing through
the cell lines
laughing in an
almost manic
or perhaps
it only seems that way
because his laughter
is light and
instead of heavy
and dripping
with sarcasm

Could it be
that this other
abandoned child has called
to reach out
a security rope
a twisted
umbilical chord to
the one surviving member of
that is here
the only one around
who can also remember our father's
and our mother's laughter?

He is like a man in a
or perhaps he's just
as I remember his alcoholic years
long before
the empty scotch bottles
in the liquor cabinet
when he'd left me
to get rid of the farm
during dad's illness

He's a good guy
under all that Scottish-ness
He might have cried, as Scottish men do,
if he'd
been at my wedding
and he might have cried at dad's
celebration of life
if he'd been there
But a ski jumpin'
bush piloting
off-the-grid kind of
kind a guy
doesn't weep
not in front of
at least
after all, he's my big brother.

It boggles my mind,
I just can't
the mantic lightness of the
laughter and
and sudden curiosity at my
that comes at me through
cell phone

But now that the money's,
in his bank
will it last?

His mother, my mother
our mother
used to disappear
after exposing that soft-tender
beneath the layers

"you've been a better mother
to me,
than I've been to you"
she let slip one day,
the words floating between her lips
and my ear
through that hissing

And then the silence
for months
as my punishment

So I wonder -
will big brother
to protect me?
or, will he flee
 to the VW Bus
With no address
and leave me to
fondly remember
the only twenty minuets of
lightness and awe
I'd ever heard
pass my brothers lips
and slip into my ear?


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    • mbwalz profile imageAUTHOR

      MaryBeth Walz 

      8 years ago from Maine

      Thank you all!

    • habee profile image

      Holle Abee 

      8 years ago from Georgia

      Love the umbilical cord symbolism! Enjoyed the read!

    • Moulik Mistry profile image

      Moulik Mistry 

      8 years ago from Burdwan, West Bengal, India

      You write it so beautifully, loved it very much...

    • cheaptrick profile image


      8 years ago from the bridge of sighs

      Thank you M.

      Thank you.I know it hurts.


    • Sage Williams profile image

      Sage Williams 

      8 years ago

      Wow! so very, very deep. There is a lot here. Nice job.


    • mbwalz profile imageAUTHOR

      MaryBeth Walz 

      8 years ago from Maine

      Thanks Micky! :)

    • Micky Dee profile image

      Micky Dee 

      8 years ago

      Very beautifully written moments. Thank you Mbwalz.


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