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Blender War

Updated on October 25, 2014

Now…


It is important for you to know

There are lots of things

I can do:


Load a dishwasher or a washing machine

The way it should be done correctly


I can drive a stiff shift

Or straight drive as some may call it


I have driven a Bobcat

Where I scooped up dirt


I can iron shirts, pants and dresses

Crease them all in all the right places


I can tent bark, sticks and kindling

Throw in a match and have a fire burning


I am not afraid to wrestle my PC

Fight net demons chasing me


There are so many things I think I can do

But all that changes every time I meet you:


Every chance I have given you has just been a bust


Because:

You are not smooth like you should be

You get off on spewing my smoothie on me


Beware:

Blenders may seem harmless and useful

But it takes a special blender bard

To make it blend right

And not make it so hard


Apparently:

There is one thing I cannot do

Push a stupid button

On a blending machine

Without making a huge mess

All over my kitchen

And all over me

© 2014 ocfireflies

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    • ocfireflies profile image
      Author

      ocfireflies 3 years ago from North Carolina

      Jeannieinabottle,

      Greetings! Are you a big "I Dream of Jeannie" fan? Thank you for feeling my pain. Smiles. Promise! I am not appliance-biased. Smiles. Finally, thank you for the v+! :-)u made my day

      ocfireflies aka Kim

    • Jeannieinabottle profile image

      Jeannie InABottle 3 years ago from Baltimore, MD

      I am doing OK with my blender, but my toaster oven baffled me for weeks. I feel your pain. Voted up! :-)

    • ocfireflies profile image
      Author

      ocfireflies 3 years ago from North Carolina

      Audrey,

      Thank you. I am glad I am not the only person who can make a mess. Smiles.

      Kevin,

      Yes. I have tried holding the lid. : ) Thanks for the support.

      Thanks to both of you for having a sense of humor,

      Kim

    • The Examiner-1 profile image

      The Examiner-1 3 years ago

      That was hilarious Kim. Have you held the lid on before you turned it on and off? I voted it up, shared and tweeted it.

      Kevin

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 3 years ago from California

      Aww cute Kim! In general, every time I get near food, it seems to nestle in my clothing--so I loved this!!

    • handymanbill profile image

      Bill 3 years ago from western pennsylvania

      You have to get both feet on it to. Then it will stay still. Smiles

    • Jackie Lynnley profile image

      Jackie Lynnley 3 years ago from The Beautiful South

      Great funny poem Kim! Thanks for the smiles. Up and shared.

    • Redneck Lady Luck profile image

      Lorelei Cohen 3 years ago from Canada

      Blenders scare the heck out of me too.

    • jhamann profile image

      Jamie Lee Hamann 3 years ago from Reno NV

      Kim, we finally found one that worked....seriously though it took us many years to find one that wouldn't break with first use. Well done bringing to the forefront a probably a lot of us deal with....blenders. Thank you for the smile. Jamie

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Very funny Kim. I can relate to this. I burnt our blender out (my wife doesn't know..so ssshhh!) I can't even remember what I tried to blend, but whatever it was was beyond the blender's capability..smoke started pouring out). It was only rarely used anyway and I cleaned it up and it is sitting nicely on the shelf until someone tries to use it, then....haha, voted up.

    • bluebird profile image

      bluebird 3 years ago

      This was funny, I liked it, but I also feel your frustrations - it happens to me too. And not just with that. I become so discombobulated I cannot finish and have to let what I was doing drop until another day when I might brave it again.

      Thanks for sharing the blendless banana smoothie. I've been into that lately every morning getting one ready for my hubby to take to work. I am excited to give it a try! Good and funny hub! THE PICTURE WORKS!!!

    • suzettenaples profile image

      Suzette Walker 3 years ago from Taos, NM

      LOL! What a clever and funny poem. I wrapped a gift today and found out how scotch-tape challenged I am! We are so capable of doing and completing so many tasks, and the one we can't do and are befuddled with is the one that makes us think we can't do a thing. I don't even own a blender which is probably for the best. Again, your poetry is such a treat.

    • ocfireflies profile image
      Author

      ocfireflies 3 years ago from North Carolina

      Appreciate your smoothie comments.

      Smiles,

      Kim

    • Romeos Quill profile image

      Romeos Quill 3 years ago from Lincolnshire, England

      This is really funny; kind of took me by surprise. You need one with a powerful ice-crusher to make a decent smoothie but I guess you already found that out :)

      Thanks for the smiles from this perfectly blended piece.

      R.Q.

    • ocfireflies profile image
      Author

      ocfireflies 3 years ago from North Carolina

      Thanks for playing along. Smiles. Wishing you a great weekend, too.

      : )Kim

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Any woman who can drive a Bobcat is all right by me, Kim. LOL Bev won't let me near our blender. It just isn't worth the aggravation, so I feel your pain. :) Great fun my friend. Have a great weekend.

      bill