ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Books, Literature, and Writing»
  • Commercial & Creative Writing»
  • Creative Writing»
  • Humor Writing

Bozo, 83, Bottoms Out

Updated on November 13, 2010
Bozo, 83, Bottoms Out
Bozo, 83, Bottoms Out | Source

No, it is not only the brilliant crimson honker that is now deflated. Bozo — 83-year-old, drunk, vagrant, stalker, malcontent, miscreant — has really hit bottom this time. He is deflated, demoralized, destitute, and surely destined for 11 O-Clock Action News’ Blotter Bulletin tonight.

Wouldn’t be so bad or so sad if we hadn’t seen it all before:

Henderson, Nevada, 1993, a hot Saturday night at about 4:10 a.m.: Barnett ‘Bozo’ Bitmeister is discovered naked and singing Devo’s ‘Whip It’, on the porte cochére roof of the sleazoid Bangster Motel, while shaving the inn owner’s Rottweiler. Mrs. Britneé Bitmeister, lap-dancer and recently betrothed, promptly files for nullification due to non-consummation of the marriage, and, in her words, “I mean, like, duh!: Barnett stinks!”

Flash forward to 2002, Snake River Lodge, Jackson Hole, Wyoming, another Saturday night, this time around 9 p.m.: The Boze-man is at last wrestled to the warm and steamy stone-tiled floor of the resort’s spa by several security guards. Bozo is now clad only in copious quantities of imported Sea of Galilee mudpack, mashed cucumber, organic clover honey and whipped cream, screaming for all the ladies to “come and get it”.

Sorry, Boze! Third strike. Looks like you’ll be trading in those polka dots, stripes, ruffles and flowers for state pen orange.   


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.