Bucket List #5: Own a Really Nice House

Bucket List #5: Own a Really Nice House

When I think of owning my dream house one day, James Bond comes to mind. Where would Bond place the trap door that would quickly free him from the hands of his assassins? Where would he strategically place his secret passageways? Where would the hidden button lie for the bookcase stairwell to a second attic? These are questions I carefully consider as I pull out the blue paper. I can safely assume that the wife will agree with these architectural decisions. The house will be a quaint mixture between something Tim Taylor would make his signature guttural noise to, and something that the wife can still happily decorate. After all, if the wife is unhappy I will definitely be unhappy too! In an effort to avoid clichés, I will simply say: My house will be a reflection of what I believe that a home is. A place to find my querencia, as Hemingway called it when he spoke in the language of bulls and bullfighting.

As I entertain the idea of building my dream house (Well, my version of my wife’s dream house, which I am sure she will completely agree with after she sees it in action), I must consider that my house should simply be a reflection of what home looks like to me. A home is a place in which a man and his family can be themselves, feel secure, enjoy quality time, do lots of quality thinking, do lots of growing, and have a lot of fun. The house is the material means by which we as a family can reach our collective spiritual end. The house should be a reflection of what we feel to be home for our beings.

My house will be safe. There will be pest and rodent control. There will be fire extinguishers and carbon monoxide and smoke detectors. There will be rope ladders in upper levels of the house in case of fires. If a guest decides to stay the night, he or she will statistically stand a high chance of making it out alive.

The house will be a crossroads of city and country. Outside the front door, the wife should be able to walk out to Main Street, USA. Uhhh, wait, we’re not at Disney World. [We’re not rich enough to live right next to Disney World!] Put more simply, a city scape awaits when one walks out the front door. How about about when one walks outside through the back door? What will one find? The question is the answer: outback. The great outdoors with all of its wild colors, sounds and dangers awaits just feet away from the back door. If professional life, or life inside home proves mundane and lackluster, I can stop into the great wild and flirt with death any day of the week! Despite being devoted to natural things, a fire pit and hammock will be somewhere back there. And the front yard will at least have enough grass to warrant paying the boy to cut it for his allowance.

I could continue to think up so many amenities, so much so that my house could be filled with them. Yet these material accoutrements do not comprise a home. While there is room for humor, my utmost goal will be to create a home out of a house, a place of security, sustenance and love for my family. What matters most is that my family has the essentials of faith, love, safety and belonging. I just feel that I will be much more apt to provide these things if the house has some trap doors, book case stairwells, and secret passageways. The wife will understand.

Draft 2

One day I will own my dream house, the kind of house of which James Bond only dreams. It will have trap doors, secret passageways, hidden buttons and bookcase doors. It will be a quaint mixture between something that Tim Taylor would make his signature guttural noise to and something that the wife can still happily decorate. After all, if the wife is unhappy I will definitely be unhappy too! In an effort to avoid cliches, I will simply say: My house should be a reflection of what I believe that a home is. A place to find my querencia, as Hemingway would have called it.

There are certain things that my dream house (Well, my version of my wife’s dream house) will not be without. Among these things are: 1) Rope ladders in all upper level rooms; 2) a back yard with a fire pit and a hammock; 3) a front yard with enough grass to justify paying the kid allowance to cut; 4) walls, floors, ceilings, running water and electrical current; 5) a firearm (for the sake of the perpetuity of the U.S. Constitution); 6) Weathercocks, windchimes, birdhouses, garden; 7) a 4 Seasons room and/or walk-in patio/deck. And I am only scratching the surface.

The house should have the best of both worlds. Outside the front door, the wife should be able to walk out to Main Street, USA. No, wait, that’s at Disney World. We’re not that rich! A city scape awaits outside the house from the front. Walking outside the house into the back should be just that... outback.

I could continue to think up so many amenities, so much so that my house could be filled with them. Yet these material accoutrements do not comprise a home. While there is room for humor, my utmost goal will be to create a home out of a house, a place of security, sustenance and love for my family.

Draft 1

#5 Own a really nice house.

I desire to one day own a very nice house. It will also be a home. I hope to put a family in it; perhaps a single wife, 2 1/2 children. Spacious rooms with vaulted ceilings; trap door pantries and secret escape passageways. I will have rope ladders in all upper level rooms in case of fire. It will be a house but it will have a kind of James Bond/Jason Bourne-esque-ness to it. What else will the home have?

1. A back yard with firepit. Hopefully a hammock.
2. A front yard with enough grass to justify paying the kid allowance to cut it.
3. It will have walls, floors, ceilings, and hopefully running water and running current.
4. It will probably have a firearm hidden somewhere. ‘Merica.
5. [Does it really need to be a nice house? [Reconsider what I need.]
6. Weathercock. Windchimes. Birdhouses. Garden. Going way too far. Never will have time to write about all this.
7. Outside the front door: Main Street, USA. Outside the back door: OUTBACK.
8. It will have animals (in an attempt to feel somewhat Edenic).
9. There will be a Bible in the house at all times.
10. Burglars from afar will know our home and will not dare to set foot in it, for fear my wife will wrangle them with some long winded tale of yore.
11. I may not be satisfied until I build the damn thing myself. I am a carpenter after all.
12. I am a spendthrift so there will not be a pool. A hot tub? More than likely.
13. The thing should have a 4 seasons room. At the least a living porch area with a swinging rocker two seater love seat thingy. Yes!