Camouflage as a Social Statement, or CAMO UP Bro! a satirical tale about clothing styles
Camouflage clothing as a Social Statement
This story is one where I use a recent experience of mine while camping behind a Moose Club in Virginia, as a source for a funny story.
I was just sitting outside of my RV (a Monaco Motorhome to be exact), with a cold beer in my hand when a friend walked by to BS with me for a while.
I noticed a lot of people scurrying around the clubhouse, and at one of the pavilions that the Club has there, so I asked what was going on.
My friend gave me the lowdown about the fact that; one of the Moose members, who was getting ready to get married, again, and this was going to be his third wife.
He laughed and told me that the poor guy had told him that; after being a two-time loser, he really didn't want to spend a lot of money on this, his third wedding.
So he talked his bride to be to have the wedding at the Moose Club.
I laughed and he continued with even more gossip about the guy, and while he was talking I started to notice that a number of the people were wearing Camouflage clothing and I asked him about this.
He laughed, himself,and looking at me he said;
DON! This is a Moose Club you know! And in case you have forgotten we are in the South. Did you really expect a Black Tie Affair?
I just smiled and admitted that; No, in retrospect, a Camouflage Wedding is probably the most logical thing to expect.
So, with Beer in hand, I wrote what you see here.
I Hope you appreciate it for it's attempt at satirical humor.
Here I sit, in Central Virginia, in my Motorhome, in a campsite, behind a Moose Club, watching a wedding reception come to its end.
Many years ago, I was taught to always have a strong thesis statement whenever I wrote a story.
A thesis that “told the whole story in one sentence” was one of the things that wasbeaten into my head, in all of my English and Literature classes, so long ago.
Well, Watson! I think we have it.
In fact, the more I go over it in my head, the more I think I could get a book out of this rather than the short sarcastic story that I intend to write.
I believe another beer is in order.
Oh hell, I was so proud, but on further review I realize that my thesis doesn’t say anything about Camouflage. And CAMO is what has me rolling around, laughing in my Motorhome.
Let’s try again.
Here I sit, in Central Virginia, in my Motorhome, in a campsite, behind a Moose Club.
I'm drinking a cold Miller Lite as I watch a wedding reception come to its end, as a lot of the people are leaving, with many of them all decked out in Camouflage clothes.
Yeah, that’s better. Far too long for me normally and a little chopped up, but better I guess.
I think I’ll take another pause (one that refreshes), open another beer and get down to the point of the matter.
OK, I'm back!
So, I’m sitting here, and someone had told me earlier that one of the local Moose members was having a wedding reception in the lower level of the Moose Club.
He went on to tell me that the parking lot was really going to be full, so I might want to be somewhere else while this was going on.
Looking back now, I 'm not sure if he was being kind and warning me about the potential crowd or hinting that I should go somewhere else and stay out of everyone's way.
Anyway, I decided to stay around, relax a little and maybe, just maybe, inspiration would strike, and I could write something about something.
Oh, by the way, the lower level of the Moose Club is the Bingo Parlor (go figure,huh?), so they figured it was big enough for the reception, and as a member, the groom got a significant discount on the rent.
People were arriving and had been filing into the Bingo Parlor, oops, Reception Hall, over about an hour long period of time, and I started noticing a certain, um, uniqueness, about some of the peoples attire.
You see, there was an awful lot of green and tan.
I thought these were an interesting set of colors to wear to a wedding, so I put on my glasses for a better look. Then things began to clear up (Sorry, I had to do it) for me.
They weren'tt just wearing green and tan, they were wearing green and tan camouflage clothes.
I saw camouflage ties, and I saw camouflage button-down shirts. I even saw a guy with an actual camouflage suit and a woman in the same pattern of long dress.
Throw in a camouflage scarf around a few ladies necks, a few pair of designer camouflage socks peeking from below khaki slacks, and you end up with an overall effect that I really hadn't expected to see.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against camouflage.
And, just imagine, if it's grown in popularity to the point that it's considered appropriate for wedding receptions, just imagine where it will turn up next.
Will I soon see it in a James Bond movie, when he enters a fancy French Casino, all decked out in his tailored camouflage tuxedo?
Will I see it on CNN where Congressional party leaders are sitting opposite each other in their camouflage suits? And, if so, which party gets to wear the Desert Storm tan patterns and who gets the old, staid green jungle patterns?
The possibilities are almost endless.
Who knows? Possibly, there will even be Priest and Nun habits of Olive Drab?
Whoops! Sorry ..... My Beer's empty!
I had better not drink another until I finish this little story though. I wouldn’t want to insult anyone with this, or God forbid omit one of my famous commas.
So, back on point again, why is camouflage being worn so much in so many uncommon places?
Of course, it does have a place in warfare, and it does have other popular places that it is functionally acceptable, such as Hunting.
Now that I think about it, I have seen people, along with their kids, wearing it a places like; Disney World, McDonalds, WalMart, and other popular places of entertainment and shopping .
So, taking all of this into effect, it suddenly hits me!
What is wrong with me?
Why is wearing camouflage to a Wedding Reception getting me all stirred up?
UhOh! I am trying to end this so I can get to some serious beer drinking when there it goes.
A golf cart with two guys in standard black tuxedos in front, and riding on the back seat is a guy and gal, both with matching, spiffy looking, desert tan patterned, cloths.
All are laughing and happy!
I instinctively grab another Beer and think for a moment.
And then, I have an epiphany!
It’s me! I am the social pariah! Somehow, I have missed the whole change in clothing trends.
Looking down at myself, I am shocked. Change must happen now!
Off with the Polo golf shirt with the little “man on the horse” emblem.
Off with the old designer shorts with the little alligator emblem on the leg.
And, damn the handmade leather belt from Coach along with the slip-on designer’s leather boat shoes with the super gripping soles.
I must catch the trend.
I must look Cool!
I will craft a letter to Ralph Lauren, at this very moment, and demand that he provide the appropriate range of camouflage clothing for me. BTW ….. 36-waist and XL shirts, if you please!
I must fit in you see!
My Rights and Your Rights
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