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Celebrity Jokes

Updated on September 8, 2011

MR Michael Jackson

Celebrity Jokes

For celebrities being in the public eye is a big part of selling themselves, to get more work from movies, commercials, and all of the other lucrative sidelines that their celebrity status gives them. But when a celebrity makes the News Headlines for the wrong reasons it isn't too long before the jokes start doing the rounds about whatever misdeed that they were caught doing.

Michael Jackson:

Although it is hard to believe Michael J has undergone a lot of cosmetic surgery, and yet he still looks so natural. Because of this there are many jokes going around the circuit about the most famous of The Jackson 5.

How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?

From a catalogue!

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Pick up Line?

Male Reporter: So tell me Michael, did it hurt?

Michael Jackson: Did what hurt? Falling from heaven?

Male Reporter: No, the nose job!

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Nostalga

What does Michael Jackson reminisce about when he gets nostalgic?

Blowing his first nose!.

There are other instances where Mr Jackson has hit the headlines but to publish those jokes I would be breaking the terms and conditions of Hubpages

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MR George W Bush

President George W Bush

George W Bush is often said to lack intelligence and there are many jokes out there that take advantage of that fact.

A visit to London

While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people.

Bush asks how she knows if they're intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."

Bush watches as the Queen phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"

Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"

Bush nods: "Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"

Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. Bush summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"

Bush poses the question: "Uh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Helms, hums and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?"

Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.

"Now look here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."

Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!"

And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you Dumbo it's Tony Blair!"

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George Bush and Dick Cheney are talking, when Bush suddenly complains "I hate all the dumb George Bush jokes people tell about me."

Cheney, feeling sorry for his "boss," says "Oh, they're only jokes. There are a lot of truly stupid people out there. Here, I'll prove it to you."

Cheney takes Bush outside and hails a cab.

"Please take me to 29 Nickel Street to see if I'm home," says Cheney. The cab driver, without saying a word, drives them to 29 Nickel Street.

Cheney looks at Bush and says, "See! This guy is really stupid."

George Bush agrees. "He really is a dummy. There was a pay phone just around the corner. You could have called instead."

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How many George Bush's does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to change the light bulb, one to promise he'll do it better than anyone else, and one to obscure the issues.

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MRS Britney Whatever her name is now

Brittney Spiers Jokes

Brittney has come into the headlines recently for a lot of the wrong reasons too, and of course there are a few jokes related to her antics.

Q: What do you call Britney Spears with 2 Brain cells?

A: PREGNANT!

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Britney Spears decides to go out with her two new buddies, Shaggy and Craig David. They decide to go to the mall and thus enter the elevator to descend. Suddenly, one of them farts. Shaggy: 'It Wasn't Me' Craig: 'I'm Walking Away' Britney: 'Oops, I Did It Again!' Embarrassed by this predicament, Britney decides to make up for it by taking them out again. They catch a train and leave the station when, believe it or not, someone farts again. Shaggy: 'It Wasn't Me' Craig: 'I'm Walking Away' Britney: 'Stronger, Than Yesterday!'

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Q. What do you call Britney Spears when she is upset?

A. Britney Tears

Q: What Do Britney Spears and Barbie have in common?

A: They're both blonde, plastic and brainless!

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I do love a good joke about celebrities, please share your celebrity jokes using the comments box below.

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    • profile image

      Miranda 

      6 years ago

      Nice. I liked the Britney Spears jokes, a few people I know can relate to them....

    • jimmythejock profile imageAUTHOR

      James Paterson 

      9 years ago from Scotland

      Thanks for sharing that link lol,Trsmd I havent seen that site before but it is funny.....jimmy

    • Trsmd profile image

      Trsmd 

      9 years ago from India

      YOU CAN GET Bush Jokes here also.. I think you might have seen already..

      http://www.gwbushjokes.com/

    • jimmythejock profile imageAUTHOR

      James Paterson 

      10 years ago from Scotland

      thanks david, i like these lol.....jimmy

    • profile image

      davidmcdaniel 

      10 years ago

      why is michael jackson like cheese whiz? They both come on liitle white crackers! Oh and about hillary--- Hillary in realizing she needed to broaden her variety of voters viisited a indian reservation. She spoke with the cheif and laid out her campaign for them. Upon leaving the chief said "from now on you are known to this tribe as walking eagle." She was surprised and honored by the cheifs gesture and glad they picked such an dignified animal to name her after. After she leaves one of the indians asks "What the hell was that, i didn't think you'd like her!" The cheif simply replied " I didn't thats why i called her walking eagle cause thats the only type thats so full of shit it can't fly."

    • profile image

      davidmcdaniel 

      10 years ago

      why is michael jackson like cheese whiz? They both come on liitle white crackers! Oh and about hillary--- Hillary in realizing she needed to broaden her variety of voters viisited a indian reservation. She spoke with the cheif and laid out her campaign for them. Upon leaving the chief said "from now on you are known to this tribe as walking eagle." She was surprised and honored by the cheifs gesture and glad they picked such an dignified animal to name her after. After she leaves one of the indians asks "What the hell was that, i didn't think you'd like her!" The cheif simply replied " I didn't thats why i called her walking eagle cause thats the only type thats so full of shit it can't fly."

    • profile image

      sujan on hub 

      10 years ago

      good....

    • profile image

      limohan 

      10 years ago

      The bush and the queen LOL

    • singpec476 profile image

      singpec476 

      10 years ago from Not Too Far Away

      I love the Bush one it made me laugh out loud.

    • sdorrian profile image

      sdorrian 

      10 years ago from Chicago

      Very funny! Thanks for the laughs!

    • Blogger Mom profile image

      Blogger Mom 

      10 years ago from Northeast, US

      Very funny! =)

    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 

      10 years ago from San Francisco

      I like 'em all!

    • jimmythejock profile imageAUTHOR

      James Paterson 

      10 years ago from Scotland

      HA! Nice one stephhicks68 thanks for sharing.....jimmy

    • stephhicks68 profile image

      Stephanie Hicks 

      10 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      OK, Jimmy, I will take on your challenge. Here is my celebrity joke: Hillary Clinton is on a dark, country road when all of a sudden, her car hits a cow - killing it instantly. She instructs her driver to go up to the farm house and explain what just occurred. Hillary awaits in the car, making phone calls and checking up on her campaign strategies. Several hours pass and finally her driver returns. Dishevled, drunk, smeared with lipstick and smoking a cigar. Hillary looks at him astonished and cries: "What happened?!" He replied.... well, all I said is "I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I'm afraid I've killed the old cow..." The farmer's wife poured me their best wine, the farmer offered me his cigars, and his lovely twin daughters made passionate love to me. It all happened so fast, I hardly knew what to do...

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