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Clean Christian Jokes about Christians

Updated on July 8, 2014

By definition a Christian joke is not in the category of dirty jokes, but in the section 'clean jokes.'

So if you are a Christian looking for funny jokes that will make you snicker,guffaw,titter,smile or smirk, then here are some Christian jokes that just might be what the doctor ordered--or maybe just your family, who are tired of seeing 'sour-puss' at the breakfast table too much.

Why not tell them a clean Christian joke and become the life of the breakfast table? 

Let the smiles begin!

When Money Talks Money Listens

A well-worn  dollar bill and a twenty dollar bill
arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be
retired.

As they moved along the
conveyor belt to be burned, they began
a conversation. The twenty dollar
bill reminisced about its travels all
over the county.

"I've had a pretty good
life," the twenty proclaimed. "Why I've
been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City, the
finest restaurants in New York,
performances on Broadway, and even a
cruise to the Caribbean."

"Wow!" said
the one dollar bill. "You've really had
an exciting life!"

"So tell me," says
the twenty, "where have you been
throughout your lifetime?
"

The one
dollar bill replied, "Oh, I've been to
the Methodist Church, the Baptist
Church, the Lutheran Church ...."

At that point the

twenty dollar bill interrupts..."What's a
church
?"

Bridge Over Troubled Waters

I was walking along a bridge one day,
and I saw a man standing on the edge,
about to jump off.

I immediately ran
over to him and said

"Stop! Don't do it!"


"Why shouldn't I?" he said.

I said,
"Well, there's so much to live for!"


"Like what?"

"Well ... are you
religious or atheist?"

"Religious."


"Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?"

"Christian."

"Me too! Are you
Catholic or Protestant?"


"Protestant."

"Me too! Are you
Episcopalian or Baptist?"

"Baptist."
"Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church
of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"


"Baptist Church of God."

"Me too!
Are you Original Baptist Church of God,
or are you Reformed Baptist Church of
God?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of

God."

"Me too! Are you Reformed
Baptist Church of God, reformation of

1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God,reformation of 1915?"

"Reformed
Baptist Church of God, reformation of
1915!"

To which I said, "Die, heretic
scum!
" and pushed him off.

Little Johnny

Little Johnny watched, utterly fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face.

"Why are you rubbing cold cream on your face, Mommy?" he asked.
      
      "Why, to make myself beautiful,Johnny," said his mother.
      
      A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue.
      
      "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"

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    • profile image

      bobby 

      5 years ago

      excellent

    • profile image

      Bethlehem  

      7 years ago

      Galatians 6:7 "Be not deceived; GOD is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap."

    • DavePrice profile image

      DavePrice 

      7 years ago from Sugar Grove, Ill

      I needed that this morning - thanks for brightening my spirit.

    • Winsome profile image

      Winsome 

      8 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas

      Keep up the good work Chesterton. Jesus has a great sense of humor too. His visual image of a lily holding a shovel (or whatever labor He meant) cracks me up.

    • Chesterton Wilde profile imageAUTHOR

      Chesterton Wilde 

      8 years ago from Quebec

      Agua: Me too! I love humour and we Christians are often the best at it.:)

    • aguasilver profile image

      John Harper 

      8 years ago from Malaga, Spain

      "Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!"

      I know people who would stand on that!

      Thank God for humour! - and great hubs...

    • profile image

      Tina Irene 

      8 years ago

      Glad I dropped by. Very good laughs.

    • Chesterton Wilde profile imageAUTHOR

      Chesterton Wilde 

      9 years ago from Quebec

      wander: thanks! :)

    • wandererh profile image

      David Lim 

      9 years ago from Singapore

      The first one is priceless. :)

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