Cold Fear- Chapter 1

Friday, November 21,1975 seemed to be another busy day. I spent all day preparing for the Harvest banquet, at our church that evening. My heart was singing a happy tune, as I was in charge of the desert, for the banquet. I was preparing pumpkin pies, and decided to add my special Sweet potato casserole. The kitchen was filled with the aromas that accompanied harvest dinners. It would be an extra special evening. Yes indeed with delicious food, good fun, sweet fellowship and Spiritual enrichment. As I was going out the door to place the food in the car, the phone rang. I contemplated for a moment, should I answer it? If I left one minute sooner I would never have heard it anyway. Better judgment told me to take this call. I picked up the receiver and a peculiar voice said, “This is Western Union.” We attempted to deliver a telegram, but found nobody at home. I will read it for you now over the Telephone. Ok, I answered, go ahead. It is from the San Diego County Medical Examiner’s office. My mind raced. “We regret to inform you of the death of daughter Alicia. Please advise as to the disposition of the body.

Hot and then cold chills in waves, began sweeping over me. What, I asked? Could you repeat that one more time? In a second, the whole world around me began to crush in front of me. I collapsed to my knees in utter amazement. The banquet seemed forgotten. My daughter had died and in an intensely terrifying manner. Cold fear gripped my heart. My Alicia, twenty-one years of age, is gone, in a single moment. This could not be so. Yet in spite of the reeling emotions I was unquestionable aware of God’s presence. My whole being reached up-way up in that instant, only to discover he had already rushed down to meet my needs. I would not be cast adrift, but would be safe in his keeping, just as my sweet Alicia was. I sensed in my heart at that very moment, just how very much he loved Alicia. Oh how he wanted me to understand. With tears surging down my face I cried, “oh God you have answered my prayer for Alicia. I know you have, but I didn’t expect it in this shocking way. I called the family home to share the dreadful news. For the first time we understood as a family what it means to be completely shattered emotionally. Yet this shattering news drew our family close together. How fortunate we were to be a family that truly and deeply cared beyond imagination.

Alicia was a greatly wanted child. We had two wonderful sons David and Brent. But to make our family complete, Michael and I believed we should have a daughter. A few weeks after her birth, I wrote her a poem.

My sweet baby Alicia

The good Lord gave you to us dear in an answer to our plea, It seemed life would not be complete, without you don’t you see.

I’ve thanked the Lord so many times for answering our Prayer, I promised him that if you came, we’d gladly with him share.

You’ve made us so happy baby dear and now you’re in our keeping, we need so much wisdom near, and all the Savior’s leading.

For we would teach you right, my child of God and his dear son, who shed his blood on Calvary, that your life should be won.

So whether young or older my dear or far away you may be, to know that you belong to him, that is enough for me.

With much Love, mom.

I am reminded of a scripture that says: I am the light of the world. He that follows me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of Life. John 8:12

Oh my God, you have answered my prayers for Alicia. I hadn’t expected an answer so soon, and not in this way. I had referred to this prayer often at the news of Alicia’s death, and I want to share the background for it.