Come on Down to the Tiki Bar, a Satirical Snapshot of Patrons and People, in General.

This little story of mine is not an attempt to be truly poetic

Rather I was trying to pare the words down to just the bare essentials to get my thoughts across as to waht I see as common traits of Tiki Bar patrons.

After years of retirement in the Myrtle Beach resort area of South Carolina, I found that I had turned into a "Tiki Bar Hound".

If you are not familiar with the phrase, let me explain.

Over my working lifetime, when ever I took vacations, i ended up landing for the afternoon or sometimes the evening in a Tiki Bar of some kind.

You see, these little bars are invariably outside, on the edge of a beach, and usually about half of the people there are locals and the other half are tourists.

This combination usually makes for some very entertaining conversations, and as the day drags on, and the patrons get more soused, the entertainment becomes very interesting.

But, over the past year, I began to study the patrons of my favorite Tiki Bar, more for their personality traits than for their entertainment value.

And, sad to say, they began to fall into several stereotypes.

After one afternoon at my favorite, of these local Tiki Bars, I sat down and banged out this little ode to my boredom with the whole bar scene.

I am afraid that I was a little sarcastic and ruthlessly cruel, but none of these people were specific, but rather a collection of characterizations.

People will be people, and things are what things are in life.

I hope this explanation will help you appreciate the work rather than the actual people and that it will have entertained you to some degree.

You can almost hear the call,

"Come on down to the Tiki Bar,

we're waiting for you, so join us now."

It's our own Bar

sitting on the water's edge

and sip on your favorite beverage

as you listen to the waves

lapping against the pier.

The Breeze is always cooling!

and the shade feels so great,

and I can hardly wait!

The Beer's Cold,

the Jaegar’s Cheap,

and the Wine comes in three colors,

Red, White and Pink.

They have Kool-Aid Shots,

Lemon Drops,

and twenty-nine Liquors to sip.

So, Come on Down to our Tiki Bar,

It's the finest Bar on the Beach.

Full of tourists and Locals,

all looking for another drink.

Happy Hour starts at Four,

and I gotta get there before,

the best seats are taken.

I'll be wearing a faded T,

baggy Trunks and my best worn Flops,

looking like the aging native that I am.

Lee Ann? yeh she’ll be waiting,

to serve my favorite Drink,

Then I can sit back,

and watch that

big Orange Sun sink.

I paid my dues, all Winter long,

working out and eating right,

I knew I had to get, my Tommy Bahamas to fit.

I had to look right in my skin,

so I could; Shag, Stroll

and even Twist again.

And, later, with a sweetie on my arm,

I can stroll down the beach,

flashing my tan

and my shiny white teeth.

And, I'll think myself, pretty Cool,

for a little while at least.

after all those intoxicating drinks,

So, come on down to the Tiki Bar,

All our friends will surely be there

smiling our names,

shaking our hands

and asking; “What’s Up! Bro!”,

They'll grab a seat,

sit back with a smile,.

as Lee Ann quickly,

pours their drinks

Then she’ll smile and make a joke.

and she'll keep those drinks coming,

all night

as she counts tips in her head,

She knows where her bread is buttered,

and that the regulars,

are the ones who pay the Bills.

and the tourists are there for Profits.

As the Sun sags towards

the horizon,

I watch as the regulars crawl in.

With smiles on their face,

and cash in their hand,

theymake their presence known.

Old George?

He'll show up,

with his straw hat and Ivory cane.

He'll drink

and tell those same old jokes,

but we’ll laugh at them just the same,

He’s a regular, you see,

so we gotta play the game.

He’ll show up right at Happy Hour,

and leave when it ends.

‘Cause, just like the rest of us,

he needs to watch what he spends.

The Graham sisters will follow him,

and sit at the Bar, not a table.

They’ll throw down the cheap drinks,

until they’re no longer able.

Then, Lee Ann will whisper in their ear,

and they'll just giggle, nod and smile.

Soon, a cab will show up soon after.

and whisk them home ..... it’s only a mile.

But, they always make it through

those four hours of fun and camaraderie,

and safely leave with their smiles.

There will be Jim, the lonely widower,

and Willie, the Silver-tongued Condo seller,

The Carsons will show up, smelling of stale cigarettes,

talking about their Boat, and their new Wine Cellar.

And, before leaving, the old Hippie, Frank,

will leer and offer us all a toke.

Then the Martins will parade in,

dressed like magazine ads,

say Hi to everyone and sit,

with the Carsons, their “best friends”.

so their bragging battles can begin.

The rest of us?

We'll just laugh at them, and order another round.

Yep, the Tiki Bar is now Open,

And swinging every day.

The Beer is Cold,

And the Jaegar is Cheap,

The Wine comes in three colors,

Red, White and Pink.

They Got Kool-Aid Shots,

And Lemon Drops,

And every Liquor you like.

So, Come on Down, and we’ll all have

A Great Time!