ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Come on Down to the Tiki Bar, a Satirical Snapshot of Patrons and People, in General.

Updated on February 28, 2020
Don Bobbitt profile image

Don is a Writer and a Storyteller. He has published over 9 books on varied subjects along with many articles and commentary on his blogs.

A Tiki Bar on the Manatee River in Florida

Tiki Bar on the Manatee River
Tiki Bar on the Manatee River | Source

An Introduction to my Sarcasm

This little story of mine is not an attempt to be truly poetic

Rather I was trying to pare the words down to just the bare essentials to get my thoughts across as to waht I see as common traits of Tiki Bar patrons.

After years of retirement in the Myrtle Beach resort area of South Carolina, I found that I had turned into a "Tiki Bar Hound".

If you are not familiar with the phrase, let me explain.

Over my working lifetime, when ever I took vacations, i ended up landing for the afternoon or sometimes the evening in a Tiki Bar of some kind.

You see, these little bars are invariably outside, on the edge of a beach, and usually about half of the people there are locals and the other half are tourists.

This combination usually makes for some very entertaining conversations, and as the day drags on, and the patrons get more soused, the entertainment becomes very interesting.

But, over the past year, I began to study the patrons of my favorite Tiki Bar, more for their personality traits than for their entertainment value.

And, sad to say, they began to fall into several stereotypes.

After one afternoon at my favorite, of these local Tiki Bars, I sat down and banged out this little ode to my boredom with the whole bar scene.

I am afraid that I was a little sarcastic and ruthlessly cruel, but none of these people were specific, but rather a collection of characterizations.

People will be people, and things are what things are in life.

I hope this explanation will help you appreciate the work rather than the actual people and that it will have entertained you to some degree.

My Favorite Tiki Bar

You can almost hear the call,

"Come on down to the Tiki Bar,

we're waiting for you, so join us now."

It's our own Bar

sitting on the water's edge

and sip on your favorite beverage

as you listen to the waves

lapping against the pier.

The Breeze is always cooling!

and the shade feels so great,

and I can hardly wait!

The Beer's Cold,

the Jaegar’s Cheap,

and the Wine comes in three colors,

Red, White and Pink.

They have Kool-Aid Shots,

Lemon Drops,

and twenty-nine Liquors to sip.

So, Come on Down to our Tiki Bar,

It's the finest Bar on the Beach.

Full of tourists and Locals,

all looking for another drink.

Happy Hour starts at Four,

and I gotta get there before,

the best seats are taken.

I'll be wearing a faded T,

baggy Trunks and my best worn Flops,

looking like the aging native that I am.

Lee Ann? yeh she’ll be waiting,

to serve my favorite Drink,

Then I can sit back,

and watch that

big Orange Sun sink.


Just Me and Mine

I paid my dues, all Winter long,

working out and eating right,

I knew I had to get, my Tommy Bahamas to fit.

I had to look right in my skin,

so I could; Shag, Stroll

and even Twist again.

And, later, with a sweetie on my arm,

I can stroll down the beach,

flashing my tan

and my shiny white teeth.

And, I'll think myself, pretty Cool,

for a little while at least.

after all those intoxicating drinks,

My friends will be there

So, come on down to the Tiki Bar,

All our friends will surely be there

smiling our names,

shaking our hands

and asking; “What’s Up! Bro!”,

They'll grab a seat,

sit back with a smile,.

as Lee Ann quickly,

pours their drinks

Then she’ll smile and make a joke.

and she'll keep those drinks coming,

all night

as she counts tips in her head,

She knows where her bread is buttered,

and that the regulars,

are the ones who pay the Bills.

and the tourists are there for Profits.

Characters in a Bar

As the Sun sags towards

the horizon,

I watch as the regulars crawl in.

With smiles on their face,

and cash in their hand,

theymake their presence known.

Old George?

He'll show up,

with his straw hat and Ivory cane.

He'll drink

and tell those same old jokes,

but we’ll laugh at them just the same,

He’s a regular, you see,

so we gotta play the game.

He’ll show up right at Happy Hour,

and leave when it ends.

‘Cause, just like the rest of us,

he needs to watch what he spends.

The Graham sisters will follow him,

and sit at the Bar, not a table.

They’ll throw down the cheap drinks,

until they’re no longer able.

Then, Lee Ann will whisper in their ear,

and they'll just giggle, nod and smile.

Soon, a cab will show up soon after.

and whisk them home ..... it’s only a mile.

But, they always make it through

those four hours of fun and camaraderie,

and safely leave with their smiles.

There will be Jim, the lonely widower,

and Willie, the Silver-tongued Condo seller,

The Carsons will show up, smelling of stale cigarettes,

talking about their Boat, and their new Wine Cellar.

And, before leaving, the old Hippie, Frank,

will leer and offer us all a toke.

Then the Martins will parade in,

dressed like magazine ads,

say Hi to everyone and sit,

with the Carsons, their “best friends”.

so their bragging battles can begin.

The rest of us?

We'll just laugh at them, and order another round.

Yep, the Tiki Bar is now Open,

And swinging every day.

The Beer is Cold,

And the Jaegar is Cheap,

The Wine comes in three colors,

Red, White and Pink.

They Got Kool-Aid Shots,

And Lemon Drops,

And every Liquor you like.

So, Come on Down, and we’ll all have

A Great Time!

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • James A Watkins profile image

      James A Watkins 

      10 years ago from Chicago

      This is a fine poem. I enjoyed reading your words and getting to know your friends at the Tiki Bar. Great stuff!

    • profile image


      10 years ago

      Not the real names, but keep in mind that the situations were real (I guess) and with that someone may could recognize themselves and wonder WHY? Yes, people are the same everywhere - in every little Tiki bar, every 29 Grill -and most have some troubling history and little hope to go on, for the most part. Still . . . with a good and caring heart, you have to love them and often say to yourself that old adage, "there but for the Grace of God . . ." When you can do that, the poetry will be there. Not sure what you mean by "emphasis and pauses/effect/truth". Truth is not an abstract in my opinion, but a concrete thing way too important to be carelessly tossed around risking misleading others or hurting someone. I know you see this poem and this bar as a place of fun and good times, and I don't mean to be maudlin about this, I really don't, but reading it reminded me of the Ballad of the Sad Cafe (Carson McCullers) or Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant (Anne Tyler) - two wonderful depictions of loneliness and desperation.

      Now, as for the HUB community - Don, these people are not good writers, they just THINK they can write. Most of it is simply awful and some family member or stupid friend has sang their praises and they automatically think they are headed for a Putlizer. I would not waste my time any further with this. No one who can really write would put their material out like this - they wouldn't need to. My advice is always the same: get in a workshop. There has to be one or more in Myrtle Beach. Check it out at the libraries, community colleges, etc. Good writers are what you are looking for, people that can really help you and are happy to help you. I went to the HUB thing a couple of times and read some of what's out there. I was never impressed.

      Facebook - I thought this was for teenagers until recently when it seems everyone I went to highschool with is on the damn thing. They also are in church on Sundays, say grace before eating a peppermint, and vote Republican! Need I say more? They want me to be one of their Facebook "friends". I say: I have a friend and his name is Bucky, and two more named Elmo and Lena, and they are not so stupid as to be putting all their personal shit out there for the entire world to read - as if anyone really gives a shit about your vacation pictures, your grandkids, or your grandmother's recipe for Pecan Pie!!!!!!!!!!!

      EGO is the ruination of us all - hard to overcome it - but a good start would be to get off HUB and FACEBOOK. Say goodbye to that silly shit and get face-to-face with good, sensible, reliable people who can REALLY be of some help to you. You have the ability. You have the heart. Do it.


    • Don Bobbitt profile imageAUTHOR

      Don Bobbitt 

      10 years ago from Ruskin Florida

      Yeah, It does Hurt! But, sad to say, it is more real that you think! The names are not of the actual people, but each and every one the characters exists down here at at one or another of the "Tiki" and other Bars I have been at here, as a semi-regular. (I bore easy, so I change bars a lot.) We at these bars, in this resort/retirement community are a grouping of interesting/uninteresting characters, all trying to have a good time the best way we know how! Reality, truly is a Bitch! Is this poetry? I had to list it as something! All I was trying to do, in my burst of truth was to write in a staccato of "emphasis and pauses" for effect. Still learning girl, and thanks for the reality check. I need the honesty and feedback. I am learning that the rest of this "HUB" population, whom I really wanted creative criticism from, are actually numb to real creative effort, and just want you to be their follower/fan, for some damned reason, like Facebook, whom I think even less of. If I write I learn, if I think I just confuse myself!"

    • profile image


      10 years ago

      Hey cuz . . .gotta' hope those "friends"? at the Tiki bar don't read your Hubs or even know about them. Seems you did a pretty good SLAM on each of them - not so bad on Frank and Jim, but Old George, the Graham sisters, Willie, the Carsons, the Martins - WOW! I know all about colorful local characters, but these are REAL PEOPLE at a REAL Tiki Bar, and you went and NAMED them all. When are you and Helen having them over for dinner? Uuummmmm.

      OR . . . have I missed your point entirely?

      OR . . . is this some new form of poetry, maybe something like SLAM BAM, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN poetry?

      Sorry, if I'm wrong, but doesn't seem like a good way to "win friends and influence people" to me. Also, you have not painted a picture of a place to have a "great time" but a rather sad sounding place to me full of heartbreak, loneliness, insecurity, bitterness. Do any re-writes on this one? Always read everything you write aloud to someone else and also yourself before putting out to the public. Then on this particular one ask yourself would you REALLY want the Graham sisters to know that you thought of them as local lushes with their cheap drinks and cab rides home, or Willie as a condo-selling huckster, or Old George as stingy and tight-fisted (although you did say "like the rest of us"), and the Carsons and Martins as foolish braggarts? Like I have said a zillion times before - you gotta' read poetry before you can write poetry - you gotta' be a reader of GOOD literature and poetry before you will be able to write it - some exceptions, but rare, very rare. I have been studying this craft for lots of years and still cannot do it worth a damn, BUT . . . I do recognize good writing when I see it, and I have seen you do some good stuff. This is not IT!!! This is hurtful and I know you would not intentionally hurt ANYONE. My advice? - and again, unless you know something I don't know about these people and this Tiki bar - I would take it down immediately.



    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)