ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Common Couples With The Common Cold

Updated on October 21, 2011

Universal Story of Illness & Relationships

The wife with a cold:

You wake up in the morning and there is drool on your pillow. Your drool. This is not the norm for you, praise God, so why you ask has it happened this morning? As you attempt to breathe deeply an ugly snarf is produced instead. You cannot breathe out of your nose. This is why your unconscious survival instincts instructed you to open your mouth wide while you slept, so as not to suffocate in your own mucus while you enjoy dreamland. Thankful that your husband is still mostly asleep and therefore witnesses neither your drool nor your snarf, you blow your nose, wipe your mouth, shake your husband awake, and rise to meet the day.
A woman with a cold knows that due to the fact that it is called the common cold there is no excuse for skipping out on one's common duties. Therefore, you suffer along with your Jillian Michaels DVD, snotting and sneezing along the way, then take a shower which you wish would never end, drink more coffee than your husband, pop a few Advil and maybe a Cold-EEZE, and make your way to work.
Suffering in mostly silence on the car ride to the subway, your husband asks if you are alright. Yes, you say, just the common cold. In his manly need to fix things, he instructs you to not show how crappy you feel at work, lest people avoid you as disease-ridden or silently categorize you as an employee who gets sick frequently. You assure him that as a woman you will try to suck it up as much as possible.
Later that night, as you sit bundled in 8 blankets on the couch, you let a complaint escape your lips. It's so cold in here, you mutter, and your body hurts. Your husband turns on the gas fireplace, and says that your body is sore because you worked out this morning. You feebly respond that exercising doesn't make even your skin ache and eyes burn. Although he is a man, he is also a loving husband, and so he rubs your back, tells you he hopes you feel better soon, and agrees to going to bed at 9:30.

The husband with a cold:

He awakens with red eyes and a deep (and deeply annoying) cough. After chugging Robitussin, he says he will be fine and goes to work. You coddle and coo at him to take it easy, pack him a cup-a-soup in his lunch, and tell him to call you if he feels worse and plans on leaving work early. Some may scoff that you have a Florence Nightingale complex, but this is just how women are. We have a natural urge to take care of people.
You have barely been at work for 2 hours when you get a call from the hubby. He says his head really hurts and his office feels ridiculously cold. You tell him he may have a fever and should go home to rest. To men, and mothers, having a fever is validation of real sickness. Growing up I could be weeping, snotty and hoarse, but I was sent to school if I maintained a 98.6 internal temperature.
Later, when you come home from work, you find your husband pacing and carrying a tissue box around. Then he looks at you with pathetic eyes and informs you that he has a fever of 100.1. Proof. You proceed to baby him the rest of the night, and even perhaps the next day. You may be a touch resentful, but you cannot help but give him the indulgence and attention you wish you would receive when you were sick. Maybe next time.

This is the difference between men and women in times of the common cold bug.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • thegentledays profile image


      7 years ago from CA

      This was just flat-out fantastic. :)


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)