Confessions from the emotional

This crazy emotional roller coaster that I have been calling life has come to a crossroads. Where I have decided to do something so ridiculous and out of my element. I have decided to become some what of a sugar baby. No I am not sleeping with or meeting anyone in person. And NO I am not talking dirty or cybering with anyone. Instead I am going to have conversations with men and get paid. This is probably an illegal thing to do but I have gotten to a point where I am sick of not getting things in life. I have worked so hard and sometimes I feel like it was all for nothing.

I will become Barbie Alma..My Cuban counter part who is much more outrageous then I am. She is a bad girl who loves excitement and adventure. It seems crazy but I would like you to try and see life from my point of view.

Growing up with hardly anything after my parents got divorced and being surrounded by kids who have everything is a hard life to deal with. Nobody in my real life except for my close friends, Ollie and Sam, will find out about my new secret identity.

Yes this seems like a crazy risk, and it will be insane. But with how much I have always looked out for others it is time to take a risk for myself. It is wrong to use my looks to my advantage but I feel like the universe owes me..or maybe not?

Either way I am going to see how this goes. This is a learning experience that I have to go through on my own..

I don't know what exactly is going through my head..why would I make this kind of decision for myself. I look over at my little sisters and think "what would they say if they knew...?" Another crazy part is that I am also doing this for them. My youngest sister is a 16 year old girl who needs braces. Her confidence is so low because she is so self conscious about her teeth. What if I could find a way to get her the money she needs?

There is also my business plan to help girls with their self esteem. I want girls to feel empowered and for them to know that there is someone who has gone through what they have gone through. I want to make a website to help them..But I don't have a money.

Is it right to want for others but in a way that contradicts what I stand for?