There's something wrong. Something has been disturbing Dennis since he graduated a couple of months ago. He hasn't said a word for almost three weeks, not even to his mother . He's been different and it's scaring everyone he knows.
Jane ,his girlfriend, got too worked up and left a week ago saying that that's not her Dennis. Dennis didn't say a word, he sat on the edge of his bed, watched her pack her clothes and several pairs of shoes . And she walked out . Very mad.
" I'll be waiting for your call when you get back to normal. Have tried my best but you won't even say a single word for two weeks now. I really want to stay but it seems you need some time to get fix up yourself and be the Dennis I love. .
I'll be waiting for that call. " Jane says..
. After a few steps she looks back to see if he's gonna try to stop her from leaving but he stays transfixed to the bed , his eyes closed and his two pointing fingers on his lips with the others intertwined.
Jane walks away, eyes flooded with tears, her head ringing as if she's just felt a bullet flash a few centimeters from her eyes. Her heart sobbing literally. After her bags have been handled she runs back to Dennis whose watching from the front door. She kisses him but he doesn't kiss her back. Hugs him but he doesn't even hold her back..
" Don't take too long " she wisphers to him as she heads back to the cab. Her eyes now out of control she starts sobbing, then a few deep breaths and she's weeping like a little kid.
The driver hands her some tissue from his pocket and drives away.
Dennis goes back to the bed, where he'd watched her pack and then lies flat with his face up facing to the ceiling. Then there's tears flowing without making a sound.
Wakes up after a while and grabs a framed photo from the side table on the bed.
He stares at it for a while before he starts running his hands over Jane's face and then eventually hugging it ,this time with a few sobs in the crying. .
He does this for a long while before he pushes the the side table next to the mirror and places the photo facing the mirror. He sits in the bed, unbuttons his shirt and then sits. His head lost somewhere where he doesn't even know.
.. Lost and thoughtless he stares at the mirror as if he's looking at the future then he lowers his gaze and Jane's smile makes him close his eyes.
His mom walks in the room unnoticed and places a tray of food on the other side table. And then creeps at him and holds his hand.
He opens his eyes and rubs his hand against his mother's.
" please try and eat today , you really breaking my heart when you can't even ask me about how my day was, like you used to. " she says as she starts walking away.
He grabs her hand and kisses it softly and then let's her go.
He starts eating almost immediately and there's a smile in the mom's face who hasn't been at peace with herself in a long while .
.. After his meal he takes a pair of scissors and walks to the mirror. Takes a grab of the photo and holds it tightly next to his heart then he places it back and turns his focus to the scissors on the other hand...
And he points it to his heart and starts pushing it slowly, a few drops of sweat building up in his face before he's stopped but a huge thunder storm and he switches and places the scissors to his neck... A little bit afraid he stares at the photo once again and when he's almost decided on killing himself the first drops if rain hitting hard on the roof make him drop the scissors to the ground making him make a little cut on the side of the neck.
He doesn't sleep. He lies on his bed listening to the rain and starts sobbing... Crying like a kid...
Dennis doesn't really know what's wrong with him. All he remembers is being in hospital for quite some while. He's been meaning to ask but he can't because his voice won't even let him speak. He remembers the the graduation and nothing else after that except for the hospital.
He hasn't seen his dad ever since but he's not bothered. The dad is a government minister . So he figured out that he's probably to busy. Or he's probably always gone early in the morning and comes home late at night when he's asleep.
.. He doesn't know who Jane is. But for some strange reason he remembers his mother. He is lost and so is his voice.
He's tried to write letters but he's afraid that people will think he's mad or crazy or even faking it.
He stares at the photo in the side table where he's facing Jane as if they are about to kiss the next moment. And grabs it trying to figure out something about this photo. He finally falls asleep with the photo on his chest..
When he wakes up the next morning he's shaken when he notices a huge wet patch of blood on his pillow. He notices how empty and cold the bed is. Rolls over to find the photo on the side bloodstained.
He starts panicking , looks to the mirror to notices the cut on his neck with dried up blood covering it. Then notices the scissors on the floor, with a line of blood covering half it's cutting edge...
... He then quickly takes the pillow and removes it's case and hides it in s basket that's near his wardrobe. Takes a shower and patches up the cut.
.. He goes out for a walk, walks past everyone in the dining room but nobody stops him.
He's worn a white pull-neck that's covering the cut and a black coat and black jeans....
.. His head's ringing. His hands are shaking as he walks in the middle of the road. His heart's beating so hard that his chest literally hurts...
" Hey. You are that guy from yesterday. I picked up someone from your house and drive her to town. Are you okay? " asks the cab driver from the previous day as he pulls over onto the side of the road.
Dennis doesn't recognize him so he walks on for a few more meters before he gets hit by an overspending lorry that doesn't stop..
.. Wakes up after a few minutes in the back seat of the cab with the driver freaking out.. Regularly checking up on him ..
Denis passes out again....
.. And doesn't wake up. .
The cab driver makes it to hospital in time and the doctors start attending to him. He then has to go and inform his family about the accident and he does..
The next time he regains consciousness he is in a hospital bed and then there's a huge moment when he starts to remember the last time and then there's this strong sense of Deja Vu....
" Doctor! Doctor! He's waking up.. Someone please call the doctor! " a feminine voices shouts. ..
Two nurses walk into the room and help him sit up. Infront of him is his mother and a few people he still can't remember but they all seem happy that he's okay. ..
His mother grabs his right hand and Denis closes his eyes as if something was coming back to him..
The faces of his father and Jane flashed before his head. And then there were gone...
His head and his left feet were heavily bandaged. He didn't hear a word the people said that day.
When they left, a nurse came over to feed him and he almost recognized her.
" Poor thing.. This is the third time am having to take care of you in less than a year. I seriously hope that whatever is disturbing you fades really quick. You are too young. " she says.
The next several days Jane comes over to see him and she can't help it. She cries whenever he holds her hand and looks at her eyes but can't talk or say something or even complement her or ask how she's been.
He wipes her tears using his hand as he smiles at her. But doesn't say anything. She holds onto his hand against her left cheek and closes her eyes.
" I really don't know if things will ever be normal again. I am broken as you are but I try you know. I just need my man back. I can't lose you after have already lost my child. You are all I have right now. And am sorry I left .. Am sorry I left. Am sorry I left when you needed me most.
I regret it everyday you know. But watching you grieve your dad every day was heart breaking.
I couldn't help myself watching you cry.. I had to go and be alone for a while. .. Am sorry baby, but I need you to get well for me. I need you.
" she said.
Denis pulled her onto the bed and rested her head on his chest, occasional running his fingers on her hair . And they slept the night together on that hospital bed, together.
Denis's memory finally caught up with him and he remembered Jane and their little girl. He remembered the graduation and his dad. And the accident that occurred after.
He remembered the nurse that looked after his daughter. The nurse that helped him recover.
.. He remembered his father's funeral and his daughter's too and how he almost tried to kill himself that day.. And he remembered the same nurse that rescued him a second time. Then he remembered the time he let himself fall down the stairs but he didn't die. He regained consciousness before anyone knew what he had done but after that, he didn't even know who he was. .
His voice was camping back to him shortly after he had recovered and was allowed to go back home.
Jane was back at home. Ready to welcome him.
His two baby sisters and older brother were there too looking sad but with big smiles drawn on their faces . Ready to welcome their brother..
. He smiled for the first time.
Sipped wine for the very first time in his life.
And asked to visit his dad'sand daughter's graves.
The ringing in his head hadn't completely faded. Once in a while he'd get heavy migraines and a series of nosebleeds but he didn't tell anybody.
.. David's and Shanice's graves were just but two feet apart. Both died on the first accident after the graduation. Near their graves sat an old woman, on a cemented kinda bench., talking to her dead husband.
" I wake up everyday missing you. Have known how to live without crying everyday but I still miss you. " she talks....
... She talks for a long while but Denis can't hear what she's saying. He's kneeling at Shanice's grave, he's left leg hurting a little bit but he ignores it. In his head he remembers when she was born. How he had to miss out on an exam in order to be around when she was born.
He remembers how his dad reacted when he asked him to name her. ... And then he starts crying.
.. Not loudly. But his soul screaming at the top of its lungs.
The old woman hands him a handkerchief, a new one.
" use this. She says as she walks away "...
The next couple of weeks Denis got better. Started walking with a knee brace.
Still visited the graveyard oftenly. He even grew found of the old lady.
Once in a while you'd hear them laugh out like madmen in the graveyard.
And it washed away... The grief washed out.
He was Denis again. The old Denis. .
.. A year after Jane was expectant again. The home full of merry and joy.
Denis even got a job at the ministry where his father had worked.
A photo of David and Shanice was on his office table. Jane's photo was his computer screen saver
Jane and the baby didn't make it. Denis couldn't bare it. He kept living. Burried his wife and his second kid next to his father and his first born...
.. He didn't try the stairs. He was different in a way. Full of energy like never before. At least for the first week.
" My whole family is literally dead. My role model is dead. My wife. My two kids. I don't see no reason in living," he says to the old woman.
.." I normally wish I don't see the next day. James and I shared the best 42 years together. I just come here daily talk to him and find some comfort when he replies " she says.
" does he really reply? " he asks.
" what do you wanna ask him? " she enquires.
" ask him what he feels looking at me... " he says... After about half a minute.
" .. He sees a broken young man. Trying so hard to live. Strong but broken. A young man with a bright future ahead of him. Oh. And he thinks you becoming too friendly to his wife... He's watching you.... ." she says.
They both laugh for a while before they go their different ways.
Denis doesn't eat that day.
He goes to his office and types a document prints it. And envelopes it.
. Everyone thinks it's work related so they don't even bother him.
After everyone went to bed. He tried the stairs.
He didn't even pass out this time. He tried it again. And again he was okay but dislocated a shoulder.
. He went to his room and read the document he'd types earlier and then added some few scribbles with his pen. That's when he met the scissors again.
.. This time his mind was made up. He sliced his windpipe so deep and lied on his bed trying not to make a sound so that nobody would notice or hear him struggle. Denis wad dead ..
The whole house was awakened by the screams of the house keeper early the next morning. The whole neighborhood infact.
.. Denis's body lay on a pool of blood with one hand still holding tight to the framed picture..
And the envelope on the side table.
.. Nobody was interested in reading it. Nobody seemed to see it. .
... Several days later Denis was laid to rest next to his wife and kids..
.. . A few days later the old woman noticed the new tombstone and immediately she broke into tears.
" he wasn't jealous of us. I was only joking. He really doesn't speak back. I just get comfort in knowing that he is a better place. Everytime I sit here all I think about is my life 42 years earlier and I enjoyed the memories.
Am sorry I had to loose you too. ". She says.
That was the last time she came back to that place.
" I can't live pretending that I am not hurting. Am tired of faking my smiles. And I know things changed long time ago. I don't have nobody to confide in except Naomi, an old lady I meet in the cemetery. She's charming and nice and she understands me. And I found out that she's got cancer the other day. She's been so nice to me but am not assured that I'll be seeing her soon. .
. I tried killing myself myself and it didn't work. I know you all think that am crazy if you reading this.
I don't know who I am. I have no reason to be alive. I don't know why am still alive.
Momma, am sorry but the pain I am in cant be healed. Am always thinking of new ways to kill myself. Have heard you cry over dad. And it's my fault he's dead.
I can't even imagine how much you miss him..
I have very poor communication skills. I don't wanna keep writing because I don't wanna change my mind right now.
Am sorry but I need to be free. I know you'll hate me for this and not talking to you. .
.. Am sorry but I really don't wanna try life again...
.. I love you and am sorry. "..
THE NOTE READ..
" TELL EVERYONE AM SORRY. IF I DON'T DIE TODAY PLEASE FORGIVE ME. " the extra line said.
. Inkmade ™
© 2019 Amani Utembu