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DRIVIN' MR. WAYNE
By: Wayne Brown
This may sound strange at first to you but yesterday I was contacted by the CDC (The Center for Disease Control) in Atlanta, Georgia. The official who contacted me asked that I consider participating in a study in conjunction with the CDC. Apparently the CDC was doing multiple studies in the areas of addiction, compulsion, and motivation and they required my assistance. At first I was skeptical but once the importance of the study was explained to me I was more than happy to assist in their effort.
Now, at this point, you as a reader might be thinking, “what can this lowly hub writer do for the folks down at the CDC that is so important?” Well, let me explain. You see, according to the CDC official, they have discovered that the HubPages may be a very good place to test all areas of this study on addiction, compulsion, and motivation at once. Now, admittedly, they are not allowing me to play a real large part in this study but I do have an important role. In fact, you might say that my success in completing my role is the key to the overall success of the study.
Now, let me explain what needs to be done. The CDC is studying what the impact of addiction, compulsion, and motivation is on the reader of HubPages material. They have asked that I submit this particular article with a simple request that you do everything in your power to rank it, rate it, score it, whatever you can do to it that will run the overall score for the writer to as close to the 100 level as possible. Ideally, the official explained to me, they would like to see the 100 level achieved. While I am not one to toot my own horn, I did agree to go along with their suggestion for the purposes of the study. You might say that I have put my own morals and beliefs aside in the interest of progressing modern science and helping mankind better understand what moves a reader to action.
Admittedly, I generally score in the low 90’s on a regular basis with the occasionally level reaching as high as 95. I think that is what attracted the CDC to me in the first place. I was “in the zone” so to speak and they felt that a score such as mine was in the realm of possibilities up be quickly affected by the human behavior driven by those traits of addiction, compulsion, and motivation. I sincerely believe they felt that with the help of the reader my score would quickly register the impact with a score of 100.
Now, I hope you won’t think bad of me or consider that I might be prostituting myself here on the Hub just to obtain a high score. I assure you as the reader and loyal fan of my work that I would never stoop so low as to concoct such a hair-brain story just as an attempt to elevate my score. Besides, do you really think that I would cook up something to do with the CDC in such an attempt? Come on, this is the real deal, you cannot make stuff like this up!
In the interest of making sure that we conduct the study in a uniform manner, the CDC officials have asked that I review the scoring possibilities with you as the reader. As you might remember, once you have completed reading the piece there will be an area at the bottom which has a series of colored buttons offering a variety of selections in regard to the scoring which you, the reader, may assign as your response to the writing. First off, you can score the writing UP or you can score it DOWN. Then in association with that scoring, you can select more descriptive accolades like “USEFUL, FUNNY, AWESOME, and BEAUTIFUL. Of course then you may also add a comment for good measure. You may use one or a combination of these scoring methods.
To be perfectly frank with you, I think that for the purposes of this study, it would be good if you used all the buttons with the exception of the DOWN scoring button. I am quite certain that use of that button will have a skewing effect on the overall outcome of the study and may cause the statistical results to drop out of the normal distribution leading to a conclusion which could be erroneous in nature. So, lay off the DOWN button for this one.
Otherwise, I would suggest that you hit all the other buttons and express yourself to the nth degree. By doing so, you are showing the scientists down at the CDC that you are affected by the factors of addiction, compulsion, and motivation in all areas including reading. This could lead to some unbelievable breakthroughs in the modern science of behavior. Who knows, I could even be up for a Nobel Prize just like the President. Of course, if I were able to achieve such recognition and success, I promise you, the reader, that I would never forget the little people and how I got to this high place in life.
May I also remind you that if you elect to participate in this all important study that it is your responsibility to return to this particular hub, or actually, any of my hubs you might select, check the score, and then proceed to vote it up again with the focus on driving my score to the 100 level.
I cannot stress enough to you how important that it is for you to not only participate in this study but also to participate often and generously. We are talking about advancing modern science here and opening up areas that mankind has only to guess about in the past. With your assistance, we can get there. We can find out those deep dark truths regarding addiction, compulsion, and motivation which drive the human mind. We can know for certain whether these factors actually come into play when a writer reaches a high scoring level. Finally, the doors will open and answers will come, if you will only give of your time and use the scoring mechanism effectively.
On behalf of all the scientists down at the CDC labs and myself, I want to thank each and every one of you up front before this study begins. Having experience the support and positive nature of those who affiliate themselves with HubPages over these past few months, I know that we will achieve the desired results of this all important study. I know that you, the reader, will do your utmost to drive my score to the 100 level proving what the scientists currently believe is true in stating that addiction, compulsion and motivation do play an all important part in the behavioral aspects of the readers personality and therefore drive his urge and need to support a particular writer to high levels of success. With that, I say, let’s get started and Win One for the Gipper!
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