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Dark Vs. Light

Updated on September 29, 2016

The Curse Upon Me

© 2015 Missy Smith

He cared…then he didn’t

I’ve watched a few come

into my life and later

walk out this way.


The thing I can’t consider

is what I do wrong. Where

Do the feelings fail, when did

I start getting lost on the trail…


I have to wonder if my purpose,

here is to be left behind? Always

Just good enough until another

shows face, whisking away my

devotion with heartless grace.


Life has become a feeling of

loneliness hard to explain.

Watching every commitment

fade away. Into an abyss of

empty crumble, it gets so tiring

pulling myself up from the rubble.


It’s like it didn't really happen…

I never even mattered. In a

second, one heart gets shattered.

My Fight to Live

© 2015 Missy Smith

God, I’m so tired of trying love.

There is no real reason for me

not to give up.


That scary thought that lurks

in my brain that I may be alone

the rest of my days.


Focusing on that light that shines

so bright is hard when darkness

has been the one to comfort me

through my nights.


That black hole that beckons me from

beyond, I can’t see who’s in there, but

they are whispering to come on…


If I should have the strength to

walk to the light, then it will be your

choice not mine to

what seals my demise.

The Fight Continues...

© 2015 Missy Smith

Pull me out of this fight,

show me the way. Let me be me

and find love this way.


It’s simple to get lost in

the charm of sadness;

you start to think you can’t live

without its madness.


When I try so hard to break free,

the thought that I could ever let it

go is frightening.


My only companion through

every battle reminding me my

kindness is drowning in my

willfulness,which seems to be

the cause for my own mental illness.


There’s no real answer

for my troubles. I’ve survived

all my life with this struggle.

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    • Missy Smith profile image
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      Missy Smith 2 years ago from Florida

      Yes, the rawspirit, I think when you write poetry, or anything, for that matter, you want the reader to feel the emotions you put down. I'm very glad you did. Although, I'm sorry it depressed you so as well. It seems I succeeded in making this poem of mine full of human angst. Thank You for sharing your thoughts and voting me up. :):):)

    • the rawspirit profile image

      Robert Morgan 2 years ago from Hutchinson Island, FL - Myrtle Beach, SC - Scottsdale AZ

      Thank you for sharing this poem, so many people are left without someone to support them through times of despair. Writing poetry seems to help many of these people get through. This poem almost depresses me! I am a fixer, and there is no fix. As I said, this poem is difficult for me, as it leaves me hurting as I see a person who just exists, writing and just existing, without hope out. Well, I guess that's the point. Have to read more of your writings. Have to vote this one up, up, up. Blessings and good luck, Having my wife read this in a few. Blessings, Bobby

    • Missy Smith profile image
      Author

      Missy Smith 2 years ago from Florida

      I'm so pleased that you really did get my poem Eric. Thank you for understanding what I was trying to get across to the readers. Thanks for the Vote Ups!!!

    • Eric Flynn profile image

      Eric Wayne Flynn 2 years ago from Providence, Rhode Island

      The thing that stood out to me in this piece is how we can all get used to melancholy and loneliness, and how that can condition us to darkness; therefore it gets harder to break free. Voted Up and Useful.

      EWF

    • Missy Smith profile image
      Author

      Missy Smith 2 years ago from Florida

      I definitely agree with everything you just said Dream On. Thanks so much for your support and the encouraging words. :)

    • DREAM ON profile image

      DREAM ON 2 years ago

      There are so many opportunities in our life. If we are not looking for them we never see them even if they are right under our nose.When we change our thoughts we change our outcome. When I read the words of another writer I am drawn into a whole new world. I appreciate all the time and effort it takes to create something that until minutes ago didn't exsist. That gives new meaning to life.Thank you for sharing.

    • Missy Smith profile image
      Author

      Missy Smith 2 years ago from Florida

      Thank you Humbled-T-Wade. I appreciate you taking the time to read my poem. :)

    • Missy Smith profile image
      Author

      Missy Smith 2 years ago from Florida

      "I have never delt with depression like you have. I find it easier to focus on all the good in life and let the rest be the good still cooking in the oven not quite done yet."

      That's such an interesting and great way to look at life DreamOn, and it made me giggle. :) Don't get me wrong, I have gotten a lot better at dealing with this issue; I am an optimistic person. However, I do have bad days that make me sink a little at times. I keep it to myself most of the time, but since I have been writing poetry, It's been a great platform for me to release pinned up emotions. I think it actually helps me come out of my sadness a lot faster now. I never want to be thought of as weak or a burden with my problems. My family doesn't know when I'm having a bout with it anymore, and I'm good at putting on a smile and bringing myself up now.

      Thanks for your lovely comment. I love when I get such great advice from others.

    • profile image

      Humbled-T-Wade 2 years ago

      Interesting perspective! Thanks for writing :)

    • DREAM ON profile image

      DREAM ON 2 years ago

      You have such a way with words. I feel your emotional turmoil and I see a strong, talented, loving mother who will turn her darkest fears into her most exceptional work. I have never delt with depression like you have. I find it easier to focus on all the good in life and let the rest be the good still cooking in the oven not quite done yet. I strongly believe our greatest joys in life come to us when we feel we can't give no more. We feel we have reached the end of the road. Then out of the blue a crystal blue sky comes after an awful rain my day is brighter and better than ever. Thank you for sharing your deepest thoughts and taking the time and effort and making my day better. I have struggled all my life's trying to find people that care unfortunately the people that don't show up first and hang around for a long , long time. I move on and my search continues...

    • Missy Smith profile image
      Author

      Missy Smith 2 years ago from Florida

      Thanks Frank. And yes, it did come from a personal part of my life. It was very emotional for me as I was writing it. I'm glad you liked it.

    • Missy Smith profile image
      Author

      Missy Smith 2 years ago from Florida

      Thanks for reading my poem Dana. And you're right, it's better to wait for love. However, we make mistakes sometimes thinking we've found real love, but it's not. Love is always a leap of faith I guess. Thanks again. :)

    • Dana Tate profile image

      Dana Tate 2 years ago from LOS ANGELES

      Beautiful with stunning pictures to compliment. I used to feel I was the most un lucky person when it comes to love. Still feel that way sometime but hey I would rather wait for right love then keep settling for wrong love.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      richly dark, raw and emotional piece missy.. this poem is absorbing, and seems intensely personal.. loved it

    • Missy Smith profile image
      Author

      Missy Smith 2 years ago from Florida

      Thank you Faith. Yes, without him, I know I wouldn't make it probably, but I know he pulls me through. As far as who's left me, I know, deep down, it was for the best, I think it just scares me to know I'm middle aged now and haven't had luck in finding the right person for me yet. It's not all bad days, some days I even think I like it better being alone. I know if there is someone out there for me, they will show up eventually. I've had a few bad days, which makes you dwell on negative things unfortunately. However, writing is my therapy for that. I'm glad I have a great platform here at HP now that I feel comfortable enough to express my thoughts. Many blessings Faith and Thanks!

    • Missy Smith profile image
      Author

      Missy Smith 2 years ago from Florida

      Thanks Jodah, I know I'm not alone in the struggle, and your wife is lucky to have you. I know as she does it's a very hard thing to deal with. I'm not the worse case I suppose. I'm aware I have it, but I seem to maintain pretty well. However, when I have a bad day, it can sneak up on me, thus is the reason for my poem above. I just kind of write my emotions for therapy, and I thought why not share here. Unfortunately, I haven't had great luck in life, so it makes it worse sometimes, but I pull through. I appreciate your kind words and understanding. It means a lot. :)

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 2 years ago from southern USA

      Oh, Missy, I could feel the loneliness in your words. Please never give up on love ... for I know you have much love in this life in having been blessed with beautiful children. We all need to be loved and the more we love others, the more we will be loved. If he has walked away for whatever unknown reason, then he is not meant for you. God hears your cries and He will relieve you of your distress. He may be wanting to get your attention and focus on how much you are loved by Him and how beautiful you are to Him.

      Up and more and away

      Hugs and much love to you

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Quite a dark poem of your personal struggles Missy. I can relate as my wife suffers anxiety and depression and believe me even being in a permanent relationship is not easy when one is suffering continual ups and downs. You need to just keep on fighting and try to surround yourself with the things that interest you and keep you happy. My wife needs to be active all the time doing craft and stuff...she cannot just sit and relax and chill out, ever like I can. Very well written poetry however. Voted up.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Quite a dark poem of your personal struggles Missy. I can relate as my wife suffers anxiety and depression and believe me even being in a permanent relationship is not easy when one is suffering continual ups and downs. You need to just keep on fighting and try to surround yourself with the things that interest you and keep you happy. My wife needs to be active all the time doing craft and stuff...she cannot just sit and relax and chill out, ever like I can. Very well written poetry however. Voted up.