Dear Stranger...(A Letter From the Heart)

This is a powerful letter that I had decided to write to my estranged mother. It's definitely going to land in the personal category but I really don't care. If I have to edit it over and over to get it featured, I will. It's something that it had to be written in order to get closure. Thanks for reading.

Dear stranger,

It's odd that I should be writing to you now after eleven years of estrangement. There was a lot of tears and resentment. There were a lot of words that shouldn't have been said and that we wish we could take back. I know I wish I could have taken back the words that I said, but at the same time, I was only thinking of myself. I was only thirteen and was focused on growing up and enjoying my childhood. Even in teen years, I still considered those years as my childhood because I never really had a childhood. I got to live out the childhood that I never knew that I wanted. I got to play with the next door neighbors. They were younger than me, but I didn't care. It just felt good that they wanted to play with me. Nobody wanted to play with me outside of school. I wasn't invited to many birthday parties. Heck, I remember one time that you came to the Catholic School and taking my older sister out for a check up and one girl actually threw rocks at you because she didn't like you. I didn't understand why she didn't like you. Looking back on it, she must have seen something in you that I missed. She was more perceptive than I was and that's because she wasn't close to you, like I was.

Eleven years later, I'm still enjoying my youth and childhood through old school cartoons like "Looney Tunes" and "Tom and Jerry." I'm still enjoying video games and making memes. I didn't know what they were until recently. They are nothing more than just humorous captions. I enjoy making the few memes I do from time to time because they involve my imagination. I could have had all of that with you but you chose alcohol to be your companion. Unfortunately, that companion changed you and not for the better. While I didn't know you before you took the bottle to be your companion, I bet you were someone just looking for guidance. I don't know. Whatever happened in your life couldn't have been good.

I will admit that there are times that I cringe when I call you mom in casual conversation. I can still remember the times that you left me alone with your parents and you went out to party instead of going to work as you claimed. We didn't spend time together like a mother and daughter would as we visited your parents. I remember the one time back in 1993 that we were coming back from a trip late in the night and when we arrived home, nobody helped me out of my car seat. I was left sitting in the car all night in Texas...in Texas. The next morning, I woke up, still in my clothes from the night before and still strapped into the car seat. Thankfully, nothing happened. I was greeted with a 'good morning' from grandma and that was it. She and I were off to the pharmacy.

Did you even miss me? I know my older sister didn't. She was probably enjoying the peace and quiet from my not being a pesky little sister to her. She got all of the video game time to herself without having to share with me. I guess I can't blame her because I was always asking if I could play with her. Most of my memories of those days are vague and sometimes I wonder if that's a good thing. I will admit, though, that sometimes I miss calling you mom but those are very rare times. Enough about me and my anger, though, I want to ask about you.

What have you been up to in the days after we went our separate ways? Are you well? Are you living in a warm place? I understand that the house that the entire family lived in foreclosed, so I hope you've got somewhere to sleep and have good things to eat. In this day and age, not a whole lot of people are as lucky as I am. I pray that you are not one of those people. In spite of the anger that we faced, I couldn't wish that kind of fate on you. I hate it when people have to go without and that, unfortunately, is a growing trend. I don't know what your habits are now and what you like to enjoy. I guess that is what happens when we grow apart.

Take care, dear stranger.

From your daughter,

Jennifer