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Dickens Cider

Updated on September 30, 2009

Dickens Cider




FD:  (Finishing a conversation)  So he can’t bend down without soiling himself now.  True story.


MC:  Well, they say fact is stranger than fiction, don’t they?


FD:  That they do. 




FD:  I was down my local last night, and who should walk in the door at about 10 o’ clock?


MC:  Who?


FD:  Your wife.


MC:  My wife?


F.D:  Yep, large as life.


M.C:  Larger, no doubt.


F.D:  She were hollering and screaming with a huge group of lasses, all dressed as nurses!


MC:  Where was this to?


FD:  The pub on the riverfront; the Hole in the Wall.


MC:  Oh that one – I know it well.  She always loved it when I went in the hole on the front; she was usually already there waiting for me to enter.  Either that or rubbing the bald man in the canoe – you remember that bald fella who would row up and down the river?  She’d always rub his head for luck.


FD:  Well last night, everyone certainly knew she were there.  Like I said, a right carry-on.  Tell you what; I was surprised that your missus liked the occasional drink.


MC:  Oh yes – she was a bugger for it a few years ago.  When we first met, she used to drink nowt but cider.


FD:  Oh aye?


MC:  Yep; every day, all day – cider, cider, cider.  She used to adore one particular one, called Dickens.  She doesn’t have it much anymore, but she used to love a Dickens Cider.


FD:  A Dicken’s Cider?


MC:  Oh yeah – when we first met, she was enjoying a Dickens Cider in the middle of the pub!  Cheeky mare.


FD:  In the middle of the pub?  My word, she was a bit of a goer back then, weren’t she?


MC:  She used to get home from working at the hospital, and moan and scream until I got a Dickens Cider on the table.  We didn’t have coasters then, so the table used to have the most terrible stains on it afterwards.


FD:  I’d say.


MC:  I remember once, I came home from the coal mine with a sack full of bottles of cider, just for her, to discover that she’d already had a Dicken Cider that afternoon!  Well I weren’t going anywhere until she had my Dicken Cider too. 


FD:  Well, what’s a man to do?  He comes home with a full sack for his wife to empty, and she won’t have just one Dickens Cider?  What’s this world coming to?


MC:  The last time she had a Dickens Cider, she was going away for the weekend to a lovely little inn – the Rammit Inn I think it was called, with a dog, the local vicar and a large set of bagpipes.  When they got there, they all went for a meal.  She ordered some fish fingers.  Well, a good 4 finger supper really got to her, made her all frisky, so she came back home early to catch me in bed with the chambermaid!


FD:  What?!  Bloody hell – what did she do? 


MC:  The chambermaid?  Nothing – she had a dick inside her!


FD:  Oh – I thought you said it was the last time your wife had a Dickens Cider?


MC:  No, it was definitely the chambermaid.  She made the bed afterwards.






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    • sceece profile image

      sceece 7 years ago

      My buddy has a lot of interesting space pictures Video Oh, Check it out together

    • Dale Mazurek profile image

      Dale Mazurek 8 years ago from Canada

      This was absolutely hilarious.

      I am so glad jayjay40 reccomended it for my blog.

      You can find the link to my blog on my profile page.

      Such a refreshing hub



    • kirstenblog profile image

      kirstenblog 8 years ago from London UK

      I think The Aristocrats joke is over the top. This reaches the top without going over it :)

    • mrwerd profile image

      mrwerd 8 years ago from South West, United Kingdom

      The Dickens Cider thing is pretty old; I suppose it's the British version of The Aristocrats "joke".

    • jayjay40 profile image

      jayjay40 8 years ago from Bristol England

      That was SO FUNNY-I don't know where you get your ideas

      Keep them coming


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