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A poem which should not have seen the light of day.

Updated on September 6, 2017 to another

a joy to gently enfold

soft and lovely...a gift from above

she lights up the darkness...a gentle dove



one round in the chamber

five rounds in my hand

this gun can take a human life

this gun can kill a man


two rounds in the chamber

four rounds waiting still

the treasure of my life I've lost

it's time to pay the bill


three rounds in the chamber

three rounds I still see

I need my end so badly

and this will set me free


four rounds in the chamber

two rounds soaked with sweat

relieve me of this torment

and free me from this debt


five rounds in the chamber

one gleaming in my eye

somehow I must finish this

somehow I must die

...Bang Bang...Boom Boom...Lay down,you're dead.


"Ya dispatch,we're at the scene now...hell of a mess on the mirror
...definitely a suicide."

"Hey Joey,check out this newspaper article on the bed...pretty girl raped and murdered...same last name as this guy...must of been his kid.Huh,where was he when That was going down?"

"Hey,why would a guy put five rounds in a gun to shoot himself once?"

"I don't know...nut job I guess.We're done here,let's go get some lunch."


What is a father to do?

When he loses his daughter this way?

But follow after her...

To beg forgiveness...

For not having been there...

When she needed him most...


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    • profile image

      Mena 3 years ago

      A perfect reply! Thanks for taking the truelbo.

    • Ben Zoltak profile image

      Ben Zoltak 6 years ago from Lake Mills, Jefferson County, Wisconsin USA

      Rapid fire prose for a conceal and carry country I like it man.

      Stay green


    • cheaptrick profile image

      cheaptrick 6 years ago from the bridge of sighs

      Thank you for all your generous comments...though I don't really deserve them.

      A poem like this wells up and demands its self.

      I had no other choice.

    • Anne Pettit profile image

      Anne Pettit 6 years ago from North Carolina

      Whoa. Well done

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 7 years ago from United States

      I had to read this twice because it was morbid and yet it was so well written. It was the ending but I guess surprised me with the police acting so nonchalant at a murder scene.

    • donotfear profile image

      donotfear 7 years ago from The Boondocks

      Incredibly dark, as you are, my friend, Cheaptrickey...! Is that you in your new avatar? Hmmmmm....I bet. As usual, you taken this maze in many directions leaving the reader in a confused state. Keep it up, it's becoming, you rascal.

    • Kylo88 profile image

      Kylo88 7 years ago from dc

      wow. deep. that's crazy how you right like that! it's so dark. and the part where the two just shrug it off and go get lunch is fairly accurate. but i love the poem! and the end part is very gripping. i like it alot! keep it up! ^_^

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 7 years ago

      Wow, just caught my breath to say...that was good, morbid, but very, very good! And thanks for stopping by my Hub.

    • Ben Zoltak profile image

      Ben Zoltak 7 years ago from Lake Mills, Jefferson County, Wisconsin USA

      Ah, I dated this girl, she jumped off a barstool...we called it done.

      Cool read Cheaptrick.


    • aslanlight profile image

      aslanlight 7 years ago from England

      Very powerful and you have an excellent use of language, rhythm and flow.

    • GPAGE profile image

      GPAGE 7 years ago from California

      Dean! Happy New Year my friend!!! Well, you never cease to amaze me! I did feed my head and I thought of the shooting range I went to a while ago where I almost got killed! Well anyway, I love the way you take chances in your writing. Intense but good "thinking material." You have a very intriguing side to you. You take chances and this is what makes you so damn cool! This is going to be a great year! Right? Best, G

    • Micky Dee profile image

      Micky Dee 7 years ago

      Even with a bullet in it - his head was clear as a bell!

    • vrbmft profile image

      Vernon Bradley 7 years ago from Yucaipa, California

      Happy New Year, Dean

      This reminds me of Dr. Frederick Miller who shot himself in the mouth on January 06, 1970, in his office. He was an obstetrician, one of the last old time doctors in this area. A very kind and gentle doctor. He himself was not very old and no one knows for sure why, but he killed himself in his personal office which so happens to be my personal office now.

      I often wonder what was going on for him in general and what was going on at the moment of leaving us. He left a note on the door to his nurse, "Do not come in, call sheriff."

      So the story is tru!

      happy new year, friend

      Love and peace


    • Karen Wodke profile image

      Karen Wodke 7 years ago from Midwest


    • LillyGrillzit profile image

      Lori J Latimer 7 years ago from The River Valley, Arkansas

      Your writing is always intriguing and it is a pleasure to read your Hubs. I had to go back a couple of times, and it is still on my mind. Thanks. Happy New Year, 2011 and beyond