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when will you start saying "NO" and be happy?

Updated on May 29, 2016

Already in a deep mess?

Have you come across a situation in life when you desperately felt like not doing a task and still being forced to complete it? Or you have so dearly wanted to take out time to spend that special occasion with your family but could not as you had to stay that extra hours in the office as your boss wanted you to complete his or her task? This has happened to everyone at different levels in the office. We have cursed our bosses and have promised ourselves not to let it happen the next time. But the cycle has continued time and again. Is there a solution to this problem?

Every problem has a solution but we need to understand the root cause to the problem before trying to find solution. Seeking solution without knowing the problem is like trying to understand the question with the help of an answer. So first let us try to understand where it all began. How did we end up messing up our life.

It All starts with a Small Innocent Yes Sir

Did you know that we ourselves are the reason for the problem that we are surrounded with. Yes it is us and our attitude of not wanting to take the risk of hurting the sentiment of our boss. It all starts with a very innocent “YES SIR”. It is a known fact that if getting a job is hard then sustaining it is harder. So in order to prove our worth in the office we start trying to go that extra mile. And we take the first wrong step of doing more than we are paid to do. That is the first step towards work life imbalance. In the beginning we do not regret it. We feel happy to be in the good books of our boss and try to do anything and everything to be there. Why are we going that extra mile? Simple, expectation of a promotion or a salary hike at the end of the year.

And the vicious circle starts

The problem with boss’s memory is that it is always short lived. No boss remembers what you have done in the past. Especially when it comes to your good work. They only remember the hard work that you are doing now. But very ironically they will remember anything wrong done by you, even if it is for once, for ever. So in order to be in their memory you always need to go that extra mile and set the bar high. If you have achieved a target today then then the target becomes the basic and you automatically need to raise your target. You cannot go on harping about what you have achieved in the past. Apart from that you need to constantly prove that you are bringing something new to the negotiation table or else you and your ideas become obsolete.

Can the rat race be ignored?

Unfortunately the rat race cannot be ignored. Whether you like it or not you need to be a part of it. And not only be a part of it, you need to be a winner. So in order to be a winner you need to say yes even when you want to say no. Do we have a choice? Can we take the risk of spoiling our career prospects by saying o to our boss? Maybe not. Maybe it is not possible to do it every time. You might need to be accommodating their request seven out of ten time. But there are times when you can firmly put down your foot and say No. Yes you can Say no when you do want to say no.

The most important question.

But the most important question is that do you have the courage to say no when you want to say no? Most of the people fear the consequences and restrict themselves. But a response with a factual description should not be spoiling your career. Besides one should know as to when and where the denial should be put forward. We cannot always say no to the task provided. As this sets a wrong precedence in the society. Unfortunately we have started this trend of doing extra to prove our worth. We cannot run away from it any more. But surely we can avoid situations where we need to sacrifice our personal life in order to make our boss happy. For that we need to have the courage to say “NO”. And it is not necessary to say no in an arrogant manner. You can be polite and still be able to put your point across with facts. How to do it and when to it is dependent from person to person.


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    • Siva222 profile image

      Chandrashekhar Siva 2 years ago from Chennai

      But even for that you need to have the will power and conviction to do so. Many people have the FOMO factor (Fear Of Missing Out) and that becomes the reason for not being able to say No or for that matter even Yes

    • word55 profile image

      Word 2 years ago from Chicago

      Saying No depends on what you're saying no or yes to. How much do you sacrifice by saying yes? What are the benefits of saying no? What are the consequences by saying no or yes? However, in any situation you should say no if it is not appropriate, costly or too difficult for you.

    • Siva222 profile image

      Chandrashekhar Siva 2 years ago from Chennai

      Thanks a lot Patricia and Mary for the wonderful comments. I too had suffered for a long time ( around six to seven years) before finally saying "NO"

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 2 years ago from sunny Florida

      It took me many many years to learn to say that word and to mean it. And to not feel guilty because I did. I just felt that if I was asked to do something, participate in something, take on some new task that I MUST. But it became too much. After much soul searching I realized I had to learn to know my limits and to gracefully decline when I new some new something would be more than I could handle.

      Great hub....thanks for sharing Angels are on the way this morning ps

    • prettynutjob30 profile image

      Mary 2 years ago from From the land of Chocolate Chips,and all other things sweet.

      Great hub, voted up, shared, and more. I used to be horrible at saying "NO" my whole life consisted of doing everything I could for everyone. While, I still help people out occasionally, I no longer wait on people hand and foot, or jump when they say jump. To keep ones sanity, the word "NO" has to be used every once in a while.