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Don't tell me you are mad at me!

Updated on December 12, 2012
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THREE RELIGIOUS MEN AND A BEAR

A Catholic Priest, a Pastor and a Rabbi are challenged by The 700 Club In trying to convert 3 Bears to Christendom...and they are promised a new House and half a million dollars donation for their own congregation. Meaning 100 thousand cash..minus Uncle Sam's share...

They are left on this place in Western Pennsylvania, near Tammy Swallow's hometown. after 1 full day they show what they did in a live interview with the 700 network:

"When I read the Bible, I poured holly water on this Cub, and next week he will do his first communion," said Father Albert.

"I preached the living word of God from our found new book of revelations, and this bear I found is going to be baptized in our own premises next Sunday, " said Pastor Deeds.

THEN THE RABBI...

Rabbi Metz is carried in stretchers all beaten up and hardly talking, he murmured, " Wanted to circumcise this creature of God on the spot, and he wanted to kill me..."

NO WEDDING PLANNER ON ANNIVERSARIES

This friend wanted to celebrate his 30 years wedding anniversary in Bahamas..and decided to go first and check the place on the Caribbean Island. He knew Rachel would love it, so emailed her the good news to her office in Miami; all she wanted to do was to show up at MIA international Airport with her Passport. Unfortunately, he emailed to the wrong person..this time was to a 'Preacher's wife' whose husband has just passed away the night before. To make things worse, her name was Rachel too. Two hours later the Widow's son finds out that his mom has passed out in front of the Computer screen; He becomes worried, fixing his eyes on the email...that read:

" Dear wife,

I made in here. I hope your trip is as good as mine. I know for sure you will depart tomorrow. I'm having fun in here!!

P.D. I s hot as hell in here.."

A TRUE STORY BUT SAD...

This Doctor recommends absolute rest to a patient with asthma. "Full open windows tonight and complete medication as prescribed, three times a day and don't forget to start your new diet, " says with confidence this acclaimed Physician. After 3 days, the patient comes back for a follow up evaluation and looks sad and mad. "Did you get better?, and maybe your Asthma is gone..?" asks the physician. "Nope, but gone are my Plasma TV, my two laptops, my wife's jewelry... and so on. They barely left my laundry intact!"

PLEASE BOGUSLAW!!

This Polish Immigrant arrived to New Jersey on the latest 70's. He won a fortune in Atlantic City by using his own secret, inherited from his math Genius Grandpa from Warsaw. In 1989, he decided to Marry Helena, a friend he met in Jersey City back in 86. A good fellow friend told him to do it and have family and... "Who is going to give you a glass of fresh of water...on your death bed..huh?" All the Al-fa Romeos and Ferrari's were traded with Formulas, diapers and school for his three kids he had until 2001. Suddenly he got sick this past July, and was bedridden to his last breathe. His wife and kids were expecting the worst, 'as usual', and he looked onto the ceiling and exclaimed in a very soft voice, " This cannot be Lord! I'm dying and I'm not even Thirsty..!" 

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  • Sunshine625 profile image

    Linda Bilyeu 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

    Thank you Lord! This is just what I needed to LOL! You amaze me!:)

  • Lord De Cross profile image
    Author

    Joseph De Cross 5 years ago

    You are welcome Linda...Just arriving to gate e26 on AA, finally they finished revamping that MIA!! (JK)

  • Deborah Brooks profile image

    Deborah Brooks Langford 5 years ago from Brownsville,TX

    So funny... Where do you find this stuff? I love it..

    MERRY CHRISTMAS MR.. LORD.

  • Lord De Cross profile image
    Author

    Joseph De Cross 5 years ago

    Hi Debbie!

    Well, some stories are from hearsay, and some are over recreated from factual situations. And some are from comedians. Merry Christimas back to you Debbie! Glad to have a friend like you.

    LORD

  • justateacher profile image

    LaDena Campbell 5 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz...

    This was great! Just what I needed as a break from a long day!

  • Lord De Cross profile image
    Author

    Joseph De Cross 5 years ago

    Thank you Justateacher...I'm laughing more and more, everytime I read my friends...Merry Christmas my favorite Teacher!

    LORD

  • FloraBreenRobison profile image

    FloraBreenRobison 5 years ago

    Thanks for the laughs!

  • mary615 profile image

    Mary Hyatt 5 years ago from Florida

    Thanks for the laughs, Lord. Just want I needed. I love the ads on your Hub. "Be ordained today" , etc. They really do pick the correct subject material, huh? Goodnight, friend.

  • Lord De Cross profile image
    Author

    Joseph De Cross 5 years ago

    Good night dear!

  • RealHousewife profile image

    Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Ha! My Lord you are so funny:) lol

  • Lord De Cross profile image
    Author

    Joseph De Cross 5 years ago

    Flora, Kelly!

    You ladies have found those five minutes that you won't forget right? Glad was that way!...I can Imagine so many situations from real life. Good night my friends!

    LORD

  • PurvisBobbi44 profile image

    PurvisBobbi44 5 years ago from Florida

    Lord,

    You are a funny man---thanks for the laughs.Like a diamond you shine and have so many facets of your talent.

    Thanks,

    Bobbi

  • Lord De Cross profile image
    Author

    Joseph De Cross 5 years ago

    Thank you so much Bobbi...We just have fun doing it you know? Besides we love our friends...in a good way..just in case, Can you dig it?

    LORD

  • profile image

    AEvans 5 years ago

    Always something to brighten someone's day! My cheeks hurt and I should be sleeping. LOLOLO! By the way I also loved the pic you chose! :)

  • Lord De Cross profile image
    Author

    Joseph De Cross 5 years ago

    Hi there, AEvans,

    Thank you ma'am. You always so kind. Do we know each other...from somewhere?

    LORD

  • Lady Guinevere profile image

    Debra Allen 5 years ago from West By God

    Hahahahaha Was the best thing for today.

  • Lord De Cross profile image
    Author

    Joseph De Cross 5 years ago

    Hello Lady Guinevere,

    Thanks for the comment. Well is a side of us that hasn't been used in here too much...but we love to have a big smile in our faces. Have a nice one!

    LORD

  • Levertis Steele profile image

    Levertis Steele 5 years ago from Southern Clime

    These jokes are boredom kickers and very refreshing. I enjoyed them.

  • Lord De Cross profile image
    Author

    Joseph De Cross 5 years ago

    Thanks Levertis Steele,

    You are very welcome!! Geez! You are unearthing these old hubs! Merry Christmas!

    LORD

  • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

    Gypsy Rose Lee 5 years ago from Riga, Latvia

    LOL Ok you got me at first I was wondering what I was ready then I realized. Quite clever.

  • Lord De Cross profile image
    Author

    Joseph De Cross 5 years ago

    GYpsy Rose,

    You always so kind in commentig. Did you check the picture of the Bear in pain? That's better than a thousand words in a hub! Thanks Gypsy Rose!

    LORD

  • tammyswallow profile image

    Tammy 5 years ago from North Carolina

    Very interesting. I used to hang out with those bears. We had long discussions about circumscision. They have been against it for a long time. :)

    Thank you for the chuckles.. Well done. I am closing my window now..

  • Lord De Cross profile image
    Author

    Joseph De Cross 5 years ago

    Good grief! Tammy!

    You made me laugh!! as usual! I like driving through the area where you grew up. Lots of dears, bears and nasty State Troppers on 76 Turnpike. Next time I get pulled over, I mihgt mention your name...this way, they might let me go Quickly! You know?

    LORD

  • raciniwa profile image

    raciniwa 5 years ago from Naga City, Cebu

    hahahahaha...why did i miss this mighty lord?you sure have a way of inflicting fun at me...yehaw...

  • Lord De Cross profile image
    Author

    Joseph De Cross 5 years ago

    Raciniwa please!

    Hubber are suppose to read, ponder, take a deep breath..and then comment. Hahahaha! Yeah right!!

    Have a nice one..ther at Cebu!

    LORD

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