ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Dumb Poem Collection - # 25 through # 36

Updated on March 17, 2016

Why oh why?

Continuing with the consolidation of my many dumb poems, here is the third collection of twelve dumb poems in the series.

As you might imagine, each of the little poems has some sort of reason for its having been written. It is more than acceptable to me that you may want to invent your own versions for each of them, but I’ll play it fair and square and tell you what the deals really were. Here they are in order:

The one about the dull-witted sheep was to be sent along to the good folks in Limerick, Maine, a little place whose folks claimed they were lacking in limericks. Limerick, Maine, used to be a textile town, hence the blanket thing.

The kid kangaroo that cussed at the bee that stung him jumped out of that old expression that kids are to be seen but not heard. Please do not ask me why that came to mind.

I was reminded of some of those little mysteries, the envelopes, the sugar packages, and the doggie bags, among others, as I tried to open an envelope with all of that self-sticking glue junk that is next to impossible to overcome.

Ahh – the letter from home... Honestly, now, that was the actual answer I sent to one of my sisters who had mailed her yearly family history tales (5 pages, single-spaced typing) to me. Call my reply my year’s summary.

Oh-oh! The cold feet thing. Don’t tell Esther on me, please.

When the King Tut exhibit hit town, so did the words for that cockroach tale.

The one about the "Motorman" is some remembering of Allison Sanders, the "Motorman" of his "In Houston" newspaper column. Allison was a funny guy who was older than granite, but he still toiled on. He worked at the Houston Chronicle, since maybe even before it was begun. When the original owner sold the newspaper, he made it part of the sales contract that "Motorman" could never be fired. In effect, Allison Sanders died with his wheels still rolling along.

O’Daniel’s steel outhouse became a thought during the thunderstorm that blew out all the lights as I was trying to think of what to write.

"Bum" is Bum Phillips, longtime and beloved coach of the now gone Houston Oilers football team; I was his and his team’s devoted fan. Back then, most of us were football nuts. Those were the days of "Luv ya Blue," the team’s song and our rallying cry.

Sherlock was, of course, Sherlock Holmes, the creation of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Sherlock’s buddy was Watson, to whom Sherlock was forever saying, "It’s elementary, my dear Watson."

The banker poem was the result of my just having read "On banking," that very funny poem by Ogden Nash. Ogden was a real dumb poem writer. My goal is to beat him at his own game.

Roots was my take-off of the well-known "Roots" novel.

Now you know how these things can happen. Perhaps you did not want to know, but, for a fact, I was bound and determined to tell you, anyway.

The illustrations are by my friend, Al Kaeppel. The way he came up with them is an indication that Al is as big a nutcase as I am. He simply read the dumb poems and there came the cartoons without another word from me. Al is far better with serious art, but oil paintings don’t go so well with doggerel, now do they?

The Naked Sheep

A dull-witted sheep ambled through.
That's something a smart sheep won't do.
His hair's now a blanket.
Did anyone thank it
or say to him, "don't catch the flu?"


Kids Should be Seen and Not Heard

A kangaroo kid stuck his head from the pouch,
was stung by a bee, and he didn't say "ouch."


Little Mysteries

Have you ever wondered why they make
envelopes whose seals won't break,
or sugar bags that have three layers
with the wrong one always full of tears,
and doggie bags that people take?


Letter From Home

There's a pretty flower on the vine,
a new bird in the tree.
Our old tomcat just ate the fish.
that's all the news from me.



But She Has Cold Feet


My wife, Esther,
doesn't pester.
She was a find -
one of a kind.
(With me, God blessed her.)

King Tut's Cockroaches

They're tough as nails -
those six-legged snails !
From antiquity
they pester me.
All bug spray fails !



Dollar a Day and No Change


On days of work, the Motorman
walked to where his ride began.
Then, on steel wheels, now memories,
he'd roll on tracks, fast as you please.

This lasted years, a habit started
so, even now, with tracks departed,
Motorman, his feet rotating,
gets around by roller-skating.



O'Daniel, successful with farming,
decided to make his place charming.
He built an outbuilding
of steel, with gold gilding.
Come lightning, to use it's alarming.



Bum's Lament

"Football coaching's my whole life -
weekday play and weekend strife.
What a way to earn a living.
Football's fun but unforgiving."




"You don't remember? Such a shame!
It's elementary, ‘What's-your-name’ !"



The First National Bank

"Our loaning of money is brisk
as long as we see there's no risk.
Don't come in here busted.
You'll just not be trusted.
Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk!"




Onions have such funny skin.
It's cruddy, flaky, and quite thin.
Their stink's enough to make me weep,
as is their cost - it's much too steep.
My love for them must be a sin.


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)