E.G.G Episode 61: The S.W.O.R.D, the S.H.I.E.L.D, and the E.G.G

AND THERE CAME A DAY, A DAY UNLIKE ANY OTHER. A DAY WHERE THREE FRIENDS HAD DEALT WITH THE IMPENDING DANGER AT THEIR DOORSTEP, AND FINALLY HAD THE TIME TO DO WHAT THEY DO BEST. ON THAT DAY, E.G.G STARTED OVER.

-The S.W.O.R.D, the S.H.I.E.L.D, and the E.G.G-

Josh walked into E.G.G Base to find that it was no different than he left it. Destroyed, messy, and empty.

“Where is everybody?” Josh asked. “And didn’t I request a S.H.I.E.L.D repair crew to fix this place up?” He looked around. “Eileen? Are you here? It’s Monday… Hello?”

“Mr. Westbrook.” Josh quickly turned to see a woman with green hair, green sunglasses, and a green S.H.I.E.L.D-like uniform.

“Well hello beautiful.” Josh said. “Let me guess… Viper’s nicer twin sister?”

“Agent Abigail Brand.” She said, shaking Josh’s hand. “Director of S.W.O.R.D.”

“Direc- what? Wait, you have a sword?”

“No, I’m the Director of S.W.O.R.D.” Josh raised his eyebrows in confusion. “S.W.O.R.D? You honestly don’t know what that is?”

“Um…”

“Sentient World Observation and Response Department?” Josh just stared. “Don’t you work for S.H.I.E.L.D?”

“Yeah, we’re a division of S.H.I.E.L.D...”

“And you don’t know what S.W.O.R.D is?”

“Nope.”

“Don’t bother.” Agent Maria Hill stated, coming out from the hall. “He doesn’t even know what S.H.I.E.L.D stands for.”

“Okay, well, number one, hello Maria. And I do too know what it stands for! It’s Strategic Hazard-”

“Wrong.” Hill interrupted.

“What!? It is not!”

“Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division.”

“Since when!”

“Since we changed it. We sent out a memo.”

“I never got it…”

“You didn’t get the memo stating that Director Fury was still alive.” Acacia said, coming out of her room with a box.

“Acacia? What’s with the box? And speaking of Fury, where is he?”

“Right here.” His voice answered from Agent Brand’s general direction. Josh looked at Brand.

“Director Brand? Did you eat Nick Fury…” Brand sighed and handed him a small video communicator with Fury on it. “Oh. So you want to explain what’s going on?”

“You’re being relocated.” Fury replied.

“What, again? Why!”

“Because I obviously wasn’t thinking clearly when I put the most dangerous weapon inventors to date underneath a statewide landmark.”

“Grand Central Station isn’t a landmark, it’s just a popular building.” Josh replied.

“Regardless, when holes are getting blasted in the floor, people start asking questions. Questions we don’t feel like answering.”

“Ugh, so where are we going now?”

“You’ll be bunking with Agent Brand on the Peak, S.W.O.R.D’s base of operations.”

“Whoa, we have to share with an entire other agency? Why?”

“Cuts costs. Makes sense. Agent Brand will be taking you as soon as possible.”

“Now wait a minute! I haven’t even packed! I don’t have all my stuff!”

“Your things have been packed and moved into your new room.”

“Oh, so you’re choosing my room now!”

“If I remember correctly, you got last pick in this base.”

“I… ugh. Fine. Where’s Eileen?”

“Up here with me. She’ll meet you guys shortly.” Fury cut out.

“Wow, okay, that happened.” Josh looked at Acacia. “So, I ask again, what’s with the box?”

“I took the wallpaper.” She replied. Josh stared at her. “Don’t judge me!” She hugged the box and walked out.

“We should be leaving Mr. Westbrook.” Brand stated.

“Sure thing Abigail. Eh, Abigail is too long. I’m gonna call you Abbey.”

“I would prefer Agent Brand.” She said.

“He doesn’t care.” Hill replied.

“Are you coming with us Maria?” Josh asked.

“No, I just came to make sure there was no evidence left that you, or S.H.I.E.L.D, were ever here.”

“Wow you guys are thorough. Either that or paranoid…”

“Sure.” Hill replied, walking past them. “Agent Brand.”

“Commander Hill.” Brand nodded as Hill left the base.

“Well, let’s go Abbey!” Josh exclaimed. Then he paused.

“What is it?” Brand asked.

“… That was some nice wallpaper…”

“Ugh, you’ve got five minutes.”

“All the time I need!” Josh shouted, rushing up the stairs.

Meanwhile, on the Helicarrier, Commander Hill joined Nick Fury in a large room emptied of everything but a table and two chairs, one of which Fury was sitting in.

“Right on time, as always.” Fury remarked as Hill pulled out the chair and sat next to him.

“Thank you sir.” She replied. She hit the button on her earpiece. “Quartermain, tell Ms. Wuthrich we’re ready for her now.”

“Yes ma’am.” Quartermain replied. Seconds later the door opened and Eileen walked in, wheeling a large cart with a tarp draped over it. She moved to center of the room and smiled.

“Director Fury, Commander Hill.” She said. They both looked at her. Eileen cleared her throat. “Right, okay, um, today I’d like to demonstrate our latest and greatest from your number one weapons and gadgets manufacturers…” She pulled the tarp off to reveal various inventions lying on the cart. “The E.G.G Phase 2 Collection!” Fury and Hill stared blankly. “Right to the chase? Well okay then!” Eileen picked up a small box and dumped out a deck of cards.

“Now, I’ll bet you think that this is just an unassuming deck of cards, right? Well, you’re wrong!” Eileen took one card into her hand and pressed down on the center. The card then began to glow purple. “Each individual card is able to safely store away about a thousand kilojoules of kinetic energy, and…” She turned and threw it at the wall. The card exploded on impact. “Packs quite the punch! We call them our Mon Ami’s.” Hill and Fury didn’t even blink. Eileen frowned. “Tough crowd, huh? Well, I got just the thing…” She held up a purple blaster with a blue lightning bolt painted on it.

“Our latest in blaster development, Lightstream’s Kiss,” Hill raised her eyebrows. “Um, officially named by Captain Westbrook, has the ability to fire lightning strikes up 5000 amps. Not only does it have offensive capabilities, but is great for recharging any device in the event of a power outage.” Fury shifted in his seat and folded his arms. “Okay, I think you’ll like this next one.” Eileen picked up a small belt buckle with the Fantastic Four 4 logo on it. She attached it to her uniform belt and pressed it. Suddenly she covered in orange obsidian armor.

“We call it the All 4 One! With the number 4… get it?” Hill folded her arms. “Okay, well, this rock hard armor prevents gunfire, knife wounds, blast protection, almost as strong as the Thing himself!” She twisted the buckle 90 degrees and the armor disappeared, but he uniform caught fire. “It also has the capability to safely ignite your uniform…” She twisted it again and flame went out, but Eileen turned invisible. “Stealth mode…” She twisted it one more time, then stretched her arm across the room. “And can extent the fabric within the wearer’s clothes. And don’t be freaked out, this isn’t actually my arm, but the molecular manipulation required to pull this off is so complex that…” Fury cleared his throat. “Right, moving on.” She grabbed a golden eye mask with a red visor and put on.

“Ever wanted to shoot eyebeams?” She asked. She adjusted a dial on the side and pressed in, shooting a laser out of the visor and into the wall. “Achieved! This ruby quratz allows the thermal energy safe passage through our Eyeclops!” Hill exhaled and looked at her watch. Eileen took the Eyeclops off. “Seriously?” She whispered to herself. “Okay, well, remember that invention you asked for over a year ago Director Fury? The Bamf Vest? Well, we finally perfected it!” Eileen pulled a Bamf Vest on. “And now you can teleport long distances as well! We lost a few agents trying to perfect this aspect of the vest… but I assure you search and rescue missions are in progress. We just have to figure out where they ended up…” They both continued to stare at Eileen. She sighed.

“Alright, best for last…” She pulled a backpack on and clipped it together in the front. She pressed the circle on her chest, which had the Spider-Man symbol on it, and four mechanical spider legs emerged from her back. “Our Wall Crawlers! You can scale walls, attack enemies, even multitask in the kitchen with these babies!” She walked over to the wall and the legs began to climb. She reached the ceiling, took out Thwip Blaster, and lowered herself upside-down on a web. “Ta-da!”

“Is that it?” Fury asked. Eileen sighed and dropped to the ground, retracting the legs.

“Yeah, that’s all I got.” She said sadly.

“Alright. We’ll take it all.” Eileen looked up.

“Really?”

“Yes.” Fury replied as he and Hill got up to leave. “Good job Director Wuthrich. Take the teleporter to the S.W.O.R.D ground office and Agent Brand will take you to the Peak.” Eileen saluted.

“Yes sir!” She happily grabbed the cart and wheeled it out of the room.

In a flash of blue light, Eileen appeared inside of an office building on the docks with agents in green uniforms similar to Brands working at desks. Josh and Acacia excitedly stood up to greet her.

“Eileen!” Acacia exclaimed, hugging her. “How’d the weapons demonstration go?”

“Weapons dem- that was today?!” Josh asked.

“Yeah, you didn’t get the memo?” Eileen asked.

“… I seriously think S.H.I.E.L.D has the wrong email address, I never hear about any of these things!”

“Well, it could have gone better, but they liked everything we had!”

“Yes!” Acacia squealed. “Phase 2 was a success!”

“Excellent, we should start Phase 3 right away!” Josh said. “Don’t know how we’re gonna do it here though, this place is pitiful as far as bases go.”

“This isn’t the Peak.” Agent Brand said, approaching them. “Follow me.” They all followed brand into and elevator, which descended and let out inside of a large metal tube with seats and a control panel up front.

“Is this a submarine?” Josh asked. “Our new base is seriously a submarine!”

“No.” Brand replied. “Sit down, strap up.” They all took a seat and buckled their seatbelts as Brand sat up front and began pressing buttons.

“Maybe the base is underwater?” Acacia said. “We are on the coast line.”

“Right, because an underwater base is so much better than an underground base.” Josh said sarcastically. He folded his arms. “I want a base with flare! Attitude! Passion!”

“Blast off in ten.” Brand said. All three of them looked at her.

“Blast off?” They asked simultaneously.

“And… 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…” They all heard thrusters power up. “We have lift off.” The water outside of the office began to bubble, and soon a giant rocket emerged, launching into the sky. The rocket soared upwards at lightning fast speed, and in about a minute, it crossed the Earth’s atmosphere, and into outer space.

“Whoa…” Eileen and Josh said, pressing their faces against the window.

“Eh, seen it.” Acacia replied, sitting back in her seat. Suddenly she sat up and pointed. “But I never saw that!” They all looked to see a long prism shaped space station with a metal ring surrounding it. Brand smiled.

“That, is the Peak.” She said.

“Guys…” Josh said. “Our new base… is in space!”

“HEY-OOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!” They all cheered. Brand winced.

“Oh brother, can we contain the excitement until we land people?” She asked.

“Sorry Abbey.” Josh said. “But man… Space.”

In moments their ship docked in a hangar on the Peak and opened. The three friends rushed out and eagerly ran around the base. There were agents in green uniforms walking all around, managing various aspects of the massive space station.

“Welcome to S.W.O.R.D.” Brand said. “As I mentioned earlier, this is the Sentient World Observation and Response Department. It was created after the Skrull invasion to monitor extraterrestrial activity and make sure nothing like that ever happens again.”

“So early alien prevention?” Eileen asked.

“Prevention, contact, observation, response, anything that comes from space, we meet it, determine the threat level, and respond accordingly.”

“Sweet!” Acacia said.

“This way please.” Brand said. She led them down a corridor with glass walls.

“Whoa…” Josh said, looking at the Earth. “I think I can see my house my house from here!”

“You can see everyone’s house from here.” Acacia said. Josh turned to Brand.

“Hey, do we have to fly up here every time?”

“No. You can use the teleporter.” She said. “I just wanted you to see the view.” She led them across the long bridge and walked into a room, where Nick Fury waiting for them.

“Director Fury!” Eileen said. “Good to see you again.”

“Same.” Fury said. “I came to welcome you to your new base.”

“So we’re sharing with the S.W.O.R.D guys?” Josh asked.

“Actually,” Brand said. “We added a whole extension to the Peak just for you guys.”

“Ooh! Are we gonna get a new Mother Egg!”

“NO!” Fury nearly shouted. “I already told you you’re not getting another one of those things!”

“It was a long time ago!” Josh complained.

“Not for the families who lost agents.” Josh frowned.

“Why do you have to make everything so serious?” He mumbled.

“If we could continue.” Brand said. She walked through a door and into a brand new, larger, more technologically complex Inner Shell with all of the E.G.G agents already hard at work.

“Whaaaaaaaaaaaat!” Josh shouted, looking around.

“This is incredible!” Eileen exclaimed.

“I love it!” Acacia yelled.

“I think they like it.” Agent Rice said, approaching them in an E.G.G uniform.

“Yeah, I think they do.” Fury smiled. Josh’s jaw dropped.

“No…” He said. “No, no, no, no, NO! NO! NO! NOOOOOOO!!!!!! What the shell!!!!!! NO! Fury!!!!”

“Yes?”

“NO! Osborn was unacceptable, Collins was pushing it, but this… this is treachery! NO! I won’t allow it! I won’t!”

“You can’t do that.” Fury said.

“Eileen! Tell him no!”

“Umm… No?” Eileen said.

“Overruled.” Fury replied. Eileen shrugged.

“Sorry Josh.”

“You listen to me Agent Rice.” Josh growled.

“You can call me Kyle.” He said.

“No, I’m not going to do that. It doesn’t even sound right. Now, if you knew what was good for your health, you’d leave now, cause if you stay, I’ll make your life a personal living shell.”

“Oh, well I don’t want that.” Kyle said. “I guess I’ll leave then.”

“Good.”

“And take the Sing-A-Long Spidey with me.”

“Wait, what?”

“Oh, I picked this up on the way here.” Kyle said, taking out a box with a stuffed Spider-Man toy in it labeled ‘Sing-A-Long Spidey’.

“Sing-A-Long Spidey…” Josh said. “The ultimate Spider-Man toy for any girl or boy! He doesn’t just talk and tell jokes but he…”

“Sings and dances?” Kyle pressed the spider symbol on his chest, and Spider-Man began to sway back and forth.

“Spectacular, spectacular, Spider-Man!” He sang. “Come on kids! Sing a long!” Josh put arm around Kyle.

“Kyle.” He said, grabbing the toy. “Buddy! You know what, I always thought having a member of the Wolfpack in E.G.G would be a great addition to our ranks.” He held out his hand. “Welcome to the team buddy ‘ol pal! Home skillet! Ace boom coon with gravy on the side!”

“I had a feeling you’d change your mind.” Kyle said, shaking Josh’s hand. Josh hugged the toy. He looked to see Eileen and Acacia staring at him.

“He sings and dances.” Josh pointed out.

“Anyway…” Brand said.

“Right.” Eileen stated. “What else is new?”

“Oh, everything’s pretty much the same, but I think you’ll really like this.” They all walked up to a door labeled Humpty Dumpty Hall. They walked in to see a full blown laboratory.

“No way!” Eileen exclaimed.

“Complete with state of the art equipment and S.H.I.E.L.D’s top engineers.” Fury replied. “This should increase your productivity by at least 100 percent.”

“This looks like it could belong to Stark or Richards!” Acacia exclaimed.

“They donated some things.” Fury said.

“Awesome…” Josh dreamily sighed.

“Director Wuthrich,” Brand said, tapping Eileen. “The records are now kept in your Inventory, along with confidential files, schematics, anything that needs to be logged.” Brand led Eileen into the room labeled Inventory where Jake was organizing files. “This is your record keeper, you know him as Jake the Loser Librarian I’m told?”

“Hey!” Jake shouted, insulted.

“Oh, no. That’s just what Josh calls him.” Eileen said.

“Because that makes it so much better.” Jake replied sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

“You also know your new head nurse, Kristen Schroder.” Brand introduced as Kristen emerged from the hallway.

“Kristen!” Josh happily exclaimed.

“Hello Josh.” She said, smiling.

“How is our, um, special patient?”

“She’s here.” Kristen replied. “Follow me, she’s in the Medical Bay.” Josh followed Kristen down the hall to the Medical Bay. He entered to see the Enchantress lying on a bed, an oxygen mask attached to her mouth and multiple machines hooked up to her. Josh sighed.

“Nothing?” He asked Kristen.

“It seems like she’s in a comatose state,” Kristen said, looking at the monitor. “Her Asgardian physiology is making it very difficult to determine exactly how to treat her, but I think I’m doing a pretty good job. She seems to unintelligibly murmur at times. Best guess at what she’s trying to say is…”

“He is coming.” Josh finished. Kristen looked at him.

“Yeah, how’d you know that?”

“Because it’s the last thing she said to me before she went out.” Josh answered.

“Do you know who it is?”

“Dr. Doom, Loki, freaking Thanos, I have no clue. It could honestly be anybody.”

“Oh, well, I hope you figure it out.” Kristen said. Josh sighed.

“So do I.”

Acacia walked into the much larger Feeding Pen to find Celeste digging through the cookie jar.

“Young lady!” She exclaimed. Celeste dropped it and quickly turned.

“I was only gonna get one more! I swear! Please don’t tell Jocasta!” Celeste cried.

“Shouldn’t Jocasta already know?”

“Well, she hasn’t been fully installed yet. She can’t interface with the S.W.O.R.D network, it thinks she’s a virus. They’re working it out.”

“Oh, okay.” Acacia turned to leave, then stopped. “Oh ho, ho, you changed the subject real good on that one! Back away from the jar!” Celeste stepped back.

“I’m sorry.” She sheepishly replied.

“You’d better be!” Acacia slowly smiled. “Oh, I can’t stay mad at that cute face forever! Come here!” Celeste laughed and hugged Acacia.

“You’re the best Auntie Acacia! Ooh! Can Seth and Jerome come up here? They’d love to be in space!”

“Uh… we’ll see. I don’t know how Agent Brand would feel about a bunch of kids on her base.”

Eileen walked into the Inner Shell and was approached by Agent Becket.

“Hey,” she said. “Back from your suspension?”

“Yes ma’am.” He said. He inhaled. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry Director Wuthrich, and it won’t happen again.”

“Good to hear Agent Becket.” She said. “Especially seeing as how if you drill a hole in these walls, you’ll be sucked into space.” Agent Becket gulped.

“Right…” He said. Eileen nodded.

“Alright, back to work with you.” He saluted.

“Yes ma’am!” He turned and walked around the corner to Allyson, who gave him a thumbs up. He smiled and headed back to his duties.

Josh opened the door to the training room to see Agent Brand in training gear, kicking a punching bag.

“Whoa!” Josh said, as she turned around. “Forget Abbey, I’m thinking I should just call you Abs!”

“Cute.” She said.

“I know you are.” Josh replied with a smile. Brand sighed.

“If you’re trying to hit on me, not only is it unprofessional, but it’s not going to work.” Josh shrugged.

“Guy’s gotta try.” He said, as he left the room. Brand smiled and blushed, then continued to kick the bag. Suddenly Fury and Kyle rushed into the room.

“Agent Brand!” Fury called. “Where’s Westbrook?”

“He just left the room, why?” She asked.

“Alright,” he turned to Kyle. “You sure about this?”

“Positive.” Kyle replied.

“What’s going on?” Brand asked.

“Captain Westbrook is in serious trouble.” Fury replied.

Acacia knocked twice on Eileen’s door and walked in.

“Hey, hey.” She said, dropping the box of wallpaper on Eileen’s bed.

“Um, hey.” Eileen said. She pointed to the box. “Why?”

“Well, next time you decide to hide something in the wall…” Acacia moved the wallpaper and pulled out the vial of Extremis 3.0. Eileen gasped. “You may want to make sure you take it with you.”

“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” Eileen said, hugging Acacia. “I completely forgot!”

“You’re welcome.” She said. “Where’s James?”

“On his way.” Eileen replied. “Since he decided to stay in this time period, S.H.I.E.L.D’s helping create, well, an identity.”

“Oh, well that’s good.” Acacia replied.

“Yep.” Eileen tucked the vial into her top drawer. “I’ll get safe for that later. Come on.” They two walked into the Inner Shell, where Josh was looking out the window at the view.

“Space.” He said.

“Yep.” Eileen agreed.

“Coolest base ever.” Acacia stated.

“Guys,” Josh said. “Villains are down, gadgets are up, and we’re living large! All in all, I think this a new high for E.G.G!” Suddenly Kyle slammed Josh against the wall and trapped him in handcuffs. Eileen and Acacia shrieked and jumped back. “Ah! Hey, hey! What are you doing!”

“Joshua Westbrook.” Nick Fury said. “By order of S.H.I.E.L.D, you are under arrest.”

TO BE CONTINUED TOMORROW IN THE FIRST EVER EPISODE OF THE ALL NEW SERIES...

E.G.G is back and Season 4 is in full swing! I'll see you guys tomorrow for Masters of Doom! And stay tuned for more announcements, content, and E.G.G fun!