Egocentric

Jude was the only man I gave my all to though i had a relationship with Emeka before we met but my affair with Emeka was quite different from what I shared with Jude. You see, Emeka was my childhood friend though he is five years older than me but he was close to my family and our families did lots of things together, his mum always called me my son's wife whenever she saw me perhaps that was how my feelings for him started then during my final year at the secondary school, he told me how he wanted me to choose Federal university of science and his reason was that we would be together in school.

He was in the fourth year studying medicine when I gained admission to study medicine too. My father handed me over to him, unlike so many fathers he never for once doubted Emeka's protective might so he suggested that I live off campus because Emeka stayed in one bedroom self contained; Isn't this a scenario of a lamb being led to a lion by the ram but what you are thinking now is not what happened because Emeka simply became a big brother and he respected my privacy. Infact I could remember one occasion when he returned back from lectures and walked into me naked, I was all smiles when I saw him but he simply walked back and closed the door.

We became closer with each other and as far as I can say, he was the kind of guy I want to get married to. He was homely, caring, honest, supportive, neat, calm, understanding, accommodating, humble, smart, polite, generous, easy going, down to earth, hardworking and he can cook. We actually became very close with each other as his days to graduate started counting and by the time he graduated, hell no we needed to engage before he jet out to further his studies in England. Anyway he didn't want it that way though he assured me that he would be back for me but ten years passed so quick.

We kept in touch with each other but somehow lost touch then reconnected again and as fate may have it. I got to know about his wedding through his younger sister Chidera and when I confronted him, he told me that he didn't know how to tell me about the whole thing because he felt that I would be hurt, my heart broke but time they say heal and time actually healed me. Jude knew about Emeka because I told him about the man who would have done it but it wasn't meant for him perhaps that was why he rushed to marry me because he told me that his prayer has been to marry a virgin.

Ours was nothing but a romance made in Heaven but although I was happy with Jude, there was this part of me that truly longed for Emeka. You know there is something about first love. He was my first love and he taught me so many things so it was hard for me to truly let go of him. Then somehow we reconnected and he was going to visit during Christmas.

One of the greatest moments of my life was actually the day I saw Emeka. Oh my gosh he looked so sweet and more handsome than he looked in his pictures but that was it, I had no attachment or whatsoever about my feelings for him. Anyone who felt loved at a tender age and it was your first will understand exactly how I felt because irrespective of the lives we had, he remained so so so special to me and I am sure that he felt the same way for me because just like he told me in one of our correspondence that he would lift me up the day we will see each other.

He actually did and it was bridal style.

'Oh my Emeka I said to him; I am jealous of your wife'.

He asked me about my husband and was surprised that he didn't come with me, he actually bought him some suit and shoes but the truth is that I didn't tell Jude that I was in contact with him. I saw the way he looked at me when I told him that I don't want a station where my husband would begin to feel otherwise but he insisted on meeting him, he even called him King because to him, he got a Queen for a wife. I agreed to bring Jude when next I visit and that was it.

The entire period Emeka spent in Nigeria was actually dedicated to me and I told my husband everything though he didn't feel too comfortable about the whole thing but somehow, he managed to digest the fact that we need Emeka because he had a good business plan perhaps that was actually what changed his mind. I was open and honest to him after all, he married me a virgin so if I didn't mess around as a single girl, would I now mess around when I have a man's integrity to protect and two children that look upto me?

Emeka wanted to build a hospital and Jude happened to be a building contractor and Emeka told me that Jude had already gotten the contract and will also take up his four other building projects which comprised of a shopping mall, residential estate of one hundred units of three bedroom bungalows, school blocks and the remodeling of his father's house. These projects ran into millions of naira and Jude got the contract simply because we are family according to Emeka.

The day before he was to travel back to England was a glamorous one because it was my birthday so he decided to throw a small party for me. We invited couple of friends and relatives. Jude was all over me throughout the party. Eh! he felt a little insecured but it's natural though he kept the party lively with his silly jokes and even got Emeka clapping. However, the heart of men can be deceptive.

Emeka traveled back to England and as arranged, he wired the fund for the execution of the first project and my husband was so happy. I was happy too because something good finally came out from our association. We talked almost every day and one thing I realized about Emeka was that he still loved me dearly, he shared everything with me, you know the kind of things that you share only with close relatives and it thrilled me so much that after all these years and the fact that we ended in different places yet he still trusted me and above all, he just wanted me to be happy.

I am happily married ofcourse and we don't lack anything but Emeka wanted us to climb few more steps so he linked Jude to a handful of his friends and each friend meant one project so Jude who was always busy got busier and you know what that means, don't you? He completed the remodelling of Emeka's father's house two months before the proposed date and Emeka was so happy about it and it means that the shopping mall and Estate projects would commence earlier than the scheduled time.

Emeka told me about that and I never knew that he hadn't informed Jude about his plans so that evening while we were having dinner, I asked him how he intended to go about the projects and was shocked when he asked me which projects because he ought to have known but he was in the dark and I saw the way he looked at me when I told him that Emeka informed me that they would start up the bigger projects earlier than scheduled. Honestly, even if he heard it from me, he wasn't suppose to react the way he did, I mean Jude had never risen his voice at me even when were courting.

What do you mean by that? I asked when he bluntly told me that I have to mind the lines.

Which lines if I may ask?

I have no skeleton in my cupboard and the last thing on my mind was to sleep with Emeka. Why should I do that? Besides Emeka is principled. Infact, he jokingly told me one time that he would have considered me a side chick if I wasn't married but that was simply a joke and I told Jude about it so his reaction got me pissed. I have never imagined cheating on him with any man because I know the consequences of such but throwing all he threw out meant that he never trusted me. If he suspected that there was something I wasn't telling him then why did he accept the contracts?

Is it because of the money?

I knew that I needed to get him in line since he mentioned line so I tried talking him to understanding but he had already made up his mind about me and Emeka, he felt that something was going on. The next few days was hell in the house and initially, I wanted to inform Emeka about the whole thing because when he had issues with his wife about a certain nurse, he confided in me and I advised him on how to go about it but on a second thought I felt that I could handle the situation. Two weeks of silence was enough to kill me because Jude became cold.

He was watching the television when I came back from work so I quickly tidied myself and joined him in the sitting room to talk things over but what happened the moment I called for his attention left me speechless. My own husband scolded me as if he was scolding our four years old daughter. And it broke my heart but one thing came to my head as I sat hearing his voice rose at every word he said.

One of the virtues of a good wife is loyalty, a wife is expected to be loyal to her husband to the core. There is no way a woman can challenge a man, he didn't make it that way so forget femisim this or that. I am equally an advocate of peace so for peace to reign especially in marriage/ home, the two pilots don't have to be mad at the same time so as a co-pilot what I did when the chief pilot started displaying the little him was to guard what I say and how I react to his utterances. Jude accused me of having an affair with Emeka.

Life can be funny atimes because I thought that I knew this man but honestly, there is a demon in him which I didn't know until the day he scolded me. Everything about him changed from that day although he had been playing silent but after that incident, my husband became a different man. He stopped eating the meals I prepared for him and that tortured me and hurt me to my spine. Infact, I regretted listening to Emeka because if I hadn't introduced him to Jude and simply kept my cordial relationship with him, all these would never come up.

I suffered in silence but patience is the greatest virtue. Because at the appointed time, Jude got tired of the situation. Apparently, he was expecting Emeka to ask him about the situation but as days turned months and the question or intervention didn't come, he came back to his senses. Though his condition for peace to reign was a tough one but I was armed from the onset because my mother told me not to expect a marriage made in Heaven because that kind of marriage exist only in the movies.

His words were harsh and the condition disastrous; how on earth would I stop communicating with Emeka?

His problem varies, although convinced that i wasn't sleeping with Emeka. However, he felt that i spent more time chatting with Emeka on the phone, he felt that I paid more attention to him but trust me, that's no excuse because at my age and my status as a mother and wife, my family comes first. I might have a very soft spot for Emeka but I wasn't carried away. How to explain the situation to Emeka became a big challenge but I needed to obey my husband so I deviced a good way to handle the situation so that Emeka won't feel bad and I don't want a situation where he will withdraw his business deals and the blame will be on me.

Jude was shocked that after two months, Emeka didn't question him or bring up the issue so to him, he felt that I was still in contact with Emeka. Things were actually back to normal but he still harboured lots of doubts and this became evident when he picked up my cell phone and started going through my chats.

When I looked at him that morning, I came to terms that he was simply out of his senses because he forgot that God created Adam from sand but Eve from Adam's ribs and this doubles a wife's organizational skill. Men always believe that they know it all so if you actually want to be a wife be a wise one because that's what I became.

There is a big difference between being smart and forming smart and also a big difference in deceiving your spouse, lying to his detriment and lying to keep your home peaceful but before you throw jabs at me, remember 1 Cor. 9.19-23. Here Apostle Paul did whatever he deemed fit in order to save souls by every means possible all for the sake of the gospel. I am a modest believer so realising the implications of what Jude asked me to do and the fact that there is no way I would stop communicating with Emeka, I simply did what everyone in my situation would do.

Blessed is the peace maker for he shall be called the child of God. Imagine how Emeka would feel should he ever know that Jude at a point suspected that he was dating me. It would not only deter his relationship with him but would remain a big defamation of his person. And I don't want such situation so I got myself a new set of handset which I kept far away from my husband and the fact that he wasn't always around made it possible for me to manage the situation without hurting him because I know what would happen if he ever get to know that I have another cell phone which I kept away from him.

I have nothing to hide because whatever I discussed with Emeka was about our families though I somehow lied to him about the reason for the new phone. I told him that there were things I needed to keep away from Jude because he is becoming too egocentric though he didn't dig to find out whatever it was but he understood that he mustn't let Jude know that I have a second line. With this tactics, I was able to keep my husband behind the lines he warned me to watch and had peace all over our home.

Am I proud of what I did? Well, it depends on how you see it. But have a look at this Bible verse because it justifies my action.

For if the truth of God hath more abounded through my lie unto his glory; why yet am I also judged as a sinner?" (Rom. 3.7)

Why would you consider me a sinner for lying to keep my marriage and to checkmate my hubby who falsely accused me of something I didn't do and would never do? Which one is better? To wallow in grief and play saint or to be happy by killing his insecurity? It doesn't matter what you do to keep your home and family safe, what matters is that they are safe and that's what being a virtuous woman is all about. The virtuous woman of Proverbs 31 isn't a wonder woman rather the woman who knows her husband and does him no harm.

Don't ever lie to someone you love to protect his feelings but take a look at what happened at the garden of Eden; Eve never lied to Adam or deceived him to eat the apple rather out of sincerity and abundance of love, she offered him the apple because she wanted him to be wise and see things from a different point of view. Isn't it better for Jude to stay in line than becoming my nightmare?

The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.

Be wise, don't wallow in grief when the stake is high.