Eight Ways of Proving That You Definitely Need Some Help

If at this time that life finds you so lonely that a stray dog poses more happiness for you and if at this time, life finds you so depressed that no psychotherapist, no matter how many degrees that they have hanging on their walls, all quickly say NO, when asked if you would let them find out why no one has ever liked you.

no way off painting you as a freak, stalker, or dangerous person. Personally, and like this is just my opinion, but you are not the only person who is (right now) living like this, so I also think that the problem with you is either something you do around people offs them or people as a rule simply do not like you. I would like to think it’s the first thing about “something” you do that keeps people from being friendly with you.

If you are currently doing one or more of the following things, I would tell you as a purely Amateur Psychiatrist, you have some sort of dysfunction:

1.) You sit in total darkness alone at you home and listen to “I’m So Lonely, I Could Cry,” by Hank Williams, Sr.

2.) You go out on weekends and find those dangerous, deathly alleyways and find those hoodlums who love to beat (people like you) to a pulp just for kicks.

3.) You run barefoot in any interstate highway daring diesel rigs and other vehicles to hit you.

yet, my friend. The first three Behavioral Tips were merely tests to see how you would react. You will see before you Eight Ways of Proving That You Definitely Need Some Help! Please read each piece of advice and do take them to heart.

8.) When You Are Invited – to attend a small, friendly party where your co-workers and college friends will be getting together and the first time you see “Jenny Wilson,” your old flame when you were a senior in college, but things didn’t work-out for you because then as now you walk over to “Jenny,” and tell her how nice it is to see her, she screams as if you are “Jason Voorhees,” about to take her head off—my friend, you need a Psychotherapist and now!

7.) Two People in Your Office – are having lunch in your break room and somehow, you sit down near them, smile really big, and begin talking about “The Secret Life of Horseflies,” and the two co-workers frown, look confused and get lost.

6.) You Love Community Theater – so much that you have tried-out for six plays and never had a call back. What’s so mysterious is that the six roles that you DID NOT get were all animal characters--”Henry Hound Dog,” “Bill, the Bull” and “Gilbert Goat.” The other three roles were that of being a part of the sets behind some productions. You went to auditions to be an Oak Tree, a Grape Vine and a Piece of Lumber laying on the ground.

5.) Your Boss, Usually a Big-Hearted – fellow, always comes into the office with a huge smile and he is laughing and waving at the office staff, but the very minute that he gets into his office, your name is the first one he calls to his office and it’s always the same thing: He needs you to practice being fired for no reason.

4.) Your Happy Marriage of Six Years – is on shaky ground. You cannot get past this dismal time in your life because each week that comes, your wife leaves on Monday, Thursday, and the entire weekend to meet with her long lost brother who she and her family thought that he was M.I.A. in Grenada and she spends her time now-a-days catching up with him, but you are a crafty man because you spent $1,000.00 for the services of a Private Eye and within two days, he found out that your wife was an only child.

3.) At Your Last Christmas – reunion with what few of your relatives will still speak to you, “Aunt Sissy,” who loved you like your mom, got you a nice Christmas present to make you happy. Your aunt gave you a pretty parakeet inside a nice cage. Upon getting the cage and parakeet in your two hands, the parakeet suddenly died and “Aunt Sissy” now despises you.

2.) Last Week Before Work Began – in your office, your best buddy, “Tom Wilkinson,” who was up to now a level-headed guy, asked you to do an impression of Humphrey Bogart and you killed it when you did Jack Benny to the four co-workers who all looked shocked.

1.) When You Parked Your Car – last evening after work and you were headed to the elevator to take you up to your apartment, a mugger jumped out with a gun in one hand and a knife in the other hand. You put your hands up quickly. Then the mugger broke down in tears and went down to the ground sobbing like a little girl because, as he said, someone with your type of personality deserves something and he handed you a dollar bill.

This proves one thing: when chaos and pandemonium are all about you every day, even the smallest portion of good can mean the most. And if you can discern what I have just said then you are not in such bad shape as you originally thought.

August 31, 2018__________________________________________