Elizabeth, Lost and Found
When I was a kid, I had a remote control helicopter. Flying the copter was amazing. It was like meditating. Still, today, when I close my eyes, I see the copter moving forward cutting through the air. The scene is still fresh in my memory. It takes away all of my pain but happiness is temporary.
Life was fun, but it would have even better if I could manage to fly on my own. As I grew up, I realised we don’t need wings to fly. It was our flesh that doesn’t allow us to travel through the air. I have to get rid of my body to make a flight. Astral projection is difficult but dying is worth trying. Finally, I was happy again because I found a purpose to get rid of my animal body.
***
There was one more reason for my happiness. Along with the moonrise, in the drunkenness of night, with a graven kiss and a romantic fight, finally Elizabeth came in my life. She was an elegant angel of sin, a lady with milky white skin. Slowly I started to drown into her moody curves, with lusty dreams and cruel thirst.
Sooner it became a habit for me to being with her, within her. Eli used to keep silent most of the time but her moaning was a distant violin. Her lady part was like strings. The more it stretched, the higher sound she made. She also used to talk to me with leaning eyes. It made her more attractive. With falling swirls, rosy lips, and seductive vibes she could turn saints into sinners in to time. I never thought that I would ever call her busty and bouncy body mine. But somehow she managed to corrupt my mind.
She was like a fairy that we read in Arabian nights, the witch who believe in God and holy fights. Experiencing a part of me inside her body was amazing. It was pleasure and painkilling. Just like an insane, I used to rove my hands on her body. My mouth hunted for her lips, nipples and clitoris. She used to suck my dick like it was hers and I deserve all the delight on earth so that she would do all the hard work tonight. In an event like this one day, I saw her sharp white teeth shining behind her juicy crimson lips.
All I have ever wanted in life was to fuck Eli morning to night. It was like travelling the world and the seven seas, walking on the clouds and celebrating Christmas in Halloween. I dreamt of living in her arms, in her memories and her eyes. But my villagers never liked her just because she burned a church including three nuns alive.
“I Nahabina, take thee, Elizabeth, to be my widowed wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for annihilation for doom, for nymphomaniac tendencies or bipolarity, in asylum and in rehab, in Auschwitz or in Nagasaki, to sacrifice animals and to dance naked in the woods, till unconsciousness do us part, according to Asmodeus's unholy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my sarcastic troth.”
Things were good but only for a while. But in the end, marriage is a knife on your neckline. I knew that god the father was always right; one should avoid the temptation of the forbidden bite. Slowly Elizabeth started to be possessed by a demon. Frequent mood swings and depression were few of her early signs. Later she became a patient of epilepsy, and the sudden surge of electrical activity in her brain started to disturb her mind. Elizabeth also became allergic to holy objects. Eating ants and cockroaches was her favourite pastime. However, she stopped eating human foods and lost half of her weight in a short period. After a few events of mutilation and self-harming, at the age of 29, Elizabeth died.
It was hard to avoid the temptation of sexcraft, witches, love and demonic possession. But I never tried to hold back myself. I was happy when we got married. I am still happy to acknowledge that I am a bit depressed because Eli is no longer with me. I have suicidal thoughts, hear voices, I can't sleep at night, I experience the activity of invisible beings and feel the urge to do things that society does not permit.
I have become a monk by soul, dead by heart, a philosopher by intelligence, libidinous by desire, cripple by mind. I am the child of the night, a man of darkness, the shadow of your faded cast, the reality of your nightmare, the result of your sins, my own master, own slave, own god, own fiend, a lover in the bed and the ghost in your head. It's hard to define who I really am. The soreness of aching sex, lubrication undone, eerie infection and your mental condition.
***
My reincarnation vision ends with the hissing of an amorous serpent. The black clouds of death started to roll overhead. And then this is what I yelled
Forgive me, father, for I have sinned
I have raped the animal queen in my dream
Finally, the sickness came out my head
When I slit my cock with a blade
Baptise me lord abortion, make me a living dead
My mother has some secrets that I have to protect
I grew up among sluts, sons and fathers
A place without intelligence, a slaughterhouse of embryonic cells
Rest your head, Eli, please don’t cry
Someday we will find the peace of mind
In the garden of hemlock, death sang a lullaby
Fulfil my last wish bury me alive
The helicopter of my childhood memory is still flying in the sky. But who’s controlling?
