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Eric’s Analisa

Updated on November 13, 2019
Ericdierker profile image

I like to come at things from a different angle. Usually if we take some words and apply them to ourselves we can then apply to the world.

A Walk Along A Park

Now where is that bench?
Now where is that bench? | Source

On The Dock of The Bay

I heard of a Challenge

I like a good challenge. And I heard tell of this one. Reckon I liked it.

Trouble Comes Our Way

When we really love someone we find they change the color of the sky. And course that reflects on the moon and the trees and us. Still undeclared love. A casual relationship that I am sure was going somewhere. She was my lawyer, she did a great job as I still get to meet her on our favorite bench overlooking the deep waters of Lake Michigan.

She is a beauty beyond the stars. Green eyes and a body made perfect, not skinny and not fat. This middle aged guy’s face might scare a child unless I smile. I don’t work steady and she has a great job in a law firm.

At 18 I joined up. By 24, Special Forces, by 32 retired from the forces. Being a mercenary for hire just seemed like the next step. Work sporadic but pay reflected the danger in a good way. I had a small apartment but a cabin up the way in the woods. She promised that someday she would go with me there and ski and ice fish. Never had a visitor there. I already gave her huge fur mittens and some awesome fur snow boots.

I admit I took a special shower, brushed up my teeth with some missing. Had a hair cut. Pressed my shirt and paid attention to walk at attention. My light brown Duster hat was just a bit askew more over my right eye. Just as I saw her I paid some time stopping an old lady and helping her walk across some ice on the boardwalk. Not angelic, just to impress Analisa with her heart of gold.

Oh my heart leapt out of my dark green down coat. She had on the boots and mittens with her long warm trench coat of gray. Yet I approached with concern. Analisa sat alone on the park bench, the scowl on her face as dark as the gathering thunderclouds. Of course I thought it was all about me. I did a run and slide on the snow and pretended to fall right in front of her. That always makes a person giggle.

I went immediately to her and sat with a right arm gentle hug. And then sat quiet. She would talk if she wanted to. I of course I saw a travel bag next to her. Some concern there.

So then she spoke. “I shot and killed my boss as he was trying to rape me”.

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    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      17 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Lori I thank you. In the last year or so, I have now done some flash fiction, about 6 kinds of poetry which in no way did I think I could. So I am working on this for a novel. (did you know the under building utility tunnels carry water right next to electricity -- Oops I said too much)

    • lambservant profile image

      Lori Colbo 

      17 months ago from United States

      Wow. Blindsided with that ending. Eric, I don't know if you are the book writing kind, but that would make a great novel. You done well, Dude.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      17 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Hey, my buddy Manatita. (First know that I pray for your eyesight every day)

      You know you are the one that inspired this. I am grateful. It is now over 4,000 words long. I am remaining me and now it is Anny.

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 

      17 months ago from london

      So the first thing of note was the sweet kid looking for the bench in the park. Cute!

      Now you have done an excellent job and your ending is like mines ... sugarcane juice. Lol.

      I rather liked the idea that you brought in Liz's supreme start in the middle, like me.

      Now we say that Jesus is the only way. But I see that diversity, like now in you Fan Fiction, is such a beautiful dream of God. Glory be!

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      17 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      The Triad gangs, the mob and the homeless crew will step up.

    • PAINTDRIPS profile image

      Denise McGill 

      17 months ago from Fresno CA

      What an amazing opening! I'm intrigued.

      Blessings,

      Denise

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      17 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Ah Nell wait 'til you see these two trekking down a snow covered hill in the woods with snowshoes falling down and laughing. Their ride has just begun.

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 

      17 months ago from England

      Wow, didn't see that coming! Great flash fiction Eric!

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      17 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Nikki the bench will be revisited. Cold waters run still. Thanks.

    • nikkikhan10 profile image

      Nikki Khan 

      17 months ago from London

      I loved the line Eric, ‘now where is that bench’. Lol. What an ending. Looking for more to come. Keep writing my friend.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      17 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Thank you Marlene. We shall see.

    • MarleneB profile image

      Marlene Bertrand 

      17 months ago from USA

      Shocking ending. Perfect for a sequel. Hint, hint!

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      17 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Flourish. The story is now getting way too long. I will work on taking in down a notch. But she is now Anny and blonde.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      17 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Shannon the meet with O'Keefe will be at the same bench. She is the councilwoman taking the bribe.

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 

      17 months ago from USA

      Whoa! Eric you’re a great creative writer. You need to do more of this.

    • shanmarie profile image

      Shannon Henry 

      17 months ago from Texas

      Now you're just a big tease. LOL

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      17 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Shannon I wonder if they will run to hide. And then come back to....

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      17 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Thank you Dora -- more will be revealed.

    • shanmarie profile image

      Shannon Henry 

      17 months ago from Texas

      Well. That was a surprise ending, especially coming from you! I don't think I've ever read a single thing from you with dark undertones. But now what happens? You left me wondering if the two of them end up running away together or if she goes to jail? Maybe she leaves alone.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 

      17 months ago from The Caribbean

      What a shock ending! Were you able to fulfill your dreams? Good read.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      17 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Thanks Linda I really liked doing it.

    • Carb Diva profile image

      Linda Lum 

      17 months ago from Washington State, USA

      Wow Eric, talk about a surprise ending! You took that challenge and ran the 4-minute mile.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      17 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      I like that Clive, yes she should be called Anny.

    • clivewilliams profile image

      Clive Williams 

      17 months ago from Jamaica

      Eric...aint you Mr Smooth. But sorry I got Anny right here.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      17 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      John this was cool as it made me pick up the pace. Pull out extra sentences and take it easy.

      If my younger daughter did not make me work on a children's book more would be revealed.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      17 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Ruby can you imagine all the women in trouble for saving themselves? Inspired by true events as my mom the nurse and I ran an underground to get women across state lines. Another story or perhaps a continuation.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 

      17 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Nope, Eric, that’s not cheating I have done the same at times.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      17 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Wow, I didn't see this coming. You met the challenge head - on and ended with a surprise twist. Well done my friend!

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      17 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      John any comment from you I call praise in that you notice. This was a chapter in something I am working on. It was easy to change from Erin to Analisa. Is that cheating? ;-)

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      17 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Pamela I thank you. Two friends suggested the same. I can hear the sirens in the background!

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 

      17 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Wow! That ending sure came out of leafy field. Great job with this piece of flash fiction which more than met the challenge.

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 

      17 months ago from Sunny Florida

      I think you met the challenge with a good story that could easily use the next chapter. I enjoyed reading this short story, Eric.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      17 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Thanks Bill. I will be thinking about her.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      17 months ago from Olympia, WA

      I've heard a lot about this woman lately. I feel like i know her. If I was still a teen I'd be fantasizing about her at this point. :) Good job, buddy!

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