Evasion

I was not made to be fully understood, not by man or by woman. I do not fit in with the women of this world. I care nothing for what most deem as important.

Tho few ever really lose me, I was not created to be possessed or so it would seem. As it stands, I do not desire to be possessed. I do not pretend to know the future. My spirit calls your attention. It makes beauty shine thru a shell that does not fit societies view of beauty. I pour out love freely to those around me. It challenges your thoughts. Humanities limits cause you to doubt my intentions. Do I seek your friendship? Do I seek your passion? Do I want to use you? I must want something. This world only knows unconditional love without expectation when it is directed to children and in some cases even that fades with time. How can I really want to shower my affection and love to friends? I must want something more. There must be an agenda, a hidden desire. For how can I spend so much time, whether hours or days, with someone and not want more than what I have? It is difficult to understand.

My legacy is to love. I know the many levels of love and have been put on the path to experience every level, most of which do not involve intimacy. I do not belittle the word. I do not throw it around and scatter it carelessly like confetti. I don't even have to say it. It is felt like heat radiating from within me. It is seen in my actions. It scares some. The few that I would adopt as lovers may not have me for long. I am not a guarantee. Few can see me as I truly am. Few were designed to accept the lack of urgency and stress. Humanity is fueled and thrives off of dramatics. I was created differently. Its as if the elements were given a chance to take on a human form, temporarily. I pour into you without fear. I rain down and explore you. I don't fear limited time or hurt. I don't fear your judgement. I am completely free. I fade in and suddenly appear like a storm. I allow passion to light up the sky like lightning. I take all the time you are able to give. Time with me flows as naturally as a kite being pulled by the wind. I embrace you as you are. I dive into learning you. I seek to inspire without the futile human desire to change you. I am uninhibited. I bask in your company and let it warm me like I would in the sun. Attempt to forcibly tighten your grip around me and I will flow thru your fingers like water or wind. Lose sight of the present to worry about an uncertain future and I begin to fade. Limit yourself from me or deliberately fight against the natural flow and I will evaporate as quickly as the evidence of rain does on a sunny day. Allow doubt and fear to force distance and the wind will carry me away from you. There is no hurt and no dramatic end. Fade in, fade out. Appear and dissipate. No regret, no remorse, no awkwardness. A season, a chapter, a saga, an era. They begin and they end, naturally and peacefully and still a part that never fades. I have been the learning experience. I have been the one that got away. I have been the burning question. I have not been the destroyer of the heart. I have not been the biggest regret. I will never be on the long list of normal situations and sad outcomes.

No, be it by friend or by lover, I will never be fully understood nor do I need to be. People will stumble through my life and doubt and wonder. They will continue to bring me close and distance themselves. They will test and question. As always, I will delight in the fact that they never truly let go of me. I am the constant and that is a blessing. Perhaps that is the reason that I have no intention and no secret burning desire. The caring and affection given to me, tho on different levels is never taken from me. Can you imagine the amount of love that equates to? Can you fathom the endless supply. I have no need to find what I have in abundance. I am far more fortunate and blessed than the poor soul who only seeks the fleeting love that comes from relationships and lust. The gifts of love and loyalty bestowed upon me with out having asked for it is like a crown that I wear proudly. The satisfaction flows freely through me daily. I am amazed and full of endless gratitude. I am faithful to my own nature. I understand. It's thru connection that I live and thrive tho I may never again know the depths I once came close to knowing (to be seen clearly and accepted).