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Excerpt from Smurfette’s Diary.
You know it is so hard being the only vivacious girl smurf in the village, I vividly dream of a precious day when I can talk girl to girl to another smurfette. No one around here understands what it is like to shed blood once a month and still keep your mannerisms about you. Every day I get up brush my tongue with special listermint disinfectant and iron my eyelet frosted white baby doll dresses. Then there is the shoes, why can I at least have colorful shoes?
With them being so snow white I have to remove the scuffs from them daily with a white scuff eraser. Yuck, it is so boring, just plain icing white pumps with no bling bling on them. We all need a little star sparkle besides what lies in your eyes. My eyelashes need combed with a special eyelash beautifier, hard to find with Garamel guarding all the local shopping centers. Vanity smurf does an okay job on my golden ash blonde hair coloring, but let’s face it I think he has a thing for Jokey smurf. With that being said, he doesn’t pay attention to the coloring perfection of my hair if Jokey walks by. To straighten it, oh girl let’s talk, I have to use a special flower serum Papa makes for me, then it is silky smooth. I would do anything, like a dog would for a treat, just for a slide of eye from Hefty.
Hefty is so much like Tiffany Jewelry, beautiful to look at but you just can’t find a way to obtain it. In a twitch of a eyelash, I would marry him. Then there are my other soers, the thought of one of them is like Asreal’s breath after eating tuna, um plain disgusting.
Dear lord of smurfs, please send me a sister smurfette.