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Eyes Wide Open, by T Mickens
I am tired! So very tired! Emotionally, mentally, physically, i am tired. Physically people tell me that i look younger than i am, that is until they get a glimpse of my hair. It is tired too! You can tell that by all the grey up there. My relatives tell me that my greying hair is genetic and that I inherited it from my father. That sounds good, but the fact remains that my hair is tired too! Every now and then I feel energetic, but those days occur more and more infrequently. And usually I experience this false feeling because i'm medicated. Just between you and me, i like Budweiser and prescription pills. Somedays they make me forget that i am tired. But don't tell anyone my secret; they might think that i am an addict.
Today I am extra tired because i have run out of pills. My body aches and my mind races, making me more tired. I have a lovely daughter and a beautiful wife, but they make me tired as well. I worry about whether my wife still loves me like she did when we first met, or does she despise me for not being a better husband, and a better provider. I get tired wondering if she regrets jumping the broom with me. I am tired. I don't like to think these thoughts, but i am out of pills.
I get really tired when I think of my daughter, Nevaeh's future. Pretty name right? It's heaven spelled backwards. I get tired when I think about her future, her education, her future choice in men. You might ask yourself why do I let theses thoughts engulf my mind and tire me, when Nevaeh is only two years old? I don't exactly know, but it does have something to do with our present circumstances. See we live in the ghetto, a fact that really makes me tired. Everybody here seems screwed up! One day we are all friends, and the next day we're fighting over some dumb he say/she say nonsense. It makes me tired. The other day I was at the train station and I witnessed a guy assaulting his girlfriend really bad. The girlfriend was young and pretty like my Nevaeh. Helplessly I watched the creep drag her down the platform stairs while she begged him for mercy. I wanted to get involved because she was pretty like my Nevaeh but I couldn't because I was tired, and I was out of pills.
The apartment where we live at makes me tired as hell. Although most days we keep it spotless and clean, there are days when it gets untidy. I try to keep it clean but some days I'm just too tired. The apartment has one bedroom and there are three of us. To say that we are cramped would be a major understatement. On some days it seems as if the walls are closing in on us and i'm so tired! Nevaeh's toys,her table set,her big wheel,her scooter, etc., all take up a lot of space. We, meaning the wife and me, say that we are not going to buy her anything else, but we do. We don't want her to feel poor or underprivileged. So we sacrifice and buy things Nevaeh doesn't really need, in an effort to mask our poverty. Damn i'm tired! I need a pill or a nap.
I must have dozed off because it's dark as hell in this room. I was really tired. Damn i'm so thirsty, I need a Budweiser. As my senses sharpen I realize that the bed that i'm laying in is not mines. My bed is hard and lumpy. This bed is soft, it feels like i'm laying on top of a cloud. Reminds me of the time the wife and me were out shopping at the mall. While we window shopped we spotted a mattress store. Being that I was tired of our old mattress we decided to see how much it would cost to replace our hard lumpy mattress. Inside the store I laid down on a temper -pedric mattress. Damn it felt so good that I almost went to sleep right there, because you know I was tired, i'm always tired. But my short much needed nap was interrupted by a sales associate.
" Feels good doesn't it?" he said smiling.
"Sure does," I replied. "How much does one of these costs?"
"Well that one runs for about four thousand dollars," he replied.
I really got tired then. I got up and we left the store in a hurry. Now here I was laying on a similar mattress and I had no idea where I was at. I remember taking a nap because I had no pills or Budweiser, and I was tired. So where the hell was I at now? While I pondered on this, i realized with a start, that I wasn't tired anymore. As I began to get up and find out where the hell I was, the door opened. A middle aged black man in a suit entered the room and drew back the drapes. Suddenly the room was flooded with light.
"Good morning sir, time to rise and shine, you have a very busy day ahead of you," the man said, continuing to draw back all the drapes.
I wanted to speak but I was flabbergasted by the size and opulence of the room. The suite was tastefully decorated in extravagant Victorian furniture, ottomans,lamps, sculptures, expensive looking paintings, and a white carpet that looked like it would be a sin to walk on.
"Will you be dining in bed or in the dining room sir?" the man asked.
"Where the hell am I?" I asked, while sitting up.
"I beg your pardon sir" the man replied, eyeing me funny.
"I asked you where the hell am I?"
"Are you feeling okay sir," he asked peering at me closely.
"I feel great, not tired or anything. But I want to know where the hell I am, and who the hell are you?" I said.
Continuing to peer at me closely, the man looked taken aback.
"Sir would you like me to summon the doctor?" he asked.
"No! I'd like you to answer my questions."
"Well you are in one of your penthouses in New York sir, and I'm Alfred, your butler," he said.
Okay I don't know who's playing the joke on me, but i'm not amused. If Ashton Kutcher jumps out of the closet, i'm beating his ass. Meanwhile, Alfred continued to look at me as if I had three heads attached to my neck. I got out of the bed and went over to one of the many windows in the suite. Looking out one of them, I immediately recognized the good part of Central Park. The view was breathtaking and picturesque.
"You say all this is mine huh Alfred?" I asked, gesturing at everything in the room.
"Why yes sir, you are one of the richest men in the world sir. Forbes has placed you at the number three spot for the last ten years."
This must be the Twilight Zone. Last night I'd barely had enough money to buy my cigarettes, and now i'm the third richest man in the world! Someone was playing a bad joke, I thought to myself. But as of yet Ashton Kutcher still hadn't jumped out of the closet yet.
"Okay then Alfred if this is real, where is my wife and my daughter?"
"Sir are you sure that you don't want me to summon the doctor?: Alfred asked, looking nervous and worried.
"No dammit! I don't want a doctor. You tell me that i'm some billionaire yet last night I was dead broke, tired, and living in the ghetto. I'm tired of playing this game, i just want to see my wife and my daughter, so that we can get out of this house and return to Queens, before the real owner of this shit turns up."
"Sir you are scaring me, I think that I should summon the doctor."
"Alfred just tell me where is my wife and my daughter at?"
"Sir your wife and Miss. Nevaeh died three days ago in a plane crash."
My vision blurred and the room faded to black. When I regained consciousness Alfred and a man I assumed to be the doctor were peering down at me in the bed I'd first awoke up in.
"Sir you gave me quite a start when you fainted so I summoned the doctor." Alfred said.
"Mr. Mickens I gave you a sedative so that you can relax. I know that it must be hard for you with everything that's occurred these last few days, and once again I offer you my condolences," the doctor said. "I'll be back when you wake up, so just relax and try to take it easy."
The doctor exited the room and once again it was just Alfred and me.
"Sir do you require anything else?" Alfred asked.
"No Alfred that's all, just draw the drapes.:
Alfred exited the room and I was alone with my thoughts. The thought of my wife and my little princess dead hit me like a bullet again. How in the hell did I wake up to some Twilight Zone crap, broke and living from paycheck to paycheck, but now i'm rich, and the two people that I love the most are gone? I know they say that dreams do come true but this is too much. Suddenly I am tired again, so very tired.
Do you believe that dreams do come true?
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