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Updated on August 28, 2014

It's been two weeks since I moved into Tom's pool house. And it had also been two weeks that I told Tom to see Danila. I was glad he listened to me, because they have became close again. I didn't want to be the reason why they stopped talking. I wouldn't forgive myself.
In those two weeks, I had been harassed by my father. So I had to get a new phone number and get an restraining order put out against him. I didn't want to because he was my father. But now he was mentally abusing me. And I couldn't take much more of it.

For the past two weeks I have been feeling sick and had a painful hip. And it seemed that it might not be getting any better. If anything I was feeling worse today, so I had decided that I was going to go to the doctors after I dropped Tom at school. I could tell that Tom was really worried about me. But I kept saying that I was going to be fine. But I could tell that it didn't make Tom feel any better.

When I dropped Tom off, I saw Danila starting to make his way over so I didn't stick around. But when I reversed I looked at Danila and he was frowning. It broke my heart that I was being hard on Danila. But I felt that I couldn't right now because of how sick I am. I needed to see what was wrong with me first.
And that's when I made the decision. If I had nothing wrong I was going to get Danila back. But I couldn't help but think that there was something wrong. I was beginning to worry. And I know that worrying only makes things worse. So every time I began to think about why I was sick, I would count to ten, and think about something else.

Two hours and a blood test later I was able to leave the doctors. I didn't get any answers, and was left to worry. When I arrived at school, it was in the middle of biology. I hated that I arrived in the middle of class. But I ignored all the stares and walked up to the teacher and handed over the doctor's note. The teacher smiled at me then I made my way to my table.

'Are you ok? 'Danila asked me.


'Tom told me where you went,'

'I'm fine, really, '

I looked at him and smiled. It was a smile to convince him that I was fine. I don't know if it worked though. Because I saw the worry in his eyes. I wished that Tom didn't say anything, but I should have known because they were best friends. And I knew Danila would have asked what I was doing. And Tom couldn't lie.

When the bell rang I was the first to leave. I could tell that Danila was behind me. Then all of a sudden I had the urge to be sick, so I dropped my things and ran to the toilet. I knew Danila would pick my things up. I made it to the toilet just in time. I couldn't help but think it was like morning sickness. But I knew it wasn't, because I hadn't had sex for the last six months and it was with Danila.

The doctor asked me all those silly questions and that was exactly what I told her. Then the doctor mentioned that it may be from all the stress that I had been through. I just hoped that was all it was. When I came out of the toilet, Danila was there waiting to give me back my things.

'You sure you're alright? ' he asked me.

'I'm going to go home. Can you give Tom a lift home?'

I avoided his question because I wasn't completely sure if I was.

'Of course, ' he smiled. 'Amanda, I want you to know that if you need anything that I am here for you'

I wanted to cry. Because Danila was still willing to help me, even after I had hurt him. I knew why, but I still couldn't understand why he would still be nice to me. It actually pained me to see him be nice, when I didn't know if I could ever have anything with Danila. Especially when I didn't know what was happening to me.
I couldn't say anything. So I smiled weakly at him, then made my way to the car. When I hoped in my car I messaged Tom to say that Danila was going to take him home. Then I left.
I climbed straight into bed when I got home, and closed my eyes and dozed. About half an hour later my phone rang.


'Is this Amanda Hocking?'

'Yes, who's speaking?'

'It's doctor Ripley. I have your test results. Are you able to come so I can tell you.'


When I hung up I couldn't help but think that the results were bad. Because if there was nothing wrong the doctor wouldn't have rang me and I would have gotten the results when I dropped by in two days.
I chucked on my boots and grabbed my jacket and left. I checked the time, and I knew Tom would be home in an hour. And that meant that Danila was going to be there too. I just hoped that they didn't harass me when I got back.
I arrived at the doctor's twenty minutes later and it took at least twenty minutes to be seen. I was greatful that it wasn't any longer. But it felt like it was an eternity. It made me feel sicker. But I couldn't complain because it was a doctor surgery, and there was a lot of sick people here.

'I'm afraid I have bad news. . . You have bone cancer.'

I wanted to pass out. But all I could think was,'Why me?' And my thoughts also went to Danila. That I was going to hurt him again. And that itself was enough to kill, let alone cancer. The doctor was telling me things, but I couldn't hear them because I was only thinking of Danila.



'The goods news is that we caught it in the earlier stage. So your chances are more than good.'

'So. So what now?'

'Now, I'll make you an appointment for tomorrow and you'll start chemotherapy.'


'I'm afraid so.'

The whole time I was in the doctor's I kept myself strong and refused to cry. But as soon as I hoped in my car I couldn't stop the tears from coming. So I let them fall. I couldn't help but think that I was dying. I heard the doctor say that my chances were good to over come this. But cancer was cancer. And I kept thinking about the people that I was going to hurt. And the people that I was going to leave without making an amends with. And that was a few people.
There was Danila. My parents. Zoe. I was sure that there was other people to.
I started driving, and kept driving until I reached the beach. I always came here when I was confused or upset. Or just needed to get away. And I needed to get away and think. And because I knew I couldn't go home knowing that Danila was going to be there. And I just knew that I couldn't face him right now. Because he would know that that something was up. And he wouldn't settle for me saying that I was fine. And then there was Tom. I knew Tom would stick with Danila, to get me to tell them. And I couldn't right now. I needed to save them from the heart ache as much as I could.

I checked the time, and I knew where I had to go. I needed to get on a plane to new York and visit my agent. I wanted to tell her face to face why I couldn't take the movie. Even though I was looking forward to it. But what I just found out about myself, I knew I wouldn't be in any shape to film a movie.
I arrived in New York two hours later and arrived at my agents place. She was surprised to see me, but when she saw that I was waiting, she let me in before the person that was already waiting. And by the look on the person's face told me he wasn't happy. But I didn't really care because by this point, I was feeling really tired and worn out.

'Now what do I owe the pleasure, '

'I have to cancel the movie, '

'Oh why?'

'Because I found out today that I have bone cancer. And in the next few weeks I'll be doing Chemo.'

'Oh Amanda, I don't know what to say, ' I could tell that she wanted to cry, but she was being strong for me. And I was greatful for that.

I arrived back in Los Angeles about eleven o'clock, and when I got home I found Danila was still there. But all the lights were out so no one was up. So I quietly walked to my place. And went to bed, because I was completely had it now. I wasn't sure if I could go to school tomorrow. It was only going to be until lunch, then I had an appointment at the hospital, where I would start my first Chemo shot.


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