ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Books, Literature, and Writing

Faithfully driven

Updated on April 2, 2010

I have stumbled. I have fallen down. I have seen the bottom more than once. Images from the past have haunted me. The bottom has come from my own hands. The bottom has come from what has been done to me.

Hands have been placed on my innocence. Monsters have came and gone. They have left they're sulfur smell. I carried the stench without even knowing I stank. They carved their mark within my soul, my mind, my heart. I built shelves to stack all those scars. Those memories built blank spaces. They grew within my subconscious. They were forgotten. Disregarded, thrown away as if they didn't matter.

But they did. They festered. They grew into living nightmares. They held my nerves and wrenched them into anxiety, those forgotten memories. They controlled my movements. My arms and feet carried me into a place of ruin, driven by a hole in my innocence.

I found my self at the bottom. Not because of a conscience decision to destroy my monsters, but that was my aim. I held onto my grief, my anger, my innocence lost. It drove me into insanity. Places were I was unwilling to clean my shelves from the filth that had built. I stuffed my own destruction in front of them. All was forgotten by my own actions .It kept me busy. Busy with wrong decisions, a self destruction, which made me in charge of those places, those unmentionables.

In the wake of my own destruction I came to a bend in the road, a place of wandering how I came to be here. That's were the bottom was found. I saw the shattered dreams. I was broken. I had fallen down. I lay there bleeding and alone, utterly alone, alienated by all that I had done. I had become a monster in my own right. I smelled the stench that was clinging from they're hands and my own.

I had forgotten how to love. I had left behind all joy my heart had once known. So here I had to decide .Can I carry this load? Can I continue on my own? The rain came and I stood there drenched in my own tears.

The winds came .The winds to dry the body of water that was engulfing me, the winds of change and hope. I had sat there asking for these winds to come, and they did. I knew were my healing had to come from. I knew the master of my destiny was blowing the winds I had begged for.

My Christ came and took away the filth that I had been stacking in front of the shelves in my mind. He knew the root to the evil deeds. He pulled away the mire and muck that had blinded me. He yanked the roots. My God was shifting the ground I was standing on. He stood in front of me. He handed me the roots of my destruction. I had to look. I had to see those memories. He gave me the clear vision I needed. I stood there looking, and was amazed because I had forgotten.

The torrents of rain that had almost drowned me were dried completely by his breath. The winds saved me. I agreed to let them all be swept away.

He stood taller than me and reached for every bit of my self that was lying there on that shelf I had worked so hard to build and to hide. Every part was exposed.

That's when the healing came. The scales fell from me. The stench was gone and I smelled freedom again, freedom from myself, freedom from the hands that were holding me back. I have freedom from the marks that were made to scar me. So faithfully driven I have hope again.

I'm in better hands now.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • mod2vint profile image

      mod2vint 8 years ago from Sunny Florida

      Excellent!

    • Moulik Mistry profile image

      Moulik Mistry 8 years ago from Burdwan, West Bengal, India

      Another great writing from you, very well done...

    • jasonkern51 profile image

      jasonkern51 8 years ago from stuck in my head

      i see what they are saying......i agree.........nice

    • jasonkern51 profile image

      jasonkern51 8 years ago from stuck in my head

      i see what they are saying......i agree.........nice

    • SummerSteward profile image

      SummerSteward 8 years ago from Duluth MN

      I've been here, in this place that you describe. With faith both small and large I have remembered these moments. This is a song of the heart you have written, and it has moved me. Thank you.

    • Sunshiney31 profile image
      Author

      Sunshiney31 8 years ago

      Thank you samboiam so much for your support!

    • samboiam profile image

      samboiam 8 years ago from Texas

      Wow! I thought you were writing about me. Excellent. I will definitely rate it up and pass it on to friends.

    • Sunshiney31 profile image
      Author

      Sunshiney31 8 years ago

      Thank you,truely thank you.I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

    • profile image

      sophs 8 years ago

      This is absolutely brilliant writing sunshiney! It's so powerful, moving and your words flow beautifully. I really enjoyed this, great work sunshiney! :)

    • Sunshiney31 profile image
      Author

      Sunshiney31 8 years ago

      Wow really Faybe Bay YOU have left me speechless.Thank you so much for your powerful compliment.I take it to heart.All I have left to say is truely God was my inspiration here,he gave me the words....

    • Faybe Bay profile image

      Faye Constantino 8 years ago from Florida

      This is almost as if you read me as I read you. The mark of a great writer is that the reader feels everything as if the writer was writing it for them, about them. I felt like you were telling my life. This is... I knew I liked you. You leave me speechless.

    • catalystsnstars profile image

      catalystsnstars 8 years ago from Land of Nod

      I like it, makes me wonder what the despair was that you found yourself in. Thumbs up

    • Sunshiney31 profile image
      Author

      Sunshiney31 8 years ago

      Cool thank you so much..

    • DESERTROSE79 profile image

      DESERTROSE79 8 years ago from Northern Idaho

      All I have to say is WOW,amazing how you captured the depth of something so hard to understand.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)