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Fauntleroy and Flossy - Hydrochloroquine

Updated on April 27, 2020

This is fiction. No resemblance to a Tin Soldier is intended.

Fauntleroy sitting in the 'War Room' with General Hazzard to his right and Vader dressed in his finest Indiana Llama wool robe to his far right. "Those dastardly Chinese, sending us the China virus in retaliation for our tariffs."

Vader scratches, "WHO's fault is this? WHO could have known? Those villians."

Through the intercom system an elevator voice is heard, "Hydroxychloroquine is the answer. Hydroxychloroquine will save us all. It will put us into heavenly grace. See your healthcare provider for your Fauntleroy-the-Savior dose. Now in the convenient family size."

Fauntleroy smiles hearing his commercial which is now being played on Alternate Fact Radio stations throughout the empire.

"We are going to flood the remaining blue states with Hydroxychloroquine. We are magnanimus. We will thin the voter registration roles one way or another. And of course make a nice profit." He smiles, "I have a very good mind."

A pleasing chant is piped through the intercom system, "Fauntleroy is Good. Fauntleroy is Great. Only you can fix it."

Vader stands and and puts his hand where his heart is supposed to be.

An aide walks in and hands Fauntleroy a note written on a square of TP. Fauntleroy looks up at the people in the room. "The United States Federal government has secured sixty percent of the nations toilet paper supply. Sixty percent by god. A round of applause please. We own these city slicker liberals and their sanitized ways."

"Sanitized that's it. I'll tell the left they can just go and Sanitize themselves."

General Hazzard moves a few inches further away.

Fauntleroy speaking to no one in particular, "What can we offer that is free?" He snaps his finger, "Sunlight, I'll tell them that our magnificent leadership has determined that sunlight will cure all their ills and we will provide sunlight free of charge daily between the hours of 6 a.m. and 7 p.m. weather permitting."

He looks around, "Come on guys, do I have to do all the thinking?"

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Now back to our programming

I had an uncle who went to college. That makes me very smart." He points to his head. "What could an viro, a viro, ah - a bug doctor know that I cannot Google, and learn all about in just a few minutes?"

First Amendment

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press or the right of people to peacably to assemble, and to petition the Government for redress of grievances.

Just then there was a tap on the door. Fauntleroy got annoyed - "See who it is!" He ordered the General.

The General stood and opened the door. Model T and Mr. Model T stood there, smug and grinning.

"What is it?" Fauntleroy asked.

Model T opened the purse she held and pulled out a check and handed it to Father Fauntleroy. She looked for a sign of approval.

"Eight hundred thousand. Is this from the sale of hyrochloroquine?"

"Yes, and that is from just one Red State. We can expect much more. One thing though they are asking for a refund."

The room broke out in laughter.

Fauntleroy stood putting the check in his pocket. His thought was 'the people' can call him all the names they want. He stood at the through of the biggest pool of money ever known to mankind - the U.S. Treasury. Nothing was going to pull him and his family away. Just the crumbs were enough to keep the entire G.O.P. in line. "Meeting adjourned." He looked admiringly at Model T. He was proud. "Let's go get some hamburgers."

In the 'Royal Suite' the sleeping quarters of Fauntleroy and Flossy. Fauntleroy turns over the check for $800,000 received from Model T. " I need this to make a payment to Deutsche Bank, but I know I am late on my prenuptial contract payment. Can you wait awhile longer?"

"No," Flossy put her hand out for her payment, knowing she is just another creditor in a long line of creditors. "What happened to the coffin profits?"

From the intercom the angelic voice: 'Fauntleroy Supreme Divinita the coliseum of network broadcasting awaits your demiurge blessings.'

"Damn, I am late for my Press Briefing. I just love to help the masses understand that I saved millions of lives. Maybe the entire planet. Oh, the world would be over if I had not stepped in when I did. There is not enough praise that can be laid at my feet to make up for all the good I have done.

He gave his symbolic red tie a tug and walks out into the artificial halo of sunlight.

© 2020 mckbirdbks

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    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      14 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Greg - Thank you. You might like the episode of F&F Ghosts of Presidents Past.

      I appreciate the visit.

    • boxelderred profile image

      greg cain 

      14 months ago from Moscow, Idaho, USA

      Tremendous satire, though as many others have said it is also scary as this work demonstrates a truth we are living: truth is stranger than fiction. In any case, I believe I'll be visiting F again. I will need to go and get caught up on previous editions. Keep up the great work. In these times, we need to be able to laugh or we might cry ourselves to sleep.

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      15 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Peg - The country is in turmoil. All the news seems negative. I am afloat in the universe. So, what is a writer supposed to do?

      Thanks for the visit and well crafted comment. There may be a pause in the earth jarring events surrounding me, soon. Yipee. I'll send a note very soon.

    • PegCole17 profile image

      Peg Cole 

      15 months ago from North Dallas, Texas

      Mike, Today when I opened my email notifications I was thrilled to see you have published another entertaining article. Seems as if the muse has stricken once again. Hooray. I'll be looking forward to more of your fine wit and carefully crafted creations. Hoping that all is well on your end.

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      15 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Bill - I just thought I'd take a few minutes off from the hurricane winds that are pushing me around and see if I could still write a sentence. The verdict is still out, or is it the jury is still out with the verdict? Thanks for reading.

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      15 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Ann - Here in America we have become numb to the antics of the Numbskull in Chief. There is nothing too low for the current administration to do or say. America is in a skid, just hoping the crash doesn't hurt us all. Thanks for stopping by. I needed to rant.

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      15 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Genna - He is a transparent man. Why more people cannot see through him is remarkable. He and his family go about enriching themselves via their positions and are smug about it. November is fast approarching. Together we can change this course of history. We can repair some of the damage.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      15 months ago from Olympia, WA

      Welcome back my friend, and I see that you are better than ever. I'm howling with laughter, but I want to weep at the same time. Such is our new reality of politics.

    • annart profile image

      Ann Carr 

      15 months ago from SW England

      Brilliant, Mike! I was listening to this man on TV this morning. He cannot string a sentence together, he has such limited vocabulary and he thinks he's unstoppable - you've summed all that up here, and more.

      It would be funny were it not so dangerous. I do hope he isn't re-elected; anyone else would do, as long as he or she has a few brain cells.

      Great to read you work again!

      Ann

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 

      15 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Mike, you should write for Saturday Night Live; actually this is better than SNL, and is the definition of satire done extremely well.

      Your caricature of our accidental president and the sheer and utter ridiculousness of this man when he goes off script are so on point. I couldn't help but chuckle a couple of times. For example: "He snaps his finger, "Sunlight, I'll tell them that our magnificent leadership has determined that sunlight will cure all their ills and we will provide sunlight free of charge daily between the hours of 6 a.m. and 7 p.m. weather permitting." Bizarre but true.

      How tragic that this man is in a leadership position when we need strong and intelligent guidance the most, as the Covid-19 crisis continues to evolve in ways that are just devastating.

      It is so good to see you writing here again, my friend. Thank you. You have been missed!

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      15 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello John - It has been a long time since I posted anything. I had to edit out so much that was only going to be funny to me. Thanks for reading.

    • mckbirdbks profile imageAUTHOR

      mckbirdbks 

      15 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Ruby - Sad to know the low level of some people's reasoning. To think they would drink bleach is so cultish. Too many zombies out there for my taste.

      It was suggested I write something. I thought I had forgotten how. Thanks for stopping by to read my ranting.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 

      15 months ago from Gondwana Land

      Mike so good to see you writing again. I would like to laugh at this parody but it is no laughing matter.. the utter stupidity of some people (not mentioning any names) makes me mad though. Great job with this.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      15 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Oh my God, have I missed this? I heard that some people actually drank bleach. The news reported that some had injected the sanitizer after Fauntleroy mentioned it. I feel we are living in the dark ages. I voted early in case voting becomes prohibitive. So good to see you writing.

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