- Books, Literature, and Writing»
- Commercial & Creative Writing»
- Creative Writing»
- Humor Writing
Fighting the Urge to Nair: Tips for Persuading Your Wife or Girlfriend to Shave Her Legs
Women are gorgeous creatures that have inspired men to do everything from the incredibly brave to the incredibly stupid…mostly the latter. Regardless, in order for women to achieve those standards of beauty that leave men agog, there are a few things they are expected to do, including the removal of excess hair. Sure, it’s alright for women to cuddle up next to a Wookiee at night, but men really don’t like to wake up and find that their significant other’s body hair has intertwined with their own, so it really is necessary to maintain smooth legs, armpits, etc. So what should a man do if his wife flat-out refuses to shave her legs? Before busting out the Nair during the night hours, consider some gentle persuasion.
First, every man knows that it’s rarely safe to just come out and ask a woman to do what he wants. Rather than put your life on the line with a potentially offensive overt suggestion, try a little bit of subliminal messaging. Place a wall-mounted cat brush in her car or next to her favorite recliner, give her gifts of razors (safety blades only, in case she gets the wrong idea), or tape pictures of gorillas to the ceiling above her side of the bed.
Head down to the local video store and find good motivational movies for her such as “How to Have Sexy, Sensuous Legs” or “Hair Care for Porn Stars.” The latter may give her some additional useful information as well.
When these gentler measures have failed, wear thigh-high hair-on goatskin leggings with shorts, swimwear, and to bed. Black seems to be the most effective. Offer to take yours off as soon as she removes hers.
Maybe she’s just not particularly perceptive and none of these carefully-planned hints are getting through, or maybe she’s just a more visual person and needs a real, live example. Remove all of your own body hair and parade around the house, scantily clad, so that she can see how sexy it is.
By this point, if your wife still hasn’t succumbed to your indirect requests for a shave, she’s either being incurably stubborn, or she just hasn’t figured out the best method for removing her hair yet. In this case you may feel compelled to assist her by applying Nair to her legs in the middle of the night to bring her legs to your non-hairy preference. However, be aware that she may decide that she’d prefer you not have hair on your head, and feel compelled to show you that she thinks the best method of removal is a blow torch.
Edited to add: Thanks to the new Hubpages ad-to-word ratio requirements, you will now have to search Amazon for your own blowtorch. I'm sorry, I can't be expected to do it all.
- When Women Hate Women's Work: Tips for Training Your...
Women are known to be difficult creatures who may balk at keeping up on their household duties. Often, this is due to insufficient guidance and training, and requires a man to take charge and remedy the situation.
- The History of the Couch: A Self-Explanatory Look at...
Today, men in committed relationships are led to ask the question,