Finding My Voice in a Noisy World Part One
How it All Started
I found myself praying...I want to be passionate about something again. After much reflection, soul searching and ignored job applications, I began to see a light at the end of the tunnel. HubPages had helped me with issues in creativity that I was lacking, I quickly realized it was not about making a few extra dollars by doing something I enjoyed but it was just about the freedom I felt when my fingers hit the keys and my little following of less then thirty asked for more.
It was a slow process, I am not the best at proper paragraph placement or grammar and even in my middle age, spelling skills seemed to dissipate (that is why we have spell check.) I found myself digging deep though and wanting to illustrate my own stories. I was greatly inspired by my favorite graphic memoir "Stitches," from the artist David Small. "If only," I would sigh with melancholy regret. For some reason I thought drawing was just a natural talent, that it couldn't be cultivated. I wanted to be able to get what I see in my mind for a story, drawn out on paper. The imagined voices in my head told me ART classes were not practical, artists do not make any money and thus the term "STARVING ARTIST." While I do have plenty of reserves in the fat storage department, I would at some point like to help out at home more financially. Something inside just kept saying "don't back off." I felt strongly that this was just something I needed to do. I was surprised and thrilled to find I was fully covered by a Pell Grant to attend our local community college. I chose a Graphic Design program, thinking at least I would learn some basics in art. The novice in me did not have the common sense to know what I was doing taking three art classes and a business class at the same time, art class equals art projects and they can be very time consuming. Telling people you are not sure where you are going with your college aspirations and that you are pursung something for the pure joy of it, seems to strike them as odd. It appears you must have a goal and that goal has to always move toward money.
It seems in life just when you have your T's crossed and I's dotted, little curve balls and distractions start coming your way. Right before school started I was called in to sit in on a job I had highly sought out less then ten miles from my home, it would mean extra money but also lots of hours. I was in turmoil, I was told by the HR person the job was mine if I wanted it. I am aware some people can balance it all...I however, can not. Health and family issues have really taken a front seat over the last couple of years and pushing myself too hard does not end well. I called my Dad, he heard it all in my voice and said "Take the classes, do something for yourself for a change, your HEART is not in this." After sitting in on the job I realized it was really not what I wanted at all anyway, so I just stopped pursuing it and focused on college. To say I was excited would be an understatement and I will forever be grateful to my Dad.
Look for next installment coming soon