A far away place would be so nice right now. I see the sunshine in
an envelope engulfing the day in a torrent of golden rays.
Fantasy is not enough to turn back the feelings. I have butterflies
in my stomach. I remember how it started. We had a little bet. The
wager was a kiss if I win and and a kiss if I lose. It was so nice and
I waited for the day to settle the bet which was a week away. It was so
surreal. I could not believe that it was actually going to happen.
I would go to bed at night for a week and think of us making out and
standing on the deck and daring the silver moon to blush.
I bought a bottle of wine as the day had come. I really didn't know
what was good wine from bad but I tried to look and just think what she
would like. I very shyly presented the bottle to her and she said, “I
don't want wine now I want your lips.” I had never kissed much before
and I did not know what to do with my tongue but skill was not necessary
as romance pulled me into its fold. We kissed for hours in a tight embrace
and ended up falling asleep on the couch holding each other.
Often we sat in the student union building and would meet each other
between classes. We would stare at people as they walked by and make
comments and just observe. I could not help it but her eyes would draw
mine so close. I could feel my throat dry. I thought her eyes were
magical.
I remember when we went home for Christmas break. I got back a day
earlier and drove to the airport to pick her up. She liked daisies but
they were out of season so I cut some out of several old National Geographic
magazines and made her a card all covered with pasted flowers. Inside
I wrote,
I miss you.
Life is a dream.
As the eagle soars
my heart does seem....
Lonely when you are gone.
I love you.
I felt a little sheepish and it was also my first try at poetry. She
looked at the card and I could sense something as she handed it back. A
feeling came electrically over my whole body. A tear came out of my wounded
eyes and hit the middle of card and fell down the crease. She said, “I met
someone else” She had tears in her eyes. She said “We will always be friends
because you are my first love and you will always be in my heart.”
She would be at our place on Friday to pick up her stuff.
So fantasy is not painted on the wall. I need to get out of this place.
I left a note and it read,
You left your love at the front door
but I will leave it open so you can get your clothes.
I don't ever want to see you again.
I could not hold back the tears because it was so final. I felt so sad.
I went and sat down at the big table at the student union building by myself.
I stared off into the distance. I was there for hours and in a table far
away I saw her come in and with her new love. I had a sickly feeling in my
stomach and I kind of wondered what I did. They seemed so lively and happy.
A tear came out of the side of my eye and I wiped it.
Then I looked up and there is a beautiful woman standing before me. She looked
at me and said I have an extra cup of coffee. Do you like coffee? I remember
her saying that her name is Jenny. To this day, I have never asked her why
she had an extra cup of coffee with her. It didn't matter. Jenny was my first
love and is still my only love. A fantasy has a way to set the mind in motion.
….......But reality warms the heart on a cold winter day.
