ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Flaming Gasball from Uranus

Updated on October 22, 2011
Flaming Gasball from Uranus
Flaming Gasball from Uranus | Source

OK — All of you fratboys and any others mired in off-color adolescence — stop your silly scatological sniggering, please! This is in fact a Flaming Gasball from the planet Uranus. And, as may be apparent, he’s not particularly enamored of his lot in life.

Nor would you be, if you happened to reside on the celestial orb having the coldest atmosphere of any in our entire solar system (roughly 370 degrees Fahrenheit below zero!). You would have to be flaming all the time, too, just to keep your ball warm!

To amend my earlier statement, this poor guy actually resides in planet Uranus as we know it. Since the actual planetary surface is nothing but a hard sheen of rock intermingled with the various frozen ices of ammonia and methane in addition to solidified water, it’s far too forbidding upon which to place one’s tender tush (gaseous or not). So this guy hovers iridescently in the thick and opaque Uranian atmosphere of hydrogen and helium. Sort of like a hot air balloon — with a perpetually artificially squeaky voice. So, he and his kin roil about in the murk that we mistakenly perceive as a spherical solid hoisted in the inky black of distant space. By flaming on — increasing their cranial temperature — they rise; by flaming out or flickering, they slowly fall again, navigating the miles-thick milky rind of Uranus. (Since the surface wind speeds can sometimes reach 750 feet per second, the Gasball species endures quite the wild ride most bobbing days of its life.)

This guy also appears so grumpy because he happens to love the festivities and raucous behavior associated with the ringing in of the New Year. However, since his distant home planet manages merely one revolution about ol’ Sol every 84 Earth-years, those celebrations don’t come around too often. (Worse yet for his present temperament, they were held just last week!)

Yet one more factor contributing to FGfU’s lousy mood is the fact that his clan harkens from an area near one of Uranus’ poles. And Uranus’ two planetary poles of rotation are aligned pointing almost directly toward the Sun and almost directly away from the Sun. As a result, in awaiting the next New Year’s Eve Party (to be hosted yet again by the seemingly ageless Flick Flark), he has to endure a full 42 years of complete darkness, followed by a successive 42 years of ceaseless sunshine. He’s in the dark now and for the next decades, and, in the dark, it’s very hard to discern a foul bubble of pure putrescent methane until you’re right in the thick of it (now there’s something you pledging and punking fratboys can really relate to!).

Finally, what’s got Flamey in a funk are his stillborn aspirations to fortune and fame on the stage and screen. Though he’s got a versatile (though squeaky) voice and pretty good moves (for a ball) — and has really got that Brando-like scowl down pat — he really hasn’t got much hope of getting recognized by any of the stellar talent scouts out there. You might say his light is being kept beneath a bushel (er . . . rather, 5,000 miles or more of dense cloud cover).


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • rickzimmerman profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Northeast Ohio

      Thanks, Suzette and Paradise! (It's amazing what trivia one picks up in only 50 years of reading science magazines!)

    • Paradise7 profile image


      6 years ago from Upstate New York

      I was not only vastly entertained but very interested in the facts about Uranus you manged to seed into this article...New Year's once every 84 Earth-years; 42 Earth-years of dark, followed by 42 Earth-years of sunshine. Wow!

    • suzettenaples profile image

      Suzette Walker 

      6 years ago from Taos, NM

      I always know I'm going to be entertained by a rickzimmerman hub. Great job. This is so funny. So Uranus is still and official planet, eh? Some days I feel like a flaming gas ball from Uranus. Thankfully, I have the gulf to cool down in.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)