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Flash fiction- The day shadows turned to blackness. Annart's challenge.
The shadows turned to blackness.
The sun is just rising on a peaceful day at Burnham lake in the U.K. Timmy is wide awake and full of adventurous energy. He eats his breakfast and drinks the last drop of milk before asking Mommie if he can go down to the lake. He's lived in the same house on the same lake for all of his ten years. She answers, " yes, but be careful. "
Timmy is standing by the lake. The sun is dancing across the water illuminating the golden sparkling hues.
He thinks, " Mommie didn't say not to wade. I can't hear any sounds, so I think I'll wade out a little further. Humm I think I hear a bell out in the distance, could it be a cruise ship?, shucks I wish I'd brought Old Shep with me, he's my seeing eye friend. I can't remember a single day when I didn't have Old Shep, he's ten years old too. "
You see, I'm blind. I only see shadows. Shep sees everything and barks happily when he sees something he thinks I will like.
I think I'll wade out a little further. I feel a whirling eddy under my toe's, it feels so good! I wonder if that bell I hear is coming from an ocean liner with bright dazzling lights?, if so, soon I'll hear the music. I lean forward a bit and lose my footing, down in the water, I feel cold. I quickly come up for air and hear Old Shep barking, I'm trying to go to him but the current is pulling me out to sea. " I'm scared " I yell. I feel Shep, he's pulling on my pants, struggling to get me back to shore. I feel dizzy, too much water in my belly. I feel Shep pulling harder and harder, soon I have my arms around him. " Oh Shep what's happening to us? " I feel his tight muscles relax, he slowly drifts away. I see only blackness as i drift endlessly out to the misty sea.
Suddenly Timmy feels strong hands lifting him. He hears Shep whimpering, his father is doing CPR, he's spewing vomit, then He hears his mommie softly crying. He feels Shep's wet nose on his face. He breathes a happy sigh of relief.
Mommie and daddy hold him so close he can hardly breathe, Shep is right in the middle licking his face. " Oh happy day " Timmy is thinking and making an nonverbal vow to never go into the water alone again. "
Comments
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Hello Eddy, so glad to see you. Thank you for the brilliant comment.
Hugs..
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Hello again Cam. When I first published this it was in the pending mode, so I thought HP was not going to publish it because it was too short. ( That has happened a few times. ) so I added to it. Sorry you were confused but happy you liked it. Thank you
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Shyron, your comment is so uplifting! Thank you. I really never thought of myself as a writer, I mostly like to rhyme, but I love to write for a challenge. I guess the more you write and take that chance, you grow as a writer.
Blessings and lots of hugs my poet friend...
Brilliant Ruby.
Enjoy your day .
Eddy.
Ruby, I just reread your story. I must have been on the verge of falling asleep, because the first time, I somehow stopped reading two paragraphs too early. You didn't kill Timmy and Shep. Oh happy day. Sorry I misread before. It is a great story.
Ruby, you are great at this flash fiction, and you are an amazing writer, I am blessed to have you for my friend.
Blessings and Hugs
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Theresa, when I wrote the first part, Timmy and Shep drowned, but it wasn't published, it was just pending, so i assumed it was too short and added his rescue and it was published. I'm sorry for the mix-up. I'm glad you liked the photo. Thank you for the excellent comment and for sharing....God bless..
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Hello Harishprased. Your comment is so sweet. I'm thrilled you enjoyed this tiny tale. Thank you for sharing....Smiles..
Hi Ruby, I don't know how I missed this heartrending hub of Timmy and Shep! You certainly do have this flash fiction style down. Had to read it twice because I thought it had a happy ending but I see some commenting about a sad ending. This had my heart beating so fast. I love the photo of the boy and the yellow lab, who reminds me of my childhood pet. Excellent! Voted up ++++tweeting, pinning, G+ and sharing God bless
Ruby, this is such an amazing piece of flash fiction. Timmy is such a cute kid and what a wonderful chap this Shep is ! Everything is so vivid in this tiny tale. Loved reading this very sweet hub. You responded to Ann's challenge so well. Voted up and shared.
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Hello DDE. Nice to see you again. Thank you for coming by....
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Hello Nell. Old Shep is a hero! Thank you for the nice compliment. So glad you enjoyed...
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Hello manatita. Why don't you take a look at the picture and write your version? You could do it in poetic fashion if you wanted to. So happy you enjoyed this one..Smiling..
Beautifully written and you have great thoughts here. Voted up!
You are certainly great at this flash fiction! loved the story Ruby! and yes old Shep saves the day!
Different slant from Billy and Mary's. Nice interaction and cool ending. A friendly and approachable touch. Nice one, my sweet friend.
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John, I spoke too quickly. It is featured. Woopie....
Yes Ruby, loved the happy ending better
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Hello btrbell, so glad you enjoyed my version. Thank you so much...
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John, hubpages had not featured my first story. I guess it was too short, so I added to it. It is still pending? Who knows if it will be featured? I'm not going to let it make me feel bad like I felt when I left and wrote on another site. I love it here too much. I hope you like the addition. Thank you...
I was holding my breath until the end! Especially after reading John and Chris's stories! Great job! Up++
Hey Ruby....you are sneaky. You slipped in a happy ending without telling anyone. I commented after thinking Timmy and Shep both drowned....then I see Genna saying she was pleased with a happy ending...what?? I went back and realised that you had added to the ending :)
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Genna, I'm so pleased when I see you. Your comments are always uplifting which builds confidence in a writer. I think I like flash fiction better than a long story, I don't know why, I guess my attention span is geared that way. You can still add your story to Ann's challenge, I know it will be beautiful...Thank you so much for your constant encouragement..
This is great flash fiction. I can’t write in this style and am envious of those who do this so well. Billy is right – this is your niche, my friend. I’m so pleased with the happy ending. The fact that Timmy is blind shows in the painting…what a unique, creative idea and perspective! Well done, Ruby. Voted up and shared.
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Hello jhamann. Happy to share. Thank you for commenting it was a great story...
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Hello Phyllis. I love your comment and glad you enjoyed my story. Thank you...
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Hello Shauna. I'm glad you liked my story. Happy endings are much easier to write. I liked the fact that you saw a moral too. Thank you....
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Hello Mike. I know it's totally different, but I can't pass up a challenge. I added to it after posting the first part, hoping HP would feature it. Thank you so much...
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Hello Cardisa. I hope you do get the time and energy to join in the challenge, it's a lot of fun seeing the different versions written. Thank you for coming by...
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Hello Frank, so glad you think I got it right. Thank you so much...
Wow, what a great story. Tragic ending and all. Thank you for sharing. Jamie
Very good story, Ruby. I held my breath as Shep drifted away. A happy ending with a lesson well-learned.
Thank goodness Timmy and Shep are safe! I guess when Shep drifted away he was actually going for help. Just like Timmy and Lassie from long ago.
Great story, Ruby. And it even comes complete with a moral to the story!
Hello Ruby. What an interesting turn you have given us with this story. You lead us to the very end of the high diving board and then you pushed us off.
This is very different from your jaunty 'I Traded in my truck' poetry that you just published.
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DJ. I needed a laugh after writing this. " Floating past Spain " HaHa.. So glad you came by...
Sad but compelling story Ruby. I wish I had time or the energy to do one of these challenges. Very well done.
Always.. you're always getting it right.. this challange proves to be just that a challenge and you got it right
Hauntingly tragic, I can visualize Mommie when she discovers...
Your wings are spreading beautifully, Ruby. Love, Maria
Why am I always a day late and a dollar short?
I don't know anything about a challenge but you surely wrote this up right. Poor Shep! Was the current just too much for him?
Timmy needs his little boduncus blistered if he does make it out alive.
He should have know better than to walk out in the water. What is it with kids these days?
Shep could probably have lived another year or two, but it was just too much for him.
I hope Timmy thinks about that when he is floating past Spain!
Good job, Ruby!! :-)
DJ.
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Hello tillsontitan. Yes, it was sad to write, my heart wanted to save him but the story teller in me went the other way. I'm so glad you enjoyed, and I'm also glad that Ann gave us this challenge. Thank you...
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Cam, if I'm not mistaken you are the one who got me interested in writing flash fiction. A totally new genre for me and I love it. There must be something bad lingering in our psyche, we are killing our characters by the droves. Hee. So glad you enjoyed...
This had to be tough to write...talk about tugging at the heart strings. I thought sure Old Shep would save the day, but life doesn't always have a happy ending.
I loved your interpretation of the picture and I'm so glad Ann started this challenge.
Voted up, awesome, and interesting.
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John, that song reminds me of my brother Fred. He had a dog named Shep, I guess they were inseparable when he was a boy, ( before I was born ) I loved hearing the stories about them hunting mink back in the Indiana woods. I'm so glad you could relate to the song. Thank you for sharing that...
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Hello Ann. I'm thrilled, so happy you enjoyed. I must say that I felt sad writing the ending. Thank you so much for the challenge. Writing has become so much of my life lately. I love it....
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Oh Audrey, you manage to say so much in just a few words. So glad you came by my friend...
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Hello Jo. I love writing a challenge story. I'm happy it touched you. I felt sad writing the end but that's the way I felt at the time. Thank you so much....
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Bill, it gives me much satisfaction when I read that you loved something I write. Maybe I have found my niche? I do know that I love writing more and more everyday. I read yours today and it was beautiful, it is funny how we all went in different directions. I loved them all so far. I hope there's more. Thank you..
Ruby, I'm so glad you joined the fray. You have done a marvelous job. I don't get why we seem to be killing everybody we write about, but you did a good job of it. Thanks for sharing, Ruby. :)
Oh Ruby, this is the saddest one yet. I wanted Shep to save Timmy so bad...damn. "Old Shep" was a song on one of the first music albums I owned...loved that sad song. Well done.
Great response! You've got so much in so few words.
Each contribution makes the whole thing better and better; I'm amazed!
Thank you so much for taking up the challenge. Your angle is so different too.
Ann
Yup--you are just excellent at it!
One for all the Sheps out there. They are doing such a incredible job of improving and saving lives. Well done, your story is heartfelt and beautiful. A very touching response to Ann's challenge.
Ruby, I think you have found your niche. You are very good at this flash fiction stuff. Isn't it interesting how different writers can look at the same picture and come up with such different approaches to it? I love it!
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