Focus on the Self

Being prepared ...

Isn't that what they teach the Cub scouts? Unfortunately, I was a cub for only a few weeks before the excitement of wearing a uniform and earning badges wore off. The story of my life.

LES BROWN (The Motivator) often shares a quote ... (paraphrase) Would you rather be prepared while waiting for an opportunity to arrive or be caught unprepared when opportunity knocks?

I think about me. I'm basically a basement writer; not unlike an "alley mechanic". Ever since a high school teacher said that I had talent back in '86/'87/'88, I've been writing my tail off. Spirals galore (1 subject/3 subject/5 subject), composition books (the black and white marble design that's been around at least as long as I can remember) and even art sketch books. I'd fill all of the above with stories acted out by hundreds of fictional characters. Some good works. Some not so good works. Some close to great ... And nobody knows it but me.

Good is good. That's not so hard. This means that inspiration was kind to me on that particular day.

Not so good is not so good. This means that the writer's block and various distractions from family can often result in uneven volumes that end up being rewritten and improved upon. Other times, I have ended up with a hotter mess than before.

What makes some of these works great is when I can read something I wrote in 1995 and be encouraged by something a character says 20 years later. Then as I'm exclaiming out loud how good a response that was, it dawns on me that I'm the one who wrote those lines. How about that?

Don't get me wrong, I've tried -- not extremely hard, but I've tried to hit that high note. There was the website I created through IVillage.com. And the reboot I created on Tripod.com. Both named after a black and white magazine I created on card stock paper in the early 90s that was meant to rival CCM (Contemporary Christian Magazine); reviewing CDS, books and DVDS.

These sites, along with stints collaborating with other peoples' projects: ContempoGospel.com (defunct), Gospel Flava Magazine (defunct) and S7ven Magazine (defunct) ...

Between all of these endeavors, I wrote some good pieces. I also had some stuff totally reworked by the editor, because they didn't trust my talent. But most of all I got to interview my crush, singer extraordinaire (and KATY PERRY favorite), CRYSTAL LEWIS. There will never be a sweeter sound than Miss Crystal calling me from her manager's office and asking to speak to me personally. I still get goosebumps thinking about it.

I interviewed other great singers too, like a sweetheart named TAMMY TRENT, who lost her husband a day before the September 11th tragedy. As well I received packages almost everyday from music labels and media companies and publicists, filled with amazing product that had yet to reach the shelves of retailers.

However, the authentic dream has always been to publish my fiction. But the business of it has intimidated me from following through. Registering this, copyrighting that and sending query letters and securing agents and all of the things it takes to make the wheels on the bus go round and round. All of that making the dream feel so far away from achieving.

In the end, I suppose I'm a master procrastinator and a major scary cat. In the sense that fear has taken over time after time whenever I attempted to move in the right direction. The "what ifs" and the "I'm not good enough(s)" ... Then you turn your back and blink your eyes for just a minute and like PAUL SIMON sang to OPRAH, "Twenty five years have come and gone".

Now here we are ... 2019 ...

Did I mention that in 2016 I could have died due to sudden complications with my heart? No? Yeah. Well, that's a story for another day.

At the end of the day, no one knows how much time they truly have on this earth. So I encourage you to do as I'm trying to do this year. Let your light so shine. Get your work out to the masses by any means necessary. Even if its just in a blog or website of your own making; a newsletter even. At least you said what you needed to say and shared it. And when its all said and done, you and we the readers will be the better for it.